LTTTC - Success Stories

[onthefly]

I've been meaning to post for a while - here goes

DH and I decided we wanted to have children together in early 2005. A few months went by and nothing, so I started researching. Learning all about how babies are made (and discovering it wasn?t all that simple after all); the different methods of tracking fertility, the pills and potions that promised success?.
We had been trying for about a year when we first went to a fertility specialist. The initial prognosis was that I had PCOS and a laparoscopy showed mild endometriosis, but our doctor didn?t think it would impede fertility too much. DH was another story ? plenty of sperm, but few swimmers. And every test he took the results got worse.
We were set to start IUI in a couple of months ? giving the supplements the urologist had suggested for DH a bit of time to (hopefully) do their magic. But then one day I thought I felt a lump in my breast. The doctor thought it was nothing, but decided to send me for an ultrasound to make sure. My breasts were fine, but the sonographer picked up a lump in my thyroid. It turned out to be cancer, so we put TTC on hold for a while.
When we were ready to try again we headed off to a local FS (having relocated to Australia) with our previous test results in hand. Our doctor decided that IUI was probably not going to work with DH?s low motility, so we began our first IVF cycle last April. I handled it all fairly well, no side-effects or anything, until the egg collection. I woke up in recovery to be told that they hadn?t got any eggs. It was fairly devastating to think I?d gone through all that crap for nothing and thoughts of never being able to have children floated through my head. DH was great as usual and we bounced back fairly quickly.
A couple of months later, we tried again. This time was different ? 14 eggs. We tried not to get our hopes up too much in the coming days, but we were so thrilled to hear that 13 fertilised, 9 survived to day 3 (they froze the 4 ICSI ones then) and finally we had 3 blasts on day 5. This time we got to transfer. In the meantime I?d started to develop symptoms of OHSS, but we went ahead anyway. The OHSS got worse and I ended up in hospital for a few days, but we got our BFP. Our beautiful son is now four months old.

Wishing the best of luck to everyone on the TTC path

[MamaCaz]

Wow Marcellus what a huge journey you've been on. I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. You are an inspiration and I am so happy that you got through it all. Congratulations on your beautiful baby. Being a mother is the best thing in the world. Enjoy . We are still not pregnant but we know it will happen one day. Staying positive....

[Malyna]

**warning some way out spiritual beliefs mentioned and mention of violence against a woman**

I was married at 21 to a man who I thought was perfect for me. Unfortunately he changed. Violent, jealous and controlling, I spent the next 8 years of my life watching him beat our pets with dripper hose, when they stepped out of line (and he would threaten me with it if I tried to intervene). He was abusive, emotionally, financially and physically (although this was in the form of raping me, so there would be no brusies to show). I feared becomming pregnant and was very regimented with contraception. In 1998 my beloved mother died of cancer and at the end of the year my father moved to Victoria. My family was safe and so I fled the state, walking out on all my worldly possessions and started a new life in a new place. Easy it was not and it has taken me years to get over what happened to me. I chose not to let my experience make me bitter, and instead followed a spiritual path, looking for answers.

It was in the new city here I met the man of my dreams - he was everything I had always dreamed about. We were soulmates from the start, we clicked, became good friends, then lovers and in 2002 married. I knew he would be a perfect father - it took him quite a lot longer to realise this and I had to change the way I thought about children (I desperately wanted them since we married). It wasn't until his sister feel pregnant in late 2006 that his mind began to change. He was on medications which resulted in no sperm being produced, so I knew IVF and donor sperm was our only option (now I just had to convince the doctors and DH).

Late 2007 we saw a FS who performed two surgical sperm collections on DH (to prove there was no sperm there).. I bluntly informed the FS "I ain't getting any younger here doc, do something" and he did. We went through the counselling process, got registered and in April 2008 started our first cycle of IVF.

I dragged my poor darling husband to Mary Mackillops chapel in sydney - I'm not catholic, and I'm not religious, but very spiritual. It was there that I received a message of strength and I sat crying in the chapel for awhile....I underwent Reiki to make sure my energy levels were right and I receive a lot of spiritual healing during my sessions.

On monday, I'll be 6mths pregnant. I count my blessings every single day. My shoulders are extremely painful and have been so since the first month. I haven't slept through the night or had a day without pain since. I am seeking alternative treatents, but every time my shoulders hurt, I am reminded of the blessing that I have been given and am eternally grateful for IVF to work for us first time. Shoulder pain is a price I am more than willing to pay to be able to have bubs on board.

Namaste

[onthefly]

Congratulations Tarkine and thank you for sharing - what a lot you've been through!
Have you seen anyone about your shoulders? I just ask as I've heard some kinds of pain can indicate certain problems with pg - don't want to alarm you or anything, and perhaps you've already ruled out other problems anyway, but just thought I'd stick in my meddling nose and mention it just in case.
Take care

[Samandpoppy]

Hi Girls,
thanks so much for you stories, inspiring. I hope to post one here myself one day soon.
I especially like hearing about anything different you tried that worked, esp drugs!@!!
sam

[nic]

My story begins with a DD conceived the fun, old fashioned way lol, but even then it was a couple of years of no protection, but not trying either. When DD was 1 we would sometimes decide to use some protection, other times not. When she was about 2,(2001/2002) we pretty much weren't using any. We just kept trying. I wasn't too worried about what was or wasn't happening, was just going with the flow.. we weren't charting or anything else at the time either.

People around us kept announcing pregnancies but I thought it would be our turn soon enough... fast forward to 2006. We went interstate for a wedding and holiday. I was feeling a little unwell, but put it down to all the car travel. I remember getting ready to go to the wedding and found that AF had arrived! she was early DH had joked a couple of days before that I was pregnant, and I had secretly hoped he was right, but here she was.. so I went to the wedding to drink. I had 2 drinks before going to the loo to find that AF had stopped! I thought, whats going on here? and immediately stopped drinking. A few days later I did a HPT. I couldn't tell if it was a +ve or not? It looked like the faintest of faint lines, so I decided to do another one in a couple of days time.

The next night, AF arrived. She was very painful and very heavy... I remember being in the shower -warning TMI ahead - and hearing the clots hit the tiles...I wondered if I had been pregnant and was miscarrying?? It is something I will wonder about forever, though deep down, I suspect it was (my chart had been looking quite good that month) I've never wrote about it here on BB.. I had no confirmation, so I felt like I shouldn't be wondering aloud about it.
The rest of the car trip home was horrible. we had to stop every half hour so I could change a pad.

Christmas 2006, driving home DH and I were chatting and he mentioned that he thought we should see someone. I told him I wasn't too fussed if we did or didn't, we already had a beautiful girl. I said if we weren't pregnant or actively doing something more, towards being pregnant by christmas the following year, then that would be it, no more..I couldn't handle anymore of the temping and charting and hearing about other people's pregnancies. I had to let it go from my life completely.

In the first few months of 2007, we saw a GP. I already had a referral that was over 2 years old to see a FS. I took this referral to a new GP, and asked for a new one. She was lovely, and sent us off for initial testing. DH's first SA had to be repeated, but it came back fine the second time round. We had to travel to other towns to have the SA done, and this was to be the first of many kilometre we would do that year.

We finally got into see our FS. A weird little fellow, he had been described to me as being abrupt. DH and I agreed we would meet him and see if we liked him or not. Luckily we did. He didn't hold back, and didn't stuff around. He checked my charts and said he could see I was ovulating, my tests were fine, DH sperm was great so he booked me in for a lap to be done 2 weeks away from then. I tried to get out of it, but I think he sensed it, and told me he was booking me in, and I could check DH's roster and change it if I needed when I got home.

2 weeks later, we rocked up at the hospital for my lap. Late that arvo, the FS came round to tell us what had happened. He asked how many op's I had had, as i only listed one on the admission forms and I looked like I had quite a few op's as there was really bad scarring. he didn't believe me when I told him only 1 op, and he asked my mum if I had any as a child. So I had lots of scarring, and endo. He explained the endo wasn't typical chocolate cysts endo, it was the white stuff, but not just patches of it like it usually is, it was a sheet of it. He didn't touch it as he wasn't sure how thick or thin or was and he didn't want to do any damage to would hurt our chances of TTC.

We made a follow up appointment with him for a week or so later on. The plan was to start on Synarel. I had to be on it for 3 months before I could go back to see him and start our IVF drugs. What a very long 3 months it was too.. I was quite a horrid emotional, nasty, mess of a person.

We did a few trips back and forth. We had to travel 200k's to pick up my synarel! One way! We had our first appointment, got our drugs and drove all the way home...I was so scared of so many things at that point, and I blurted out to DH that I didn't want to do the IVF, which upset him and caused a little tiff on our drive home.

We had to do the same trip for our scans as well. I had a scan, and was told to do another couple of days of injecting and come back for another scan. I did injections for a total 7 days, had a second scan (Friday) and was told that EPU would be happening on the Monday morning. We drove home 200k's, packed our bags, dropped DD at the IL's so she could still attend school, and left he next morning for our 1000k journey. We stopped at a motel the night that we had to do our trigger. 1.45 am it was to be done! I don't think DH and I went back to sleep for a few hours after it was done. I remember hoping that DH didn't break the vials we he cracked them open, as we were no where near any clinics or even a hospital if he did! Luckily he didn't!

We booked into our motel the next day. I'd had 3 months to surf the net and work out the best place to stay that was close by the hospital. It was right around the corner. I called our FS that was doing EPU and we hadn't even met yet. We had a chat and he told me all the details for the next day.

I went into EPU being told there were 14 follicles. When I came out I was told we had 15 eggs from 15 follicles, but they were fairly small. Phone call to the FS the following day, gave us the news of 11 fertlised! Transfer the following afternoon. That day I started feeling unwell. The nurses explained that I was at risk of developing a very slight case of OHSS with the number we had collected. When DH saw how bloated I had become, he was shocked. even more so when I had a red face and was feeling hot to touch. DH wanted me to ring the FS to tell him my symptoms! No way was I doing that. I had come too far, and I was super scared he would delay transfer. I drank heaps of water and sustagen and felt better that arvo and even went out shopping!

When we arrived for transfer, we were told that overnight, 1 of the embies had developed abnormally, and one had just stopped growing for some reason, so we were down to 9. 1 put back and the remaining 8 are now in snowbub storage.

Luckily we got a BFP from our first cycle! The amount of travelling we did was draining. but we did it, and now I have a beautiful little boy, and can still hardly believe that this little person is in our lives! He didn't sleep well at the start (and still doesn't) and I felt a little guilt because we had tried so hard to have him, yet he wouldn't let up and I was resenting him a little for it.

I will never forget that moment that DH put our DS in my arms and i had tears in my eyes...he was so worth the wait and the tears and pain and anger and even the synarel sniffing lol! but i guess I can say that now that I'm not sniffing it hey

Sorry for the extra long post.....just nice to share with others

Nic

[drbeee]

WARNING: There is mention of pregnancy termination below.

Its about time that I added to this post as I have meant to for so long. I guess my journey to motherhood was not as long as some, but am hoping that the happy ending will bring some hope to those in similar situations as me.

When I was 32 I became pregnant naturally to a man who did not want to know about the baby. He convinced me to terminate the pregnancy, and I will forever regret that I was so weak as to give in. He persuaded me that the timing was all wrong, and that we would have children together soon just not now.

I felt that I could not bring up the baby alone, and he made it clear that he would leave. I am a strong woman, but was in the thrall of this man, and my biggest regret was that I did not take the TIME to process the decision. I had it in my head that if I was to go down this path it had to be soon. I was 5 weeks pregnant with my baby when I let (him) down due to weakness and panic. I have never forgiven myself for this, and it will always be the biggest regret of my life.

The ex and I moved in, but of course I was consumed by anger (at myself more than at him), and became clinically depressed. I left him about 8 months later.

At 35 I had a myomectomy for an enormous fibroid, which left me with a scar stretching the whole length of my womb top to bottom. The surgeon advised me that I should have a caesarian if I ever became pregnant due t the nature and length of the scar.

When I was 36 years old I met a man who is good from the inside to the out. I knew that he would be a wonderful father. It took me two years to persuade him that we should try for a baby. My gynecologist (also a F/S) gave me a big talk about fertility, and even had my (reluctant) OH in for a good talking too as well. He relented and agreed that we would try and we started TTC when I was 38.

After 6 months we saw my FS again and we started with timed intercourse (I was working shifts). For some reason my FSH had not been measured in the first 2 cycles of TI, but on the third cycle it was, and I received a very stiffly worded letter from my FS basically telling me that I was perimenopausal, and that my changes of pregnancy were poor. She advised that we should start IVF if we were to have ANY chance of pregnancy.

Of course, I believed that this was my punishment for the termination.

My OH needed a lot of counselling prior to agreeing to undergo IVF. Nonetheless we embarked on our first cycle of IVF in May 2007. I never recorded the details, but some remain clear. There were 4 follicles, and 4 eggs. All 4 eggs fertilised, and two were transferred at day 3 with two being frozen. My bloods recorded HCG but poor levels. They call it a 'chemical pregnancy', but we all know that this is a miscarriage, and that we are losing a baby that tried to be.

I believed even more strongly that I was being punished.

We had to take a cycle off, and we asked the F/S to do another fresh collection, fearing that my fertility was declining by the second (although interestingly the FSH in the first and second cycles were in the normal range).

For our second cycle we had 7 follicles and 4 eggs. All 4 eggs fertilised, but one stopped developing. Two were transferred at day 3 and one frozen. We found out recently that the two transferred underwent assisted hatching also.

We were thrilled when we registered a BFP! I was 39yo. At 37 weeks and 2 days our DS was born by elective caesarian. He is the light of our lives.

I have also finally found some peace with my decision made so many years ago. If I had been a single mother then I would never have been where I was when I met my OH, and I would never have my beautiful son. My mother believes that our children wait for us, and come to us when they are ready. I hope so very much that this is true.

I am now 41 and we are currently in our first frozen cycle and are full of hope that we may be lucky enough to have another beautiful baby in our arms soon. We know that with only three embryos the odds are against us, and I am having acupuncture this time around.

I believe that if my son is meant to have a sibling this will be, whether following frozen transfer, or if we elect to try a fresh cycle again. If he is not, then he continues to bring joy to me every day. Even when I am cranky with him!

Thanks for reading

[littlemissmoo]

Hi everyone,

I would like to share with you our LTTC journey. We'd decided about five years ago to try for a baby & with me being in my 20's & both in good health we just assumed it would be a given. How wrong we were! After about 4.5 years we decided to seek expert health. A battery of tests later, we were told we fall into the 'unexplained' category.

I still don't know if this is good or bad as sometimes I think if there was a clear medical reason it would be easier for me to get my head around. We started our first cycle of IVF in May 07 & luckily besides pain after the egg retrieval I didn't experience any side effects from the drugs. It turned out to be a BFN & although we were bitterly dissapointed, I felt OK within myself as now I knew what to expect when all the needles & stuff. We had two frozen embryos from the cycle so in AUg decided to try a frozen cycle. Again, this turned out to be a BFN. We then used our last egg in Oct with another FET but again dissapointment with a BFN.

In Dec 07 we then decided to go back into a full cycle. I had the egg retrieval on Xmas eve & I just knew that as our little 'blasty' was being created in the little dish on Xmas Day that we would have success. And my gut instinct was right, we were blessed with a BFP!! Our beautiful daughter was born on 10/09/08.

The physical side of the IVF process I was fine with, but the emotional side was so tough. One of the hardest things was seeing all your friends pregnant & putting on that smile when inside your hearts breaking because it's not you. But luckily I'm surrounded with supportive family & friends & they all kept my chin up.

We are currently in the process of trying for number two &I'm due for a BT on Thursday to see if we have a little brother or sister for Abbey, let's hope!

[AliB]

** warning - this is soooo INCREDIBLY long!! Life story ahead!

So my history... I always used the 'withdrawal method' in 3 LT relationships between the ages 21 and 35, and had had no accidental pregnancies. Apparently that was the first sign of a problem!

I was married at 27 and separated at 33. Met my lovely toyboy soon after separation and we moved in together a couple of years ago xoxo

Then I started to experience all sorts of weird cycle changes, pain in middle of month, heavier periods. In fact my cycle had always been a bit peculiar and about a decade earlier a GP had suggested that I might have PCOS, as my period didn't come for a few months. When it recurred in 2007, an ultrasound indicated that I appeared to have endometriosis and polycystic ovaries. Although 34 years old, I felt shocked in Sept 07 during first visit with GP and then gyno, and both asked immediately: "when are you going to have children?". I was not ready to talk about that - I was not long divorced, had never been sure that I wanted kids (social / ethical reasons), and I was 16 months into a (wonderful) relationship with a much younger man who really didn't have fatherhood on his short term horizon! But these problems got me thinking.

In Feb 08, I had a lap and hysteroscopy to remove endo from pelvic side wall and to remove a number of polyps from my uterus. At this time, we started trying to fall pregnant - by this time, DP and both agreed that we should give it a try.

The first lap was OK but the public hospital experience was unpleasant and recovery was a little harder than I'd thought. Also, it appeared that my tubes were blocked. We kept trying anyway, and in Jun 08, a hycosy test showed that my tubes were clear. However, a scan found small endometromas on each ovary. Also, more worrying was that DP's semen analysis showed low count, and low normal forms. One step forward, two steps back!

We kept trying, but my cycle became increasingly erratic and lengthened. We were spending a fortune on OPK but I wasn't confident that I was actually ovulating. My gyno thought she needed to 'escalate' us to the next level.

In Jan 09 I got a referral to Dr Alison Gee at Sydney IVF. Although we had both accepted that IVF was the path we should consider, I was SO nervous before the first appointment, as I imagined that we'd be forced to sign the forms immediately and off we'd go! Of course this wasn't the case. Dr Gee was fantastic, and immediately took a detailed medical history - I actually felt like she was listening and thinking about it all, which is a rarity amongt of specialists! It became clear that we weren't going to be locked into the IVF option in any event, as Dr Gee would first try to help us conceive naturally or with minimal assistance. That was a welcome surprise.

Dr Gee was very concerned to hear about about endometriomas and my DP's poor SA results, neither of which my previous gyno had seem phased about (ie she'd just sent us off to try for another 6 months despite the results). Dr Gee, in contrast, provided referrals for a battery of tests and more detailed bloodwork. She also prescribed Metformin for me to address PCOS symptoms - I tolerated it well, got my period more regularly again (every 31 days). Best of all, although I was already a healthy weight (but a few points higher in the BMI range than I needed to be), I lost 5 kg in first month (with diet and exercise) and kept losing 1kg a month after that without particularly trying! Love the metformin!

DP's second SA results were good (no more undies at night, and men's multivitamins) but bad news on my endometriomas - multiple in right ovary, 1 small in left. Again, one step forward, and one back. Due to the speed of recurrence and size of the endometriomas, Dr Gee's diagnosis was 'agressive' endo. The pain was getting bad, it hurt when I did no. 2's and I couldn't do yoga any more. I was scared!

Dr Gee referred me to Dr Geoffrey Reid, a specialist endo surgeon, for another lap on 6 April 09. She assisted and it was at St Luke's Hopsital in Potts Point. Although the Gap cost was a killer, the entire experience was fantastic, esp after the previous Lap. I felt really positive and recovery was swift.

We met with Dr Gee for a follow up later that month and she said we could try again for 6 -12 months, but that the endo would likely recur quickly in which case we'd be in the same boat - tests, scans, surgery. Given "my age" and the amount of stuffing around that we felt we'd already done, we voted to move toward IVF immediately. We were scheduled to start mid May... exciting!! But more worries, just as we were about to leave she was handed the biopsy from my intra-uterine biopsy during surgery - the finding was endometritis (not endometRIOSIS - endometRITIS is an inflammation of the lining of uterus, which can impact on implantation of the embryo). Dr Gee immediately prescribed a course of 3 different antibiotics, which we took prior to starting, so it was disappointing not to have 'one last month' to try naturally before IVF (because one of the antibiotics is dangerous in pregnancy I couldn't risk it). She said she 'hoped' this would work but antibiotics don't cure all cases of endometritis.

Anyway... we were ready to kick off with Sydney IVF. We met the nurse coordinator and account manager in May 09, they were all incredibly friendly and helpful. Got AF right on time (thanks Metformin!). Dr Gee choose the antagonist short protocol as most appropriate for me - blood test first day of period, then following day start FSH injections (Puregon) so that becomes Day 1.

I felt like I was completely organised - I even typed up a spreadsheet for my cycle so I could keep track - but I still got in a flap! Eg the instructions were, "if bleeding before midday, telephone that day and come in for bloodtest, if after midday, call ASAP and blood test the following day". Well my period actually arrived - but I was so excited/terrified, I did nothing. Fortunately, one of the marvelous nurses rang to see how I was going as their records showed that I should be starting my period very soon. Ooops, I'd completely forgotten that the very first step of my protocol was "call the clinic as soon as your period arrives". Thank goodness they'd called!

The injections were all good, DP did them for me each morning. I had puregon for 10 days, Orgalutran from days 5-10 (ie for 6 days), and the trigger on day 10. I went in several times for blood test and/or scan, DP came with me to later appts so he could see the expanding follies! One crazy morning - Monday - waited for 1 hour for BT and 1hr 45min for ultrasound - other than that pretty quick. I tolerated the drugs incredibly well, Dr Gee had done a brilliant job of getting dose right to avoid hyperstimulation - a significant risk for polycystic ovaries. Felt some bloating toward the last few days, and after egg collection, and some headaches. I drank loads of water every day - well over 3L, but found that my head started pounding if I had any less! Also had a couple of brief periods of feeling a bit breathless but the water took care of that.

We were told to do the trigger at 8.30pm on a sat night, unfortunately my DP had planned a boys night before we knew this... so he did the trigger with a group of boys downstairs yelling and drinking! Funny. They were all fascinated and looked at me very strangely when I came back downstairs. I felt a bit overcome afterwards and had an early night.

Egg collection was Monday morning 25 May so I arranged a day off work for "more women's stuff" (they were used to it by now thanks to all my issues!). I found it a bit painful particularly on the right ovary (due to pressure on cervix) but fortunately there was only 2-3 decent follicles on that side so it was quick! (The poor little right ovary had a couple of large endometriomas removed from it in April, I guess that's why it was a bit slow to respond).

Out of the 12 or so follicles counted during the scans Dr Gee retrieved 6 eggs, all were mature. The following day the lab rang to say that 5 had fertilised normally through IVF (ICSI not required which is good). By Day 3, we had 1 at 10 cells, 1 at 9 cells, 2 at 8 cells and 1 at 6 cells, so 4 of the 5 looking good. Day 5 - Saturday - was embryo transfer, which was very quick and easy - oh, except that we started half an hour later than we were supposed to and I was soooo busting for the loo when they pressed that abdom ultrasound on my tummy!! There was a Grade 1 hatching blastie which was transferred, it looked so cute on the screen! At that time the other 4 embies were classed as 2 expanding blasties, 1 early blastie, and 1 at "only 3.5 day stage". The following day they telephoned to say that 2 were frozen and the other two not suitable.

I was not terribly optimistic of immediate implantation success (uterus lining "too thick" and polypoid, and may have endometritis which is inflammation of the lining) ...OH and a higher risk of miscarriage, as I have a blood clotting factor issue too (low positive anticardiolipin antibodies) - my poor sis lost 4 angel babies before 7 weeks before she was prescribed Heparin therapy and she just had her first baby in June.

Anyway the TWW was, as we all know, sheer agony. As I got to the end of it, the list of symptoms were growing hard to ignore, and I knew that the hormone injectable effect had worn off by then. But I kept convincing myself that it was nothing as I didn't want to get my hopes up. When I got 'the call' from Dr Gee after the blood test, I was completely and utterly shocked! She immediately asked who my obstetrician would be, my mind was racing "Oh do I need one of those??!"... I'm sure I was the first long term TTC and IVF patient who hadn't given any serious thought to actually getting pregnant! I just couldn't let myself believe it would happen, as you may understand from reading about my range of issues.

Anyway of course it was a steep learning curve from that moment, and so far so good. 15 weeks, feeling great and so happy to have little Scooby on the way!

If you read all of that WOW, it is good to assemble various notes I've made through the process and have this record.

Good luck to all of those facing the minefield of health issues and TTC troubles. Babydust to you and hope you have the success I've had SOON!! I also heartily recommend the Dr's I mentioned and SIVF.

[briggsy's girl]

Been meaning to post in here for a while but keep forgetting! this has been taken from my birth story - cos i just can't seem to find the time to type it all up again!

DH and I started trying for a baby in February 2005 - it wasn't a conscious decision as such, just something that happened. kinda a "trying without trying" thing. On April 25 2005, we found out we were pregnant for the first time. we weren't honestly expecting it, and it was something of a shock - but in a good way! unfortunately we lost that angel baby only four days later. it was so very hard ringing DH and telling him on the phone while he was working away - but it was after this loss that we realised we really did want a family.

we got engaged a few months later and were planning our wedding, so trying for a baby just didn't enter the equation. i didn't have a regular cycle, so it's not like we were actively trying or avoiding anything. On December 3rd, 2005 i went shopping in Melbourne for a "mother of the bride" outfit for my mum, and to get some extra stuff we needed for the wedding - we'd barely made it to the shops when i started to bleed heavily. it was bizarre - i'd had nothing since the loss earlier in the year, and hadn't even suspected a pregnancy. DH had lost his brother only days after we'd become engaged, i had changed jobs, DH had changed jobs - everything was so up in the air... i began to think something wasn't right, but had my kitchen tea that night so just got on with everything for the day. the next day we had it confirmed that i'd lost another angel at about 9 weeks - we're not sure exactly how far along we were, but it was damn hard. i laboured and had to deliver the fetus which was scary as all get up and painful physically and emotionally.

after this second loss, we decided that we did want to actively try for a baby, and early January 2006 we went to a GP for immunology testing to make sure all was ok (rubella immunity etc) and the GP decided to check for hormonal issues due to lack of cycle - i was confirmed as having PCOS. over the next few months, we had so many tests and scans, and were eventually referred to a gyne for more investigation. ovarian golf balling surgery, and metformin/clomid didn't force me to ovulate over the coming months so in December 2006 i had my first visit with the fertility specialist

January 2007 we started ovulation induction for IUI - two cycles cancelled due to failure to respond to the meds, then a change to protocol and we started to respond. it took a couple of attempts before we had success in August 2007 and unfortunately we lost that angel as well. In November 2007 we moved to full IVF - our EPU resulted in 22 eggs, but only half were mature enough for attempt to fertilise, and from that, only five fertilised. one transferred, and four frozen. we had no success until our last FET in May of 2008 when the last two embryo's were transferred. we got the news we'd been hoping for on my birthday, but lost the baby only days later, on Mothers Day. we couldn't do another full IVF cycle for a few months due to finances and room in the local clinic so we booked that for November 2008 but decided to throw in a couple of IUI's in between to feel like we were achieving something - July 2008 we got good news again but unfortunately angel number five was taken only days later

August/September 2008 we decided on one last ditch IUI before our next IVF attempt. this time we decided to add some accupuncture into the mix and on September 19 2008 we got confirmation of what we'd known for a few days - i was pregnant again. even though the HCG numbers were low to start with, something just felt right - maybe it was the morning sickness that kicked in straight away. i dunno but i was confident. a series of follow up blood tests and then our first viability scan and suddenly it was all very real, our little Gremlin was on it's way

After a very loooooong and not so fun pregnancy (m/s the whole way, pre-eclampsia etc) our beautiful little girl arrived 12 weeks ago, May 29, 2009.

she is perfect - and more than worth the long journey to get her here!

BG

[grub17]

On December 18, 2009 we welcomed Ashton to this world... here is the story on how he got here.

DH and I married in 2006 and started trying for a family on our honeymoon. We were 25 years old and never considered we wouldn't just fall pregnant like all my friends had. But that was not to be our path.

In July 2007 my GP detected a large 'something' in my belly. Further investigation discovered a dermoid tumour the size of a large orange growing on my right ovary. I was immediately sent to a specialist, who happened to be linked to the local ivf clinic, who removed the dermoid, saving my ovary, and draining a heap of cysts.

I was diagnosed with polycyctic ovaries and placed on metformin. My doctor also encouraged DH to get his boys checked out and we discovered they are mishapen, lazy, and swimming in the wrong direction. We were given a very low chance of ever having a child through natural conception and referred to the IVF clinic.

This news was just devastating news and we decided to take a year to digest the "you can't have kids'' thing as well as save money. I started running and did some 10km races, we went away for weekends, camping and had a great time generally. It took a good 6 months for me to accept the diagnosis fully and be okay with it. I really found it was one of those things that took a long time to work through and digest. It broke my heart and I got quite upset a lot in the first few months.

We were waiting for Jan 2009 to start (mainly for the medicare threshold) but decided we would 'fly under the radar' and start in Oct 08. What i mean by that is we had told our family and friends about our diagnosis and the path ahead for us. But this generated "when are you starting" questions constantly and I started to feel pressure, particularly from my mum.

So we decided we'd do a cycle and not tell a soul. we'd do it pressure-free and just keep saying to people "oh, we are still saving up for it". This worked a treat

Our FS didn't hold back. He went straight for the jugular to get us a baby. We went straight onto an IVF ICSI cycle in Oct 08. it was a full stim cycle and as with most first cycles was unsuccessful. We had one fresh blasto transferred and one embryo frozen. The drugs hit me for six. I could barely get out of bed most days and was very emotional. I would say i was barely functioning. It took me quite a few goes to get the pen needle technique and the guts to poke the needle into myself. I felt stripped bare and vulnerable. I stopped running and DH took over doing everything for me. it was a hopeless matter.

After getting the news our fresh transfer had not worked, I was beside myself. It was so upsetting to have endured so much and not get a result. We did not have time to fit in a transfer or full cycle that year so went away for Christmas and lived it up.

We were so shattered by our lack of success. I'd really convinced myself we would be one of the lucky ones who get preg on their first cycle but it was not to be. That month off over christmas was much needed and really healing as we went away and spent time with friends. We still didn't tell anyone what we were doing.

On our return home in 2009 we had our frozen embryo transferred without success. In February we started our second full stim cycle.

But this cycle I decided i'd try and pull myself out of my fog and bed and not let it interfere as much with our life. I kept running and this became a real lifeline for me. Even when i was exhausted i'd still log 8km runs and feel great afterwards. I'd also become more accepting of our situation and DH and I agreed after this cycle we'd do one more and then call it quits.

I was also mentally protecting myself by looking ahead to our life without children. I did actually start to see an alternative existence and we decided we'd buy a house, upgrade our cars and travel more if kids were not to be part of our life.

On March 23 we had our EPU and I got in a nice long 10km a few days later just before our transfer. This cycle had resulted in 3 excellent quality blasties. I strongly believe my running and better frame of mind really helped the quality of the eggs. We had one transfered and two frozen.

In early April we got the news that finally, for the first time in my life I was pregnant! I could hardly believe it... in fact it took me a good 9 months to believe it was happening... right about the time the midwife yelled 'push' lol.

I had a pretty good pregnancy (although i am not a fan of being pregnant ugh specially in summer) and on Dec 18 Ashton arrived, four days overdue I had a vaginal birth, no tears, just a bit of gas and used a tens machine (and my lovely wonderful DH) and Ash arrived perfect. Not a blemish, spot, squished or mishapen anything.

He is nearly 9 weeks old. Laying in his cot squeaking, means he'll be awake soon. I fall in love a little more everyday and can't wait to transfer our other 2 embies, which hopefully become Ash's siblings.

We probably won't do another full cycle once we've used our 2 embies and part of us hope for a natural wonder to occur. But we feel so blessed to have Ash and can't believe it worked! lol.

I hope that helps given someone starting out on this path some hope.

[AliB]

Hi Grub

I really enjoyed reading your story! Congrats on your success and I do hope that a natural miracle sneaks in before you try your frosties - 3 of my friends who've done IVF have had that happen to them so I have the same little hope for myself.

I really identified with something in particular - I look forward to hearing the midwife yell 'push' to me in the next week or two, then maybe I'll finally believe I'm having a baby too!!

xo

[grub17]

thanks Ali. and i still pinch myself! It's funny how used you become to being the ones without kids and the people it never works for. by your ticker you should have a little bubba about now. ENJOY! ox

[farmgirl77]

Here is our story - it is partly taken from my birth story, but have added some bits in. Sorry for the lenght!

On my 29th birthday, I blurted out to DH (a little drunkly at the time) that I thought I was pg. This was a shock as neither of us had really planned on kids. In 48 hrs we confirmed a BFP with a POAS and were planning which room the baby would sleep in and had considered names…what a turn around! 24 hrs later, a trip to the GP to confirm, and it was a BFN. Don’t know what happened but seems don’t always trust a POAS! After this we decided that having a baby was not such a bad idea so we would stop the pill and ‘see what happened’…

I’m not the kind to let things just ‘happen’ I plan, and then they happen. I looked into natural fertility, charted, and after 10 months decided that this was not ‘just happening’ and that my cycle was irregular, and we needed help. My GP referred me to a gyno, I had some blood taken, and at the same time DH needed to have his swimmers counted just to be on the safe side…happy DH…not. But he did it – fully believing that it was problems with me that were holding up our baby plans – not him!

So in Dec, I went to the gyno, who had DH’s results in front of him. He looked at me, said I was fine (no examination etc) but we needed IVF to have a baby, and gave me a referral to a FS…but no he could not tell me why we needed IVF as DH was not with me. I read upside down the notes which said low numbers and motility. That night I had to tell DH that we needed IVF because of his sperm…prob not the way to do it, but DH was about to be deployed to fires and was not going to be going to a GP to get the results any time soon. We were both in shock!

Due to some family issues, it was not for about three months (Feb) or so that we finally went to see FS for first time. At that appointment it was confirmed that we needed to have IVF, plus we needed ICSI. We had approx a 1 in 1million chance of falling pg naturally. We decide to not do anything until our new house, 3 hrs from where we were living, was built and we had moved.

At this stage my drive to have a baby was much greater than DH’s. He would have been happy not to start IVF, and to just be us, without a baby. In contrast, I was obsessed – I really wanted our baby and I wanted to get on with the IVF. This caused a lot of stress on our relationship and I can only new look back and be amazed at how wonderful my DH was at this time – I put him through hell!

In August, we moved from Melb to our new house in the country. That Dec, we start IVF in Melb – we tie appointments in with my work which involves frequent travel to Melb. Neither of us want to find new FS where we live. FS tells us we have a ‘good chance’ of falling pg from the embies from our first pick up. At this stage, DH says that he is prepared to only do 1 cycle of IVF.

From our first stim cycle, we collect 8 eggs, of which 4 fertilise. We get a BFN from the fresh transfer. We go for a frozen transfer and lose one egg in the thaw and put one back. We now only have one frostie on ice. We get a BFN from our frozen transfer and go into another natural cycle. On the day we are waiting to hear what time our transfer will be the next day, we are both in Melb for meetings – me in the city and DH in the suburbs. I am in a meeting when the phone rings and my FS is on the other end of the line. I go into a little meeting room and burst into tears – I know that as it is the FS calling and not the nurse, that our last embie has not made the thaw and we now have no embies left from our first stim cycle. My heart is breaking. I call DH in tears and say that I am on the way out to him and that I want to go home. I go into the meeting room where I had left my work stuff – pick it up and just leave. I have tears streaming down my face and I don’t care who sees me or what they think – my world has just fallen apart. I pick up DH and we drive the 3hrs home in silence.


DH agrees to second cycle. I make a pact to myself that if I fall pg I will not complain, and will not circulate pictures of my baby to ‘everyone’ on email as I find it hard to handle when LTTTC and undergoing IVF. We only tell some family we are doing IVF once we are well into our journey. My family is no support, and DHs family support is limited.

I obsess over stats and become convinced that there is something else not ‘right’. We get a few more eggs and embies on our second cycle, and decide to have 2 embies transferred each go to speed up our chances of a BFP. I dream of having twins. We get a BFP but have low HCG (chem pg) from our fresh transfer, but the pg does not progress and we end up with an angle baby. I am devastated and just want to curl up in a ball and rock.

As soon as we can, we decide to have a FET. At the time I go into see the FS, I ask for additional blood tests to id reasons for implantation failure. I had been doing much research and am convinced that something is not right with me. One week before our ET, when going in for a routine scan, am told that I have tested positive to antinuclear antibodies (ANA’s) – these prevent implantation. I grieve for all the embies I have lost because my bodies inability to hold them – I feel that I have harmed all these little ones, but no one understands my loss. Am put on aspirin and heparin, after being told I have antiphosphlipid syndrome (APLS) although I have not tested positive to another antibody that usually makes up this diagnosis. We finally get out BFP! Six weeks later we see our DS heartbeat for the first time – not twins – we have lost one, but we have a baby. The next 37 weeks are stressful although the pg is relatively normal; it is classed as high risk due to the APLS. Our beautiful DS is born by emergency c section on the 29th July 2009, to parents that love him with all their hearts.

Useful info on failure to implant that people may be interested in...
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...formation.html
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...y-testing.html
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...g-implant.html

[Loveinamist]

Just thought it was time I posted in here!

DH and I have been together since 1997. I always wanted children but DH was a little less keen. We relocated to London a year later and spent time travelling and being generally responsibility free until we decided to buy a house (2001) and get married (2002). Around the time we got married DH was less resistant to the idea of children. We had a lovely family home and good jobs etc etc. We started doing that type of TTC where the woman is actively TTC and the man is just sort of not doing anything to stop it!! I knew we would have problems because I had never had a regular cycle. I had been diagnosed with PCOS at 15 and was told it would take time to conceive. This sort of made me a little more insistent about actively TTCing to DH as I knew he didn't have the luxury of me just accidently getting pregnant and then him getting used to the idea, which seems to be how men like to approach TTC!
So anyway I had been to see a TCM doctor about regulating my periods but still no success. I started to get some periods but still no pregnancy. I didn't use HPTs but relied on symptoms. Unfortunately my PCOS sometimes causes symptoms that are exactly the same as pregnancy symptoms, so I had many false alarms. Once I had all the symptoms even the metallic taste and got my hopes up. I then got the worst period of my life. I needed to be injected with a painkiller in A&E because the cramps were sooo bad. (Actually looking back on it since having given birth they were exactly like labour pains) I sort of think it may have been an early miscarriage. They couldn't confirm a pregnancy at the hospital but I had been having heavy bleeding for two days before admission so perhaps there wasn't any HCG left.
So fast forward to 2004 when we decided to sell the house and move back to Australia. We travelled around Italy and Japan on our way back and I spent the whole time thinking I was pregnant because the symptoms were back. We arrived in Australia and those hopes came crashing down again with a visit to the doctors. I had got to a stage where I was hoping for that movie type scene in the docs surgery. You go in for something else, they do tests and shock you with the news that you don't have gastro but are in fact pregnant!! I walked out of a few doctor's surgeries in tears because I thought that time it would happen. Silly.

Anyway now TTC became serious. I was buying HPTs by the dozen and finally starting buying the cheapies online. Never ever saw a second line even on the OPKs. DH was on board fully and we were advised to try metformin and clomid with the GP. Three goes didn't make me ovulate at all. Decided to go to an FS. We have moved to North Queensland by then. Went with QFG. Found DH had morphology issues. Can't remember why but we abandoned TTC and moved back to Brisbane in 2006. Still did the HPTs though.

Went with QFG in Brisbane. Tried FSH injections and I produced no eggs. Tried again on a higher dose and produced too many follicles for a natural at home 'insemination' FS suggested IVF right there and then as he said we had the right amount for IVF. Next minute we are talking to a nurse about the cost. DH and I have a tearful session at the coffee shop downstairs. DH convinces me that we cannot afford it and we should start private medical cover and come back in a year. I feel sooo frustrated that for the first time in my life I have eggs ready to fertilise and I can't!!!

Roll on 2007 and we go to a naturopath, lose weight and get healthy. We decide Australia is not for us (job issues family etc etc) So in the month that I would have been starting IVF, I am on a plane to the UK. I go straight to a doc here. She says I have waited too long and refers me for IVF and ovarian drilling ASAP (all free on National Health Service!!) 6 months later I have the drilling. I start to get periods. Every 40 days but they are regular!!! I have tons of scans on day 12 which really pees me off as I know I do not ovulate on day 14 but about day 25!!! But they won't listen. I am determined that I will get pregnant if I give this drilling success a chance. A letter arrives from Guys Hospital asking me to start IVF. I send back a 'please delay' letter saying I need more time to see if the drilling will work. Another letter arrives, I delay again. Finally after 6 months (and a couple more IVF letters) my FS is getting impatient with me. He tells me that if the drilling was going to work it would have worked by now. I still refuse to believe him and want to give the drilling more time.
Well the next IVF letter arrives. I grit my teeth and say to myself 'I am going to have to get this bloody IVF cycle out of the way so I can get back to concentrating on getting pregnant!'

So we do the IVF and have all sorts of calamities with snow delaying consultations and wrong deliveries of drugs etc but everything seems to go smoothly. On the day of transfer I got this funny feeling and started crying in the waiting room. DH asked me what was wrong. I told him that I just knew our little baby was in another room around the corner. For the first time in 7 or so years I could actually visualise us having a baby and I knew he was soooooo close. Just up the corridor and around the corner, waiting to go home with his mummy and daddy and he was. For the first time in my life, two weeks later I had two lines on an HPT. DH said to do another test. I just said 'no that is enough'

Anyway got to go...my little one is waking up wanting a feed!

Good luck ladies!!!

[Persephone1]

You can read the Birth Story for some more information, but here's the gist of our TTC (in a nutshell!):

I went off the Pill in June 2006. We actively TTC'd for about 12 months, and had tests done in June-August 2007. DH's sperm count was bad, with poor morphology, low count and poor mobility (trifector!). I was told I had polycysts on my ovaries, but not PCOS.

We saw a naturopath, had acupuncture and CHM, and saw the FS in December 2007. He recommended ICSI, but we decided to hold off for awhile and keep TTC with some natural interventions. By the time we were ready to try IVF, it was December 2008. I did the Down-Reg stim cycle with gonal-f, synarel, etc, and had an EPU in January 2009. We collected 18 eggs, 15 of which were fertilised. We froze 14 of them at Day 2.

We had a total of 7 transfers. The first six were Day 2 single-transfer embryos. The third transfer resulted in a chemical pregnancy. By the time we reached our 7th transfer, we only had 6 Day 2 embryos left in the freezer (we lost some in the thaw process). We decided to thaw the remaining 6 embryos to Day 5 - and out of that we had 2 left, which we transferred. We got a after our 7th transfer, in September 2009. We have no frozen embryos left, so if we decided to TTC#2, we'll have to go back for another stim cycle.

Archie, our little ICSI man, was born in June 2010, 4 years after we started TTC. IVF and LTTTC was a hell of a ride, but it now makes up part of who I am, who we are as a couple, and I suppose that's the road we had to travel.

When beginning IVF, there are always lots of questions and emotions - don't hesitate to ask, vent, cry, and seek support and information. And good luck!

[butterfly_warrior]

19 months later - about time I get my act together!

We had always planned to have children sometime between when I was 25 and 30. It was all meant to be over and done with by the time I was 30 years old. Unfortunately, at age 25 the start of some quite serious health issues hit. I was diagnosed with a weird mosquito-borne virus (Barmah Forest Virus - similar to Ross River Fever), this became post-viral syndrome which eventually become chronic fatigue syndrome, which was eventually changed to serum-negative rheumatoid arthritis. My immune system had been kicked into over-drive and now couldn't switch off and was attacking my joints causing severe pain. Throw in a car accident and an injury to my right hand which took months to recover, then severe headaches where we went through all kinds of testing (eyes, CT scan, MRI) and eventually ended up at a neurologist who diagnosed stress and started me on medication for it... I was now a few months off turning 31 and had spent five years simply managing all the health issues that my body had thrown at me.

In December of 2005 it was quite accidental. The medication I had started on basically knocked me out and made me sleepy very quickly. I was on the pill which at that stage I took at night before bed. It was during the week of my period and I'd take the anxiety medication and fall asleep without taking the pill... and I continued that pattern into the next week without realising. A couple of weeks later when I finally had the guts to tell DH that I'd completely forgotten about taking the pill we decided that I was finally well enough to contemplate having children and we began trying in earnest.

I still remember the length of that first cycle - 35 days. I was quite devestated as I came from a family with a long history of falling pregnant the first time they tried. And on the first day of my period I got an email from a friend telling me that she had just conceived the first time they tried... I became quite used to that feeling.

In February of 2006 I got a positive pregnancy test. They say false positives on pee sticks are impossible - but I now know that they are NOT. A blood test with my GP came back negative, a follow up home test I'd done was also negative. But no AF. My GP sent me for a scan which showed PCOS, and sent me for blood tests which showed slightly elevated male hormones and confirmed the diagnosis. In April of 2006 I started on metformin. I began acupuncture not long after, which continued throughout my treatment. In September I was given a script to start clomid. In October I begged a script for provera from a Dr friend of mine so that I could actually have a period and start clomid. During that time my DH had been sent for a semen analysis and we were told even more devestating news. Low count, bad motility, poor morphology. DH had mutant sperm that couldn't swim and not very many of them at that! The gyno that I have since refused to ever see again gave me the news that clomid had not made me ovulate while I was walking along the main street of Rozelle towards acupuncture. He dropped the news on me that IVF was our only hope during that same phone call. Fantastic bed side manner, NOT!

It was discovered that DH's poor sperm was down to a varicocele. Our GP gave us a referral to an IVF specialist, but also suggested that DH consult a urologist. The FS was against having the varicocele repaired so we left it for a bit. In December of 2006 we walked through the door of the IVF clinic for the first time.

In January we returned for the results of more tests. My PCOS was way worse than anyone ever suspected and my dosage of metformin was increased and I was put onto a special diet for four weeks and at the same time was put on the pill for four weeks in preparation to start IVF. It was the same one I'd used for 13 years, so didn't expect any problems. Unfortunately when I began taking it I began to bleed... and bleed... and bleed... I ended up in an after hours GP clinic over the Australia Day long weekend demanding s prescription that the doctor I'd never seen before had never heard of and couldn't find in MIMS because it was spelled strangely. Fun times. But I was soaking through a super tampon and a pad in less than an hour and was close to passing out most of the time.

In early March it all began - synarel. Failed to respond. Attend clinic for a scan which discovered a large follicle - while taking clomid I had failed to ovulate, but while taking synarel I'd grown a lovely follicle. Strange body. I was given a trigger shot which didn't lift my hormones enough so I then had to take primolut for a short period of time to induce a bleed and then finally we began with lucrin this time. I got to start hormone injections over a weekend trip to Tamworth with my church. After 5 days of puregon injections I had again failed to respond. My dose was doubled and after four days I was brought in for another blood test. Too much response! I then had 9 days of daily blood tests and reducing the dose of puregon until I finally got in for EPU where 26 eggs were collected. I had developed a nasty case of OHSS so there was no transfer booked. Of those 26 eggs, 20 were mature, 15 fertilised and 4 grew to blast and were frozen. We thought we would never have to go through another stim cycle again!

My FS used letrozole to induce ovulation for a natural FET cycle. In early June I had a transfer of my first blastocyst. Morning sickness kicked in three days later and my blood test was positive. We had achieved a pregnancy and were absolutely ecstatic! It all seemed too easy. Just over two weeks later our scan showed everything as it should be... but two weeks after that I was back in the IVF clinic for an emergency scan after some scary bleeding over the weekend. It was the first day of term and I'd called in sick that morning so we could have the scan. I walked in convinced that we would be walking out feeling silly for panicking with a few more pictures of our growing baby. We walked out devestated. My baby had stopped growing and I was booked for a D&C that night. I later connected the time my baby had died with the time my GP had suggested I reduce the dosage of metformin to help me cope with morning sickness.

I spent several months on a break from IVF. I had terrible problems with depression after the miscarriage and spent some time in counselling. We consulted with another FS who confirmed that I did have auto-immune problems leading to miscarriage. I had too many natural killer cells in my blood. They are an essential part of the immune system, but with too many of them they can attack and kill babies in utero. I'd been on 10mg of prednisone for my arthritis and was told that regardless of what happened with the arthritis I had to stay on 10mg at all times while undergoing IVF and increase to 20mg with each transfer.

We eventually went back to our original FS and had another transfer. Unfortunately this was the last of our frozen embryos. One was used for our first transfer and then two had failed to thaw for this one and so our last one was put back. A few days later morning sickness kicked in and I was confident that we were back on track. Unfortunately, AF arrived on the due date and I was confused and devestated. At our final blood test we had a very low HCG level - My embryo had tried, but failed. October of 2007 saw our second miscarriage.

We began another stim cycle - this time terrified as I knew just how bad OHSS could be. But we had a new plan and my FS was confident we could avoid it. Unfortunately my first blood test showed that we were in trouble. I went off work on sick leave because I was too stressed to cope. I ended up missing the last month of the school year as I was admitted to hospital for a week with bad OHSS. This time we had 32 eggs collected. 30 of them were mature, 20 fertilised and 7 grew to blast. This time we had used polscope with ICSI instead of just straight ICSI. With 7 embryos in the freezer we again thought that we would never have to do another stim cycle.

January of 2008 saw our third transfer. Two embryos had failed to thaw, but number three was fine. Unfortunately it all happened the same way as in October and we lost our third baby just before the school year of 2008 resumed. We booked in for a fourth transfer - we had some more thaw failures but one looked ok. We arrived on the morning of our transfer to be told that our embryo had stopped progressing over night but they had thawed another one that morning and it looked fine. After three previous miscarriages it was almost a relief to hear the final result of HCG zero at our blood test. Another FET was booked - We had two embryos left and I was very nervous about whether we would actually get to transfer. The day before I got the phone call - one had failed but the other was fine. I was excited but still very worried after our last experience. Unfortunately, while I was getting dressed to head in for transfer number 5 the phone rang - our very last embryo had failed over night and with nothing left it was back to the drawing board. I stopped getting dressed and put my PJs back on and went back to bed.

Our third stim cycle. I was PETRIFIED. We couldn't wait to time it well enough to have things happen with holiday time to recover. I was on notice from school after having had so much sick leave the year before - if I had another long period of time off work I would lose my good year 12 class and never get another. I began puregon injections at the start of the term one holidays and had egg collection on ANZAC day. This time we'd had a lower start, another drug was introduced to help prevent the OHSS from developing and I'd been put back on the horrific diet. I still had daily blood tests, I still had my dosage of puregon reduced constantly, but when I went for EPU they were confident that I would get to transfer. Things got a little shakey at the end as one blow out of the diet nearly threw everything out and I only narrowly avoided OHSS that time.

Our hopes were very much up and down with this cycle. 20 eggs were collected. Unfortunately only 12 of them were mature and only 3 of those fertilised. We elected to have a day three transfer instead of growing to blast with so few embryos. Repeating some blood tests had shown a possible issue with blood clotting in pregnancy - lupus anticoagulants, so aspirin had been added to the combination of metformin and prednisone. It was our first fresh transfer so I really didn't know what to expect. I certainly didn't expect to start having issues with morning sickness around a week before my blood test! I think I wrote everything off as down to the pessaries so I was actually genuinely surprised when the pee stick the night before my blood test was positive!

My numbers at the official blood test were quite high - they had refused to tell me as they just wanted me to focus on enjoying (ha!) pregnancy. Our scan at 6 weeks and 3 days showed everything to be perfect. We had our first OB appointment booked for 8 weeks and 6 days, which was a day after our first miscarriage. Everything fine. More scans at 10 weeks - fine. 12 weeks - fine. 18 weeks and a single umbilical artery was diagnosed. I was initially freaked, but was then told that it would simply mean more scans. At 18 weeks they were worried the baby would be small. At 24 weeks everything was again fine and he was perfect size for dates. At 32 weeks everything was still fine but they started to worry that the baby was too big.

We had what turned out to be our last OB appointment at 35 weeks and 6 days, it was a Thursday. Our OB was now worried that the baby was quite large and booked us in for a scan on Monday in case they needed to talk about inducing me at 39 weeks. I had the GBS swab done and was told to go home, rest, put my feet in support stockings and keep them elevated... never doing that again!

One thing I found out later is that prednisone not only makes you fat in high doses, but it also generally increases fluid levels in the body. When the support stockings forced the fluid out of my feet... There wasn't too many places it could go. My waters broke around 4am on the 19th of December 2008. I was only 36 weeks! Contractions started around 6am and at 7:30am when we arrived at the hospital they were only 3-4 minutes apart. I was a little scared that things were progressing so quickly and that we were so early! But a friend had given birth at exactly 36 weeks in early 2007 so I had a fair idea of what we were in for and that things would ultimately be ok. I was also concerned that my baby had flipped to be posterior when he hadn't been that way the entire pregnancy! When the back pain became too much I asked to be helped into a different position to see if that helped before we tried pethidine or an epidural. At the same time a scalp clip was put on as I had to be monitored constantly due to being pre-term and every time I moved with a contraction the monitor would lose the baby's heartbeat and freak me out. I was at 5cm when I was put on my knees leaning up over a beanbag... The baby flipped around at the same time and I went from 5cm to pushing in the space of two contractions. All this time and we'd only been using gas. By the time I decided I wanted more it was too late.

I won't go into the full details of our birth story as they were (for me) quite traumatic and are posted elsewhere on BB. But our son, Samuel Angus was born at 12:48pm on the 19th of December 2008 at exactly 36 weeks gestation. He was 2480g, 48cm long and had a head circumference of 33cm. No monster baby at all - just a very long and skinny one. We spent 10 days in special care nursery attempting to establish breastfeeding, but it never worked out. Our first Christmas as a family was spent in hospital - which was unexpected, surreal, but also perfect and beautiful at the same time. Samuel is now 19 months old - if we add the time of to how old he is now we still don't even reach the length of time that we spent trying to get him, so even now it still feels a little odd to be parents - but at the same time it also feels like it has been forever and I couldn't imagine life being any other way.

BW

[lise]

To anyone reading this looking for hope - don't give up! As you can see there are lots of success stories - here's ours...

I'd been on Depo Provera for about 3 years when DH and I decided it was time for a baby. I had my last depo shot in July 2007 and was due for one October 2007 which I didn't have, and AF arrived in December. For 18 months we tried to conceive naturally and I even tried Maybe Baby to help with timing. Finally mentioned to my GP that we were trying and she suggested some tests. I had mine and they were all fine so DH went in for his. The GP thought his were okay also but referred us to a FS who redid all our tests. Our second appointment with him he quite bluntly told us that DH had low sperm count, and poor morphology and motility and that IVF/ICSI was really our only hope. He did say it wasn't impossible for us to get pregnant without it but that it could take years and years and we didn't really have that. So we started straight away on an antagonist cycle - I injected myself with hormones, and then to stop myself from ovulating. Although I was quite worried about the injections beforehand I found them very easy once I was used to them. First cycle I had 5 eggs at the epu which I was a little disappointed with but the FS said was fine. The day of our transfer I had a phonecall from the FS saying that of the 5 eggs, 3 had fertilised but had all developed multiple nuclei and they don't transfer those as they mostly end up with bad outcomes. To say we were devastated was an understatement - we had been out shopping and both DH and I cried all the way home. We saw FS the next week and he said we could go straight into another stim cycle but it was up to us if we were emotionally ready for that. I knew i'd be worse if we waiting to so we launched straight into it. We upped my dosage of Gonal-F this time but I still only had 7 eggs at the epu, 6 fertilised and 3 of those again developed multitple nuclei leaving us with 3 eggs. We transferred 2 and the dreaded 2WW began. I have a short cycle so I was pretty sure i'd know before the blood test if it had worked, and sure enough the Sunday before our Wednesday bt I POAS and it was a BFP! DH didn't quite believe it though I did the test daily, until we had the official test and the official phone call. I had a fabulous pregnancy with no symptoms (I HIGHLY recommend acupuncture, I did it throughout my pregnancy) and at 41w2d my gorgeous little boy was born. He's now just over 7 weeks and we fall more in love with him every day.

Though ours wasn't a terribly long ART journey, it was still a huge journey for us. I found this site to be an absolute life saviour throughout the process and couldn't have survived without the support of the wonderful ladies I met here.

So wishing everyone all the very best of luck and may you be posting here yourself soon xx