Terry, Murraycod, Lairdoz and Juniper, thanks for your support.
My period came on fully around 11am this morning. I've spent most of the day in bed nursing my very sore, crampy belly and crying. I tried ringing my parents around 5 times. They finally called me back 20 minutes ago. My Mum told me my father had been feeling very positive about the whole thing but mum hadn't... she said that since all the tests along the way had shown everything was only just within acceptable limits she's not suprised it didn't work. But told me that if I try again maybe the test results might be like my first ones (which were perfect but we ended up not being able to proceed because the clinic had stuffed up blood test results and I needed to get re-immunised for Rubella which meant my cycle had to be put on hold for a month (so I was on synarel for an extra month and when I then had a repeat of the down reg ultrasound my follicles were fairly large (several around the 9 and I was told if any had been 10 they would have cancelled the cycle) and my lining was 4 times as big as the previous one).
I rang the clinic to ask what the next step is and was told I need to have the blood test to confirm that my hormone levels are returning to normal and then the doctor will be notified and he will decide what my options are. I really don't like my doctor (which is probably another part of the reason I didn't want to try again). The nurses are okay, one especially is very nice, the head one - not so much. I don't want to have to go back and see the doctor again.
I asked them about counselling and they told me that I need to get my GP to give me a referral for a mental health plan and then medicare will pay some of the costs of counselling with a private counsellor the clinic uses. So I'm not sure how out of pocket I will be. I asked if it was the same counsellor who I had to see for the state mandated counselling session which you have to have before you can use donor gametes and she said yes. I really hated that counsellor so I can't see any point in going to her because it made me feel crap the first time when I was feeling positive, imagine how much worse she'd make me feel now! The nurse then gave me another name to try.
The problem I am faced with now is that I don't want to try again, but I'm not "at peace" with the decision to give up. I look around my beautiful farm (which I bought with the intention of raising another child here) and I just feel so sad and alone.
This morning my daughter saw I was crying and asked why. I told her I got my period (she is 13 so knows this means I'm not pregnant) and she just said "Well I felt sick last night". I asked if she was okay now and she was and went off to school. I know she is only 13 but it hit home then that she doesn't understand or care what I am going through and I guess that's good... she shouldn't have to share this stress but it also made me feel more alone.
I am very grateful I already have a child... and most of the time she is a great kid. I was so lucky I concieved her (by accident when her father and I were using contraception and only saw each other once a fortnight). I feel like she was a soul floating around just waiting to be born and it was her need to be born that bought her father and I back together time after time. We split up for good when I was 16 weeks pregnant and he has never met her. Maybe I don't have any other souls attached to me waiting to be born. Maybe it is time that I just accepted that fact. She is the only child I'm meant to have and I need to make the most of the next 5 years? of her still living with me before she goes off into the big wide world (she wants to work and backpack her way around the world).
I guess the hardest thing to accept is that as a child and teenager, when my friends were imagining their big white weddings and a house full of kids, I always pictured myself as the single mother of 2 kids. There was never a partner in my visions (which has proved to be true) but there were always two kids (which seems to be proving impossible).
Thanks for listening and for your support.
I hope you all get some positive news soon.
Dreamrise - I'm sorry for everything you're going through at the moment. Hopefully you will be able to take some time out for yourself to try and come to terms with it and make a decision about your next steps. Thinking of you...
Maggie - I also have a BT on Thursday. Hope you're staying strong and not POAS yet!
Murraycod - I'm with you on the cramping too - I just assumed AF was on the way, but reading through this thread has given me a slight glimmer of hope. Let us know how you go with your 2WW pill - I'm sure most of us would be willing to pay top dollar!
Kimbe - sorry to hear your news, but it was also nice to hear how supportive your DH is.
To everyone else who is still waiting - I've got everything crossed for all of you.
Dreamrise you sound like such a strong woman and I'm sure you will make the decison which is right for you. I'm sorry it didn't work this time but when you have had time to think it over and get over the pain I'm sure you will decide what to do next. We all do in this tww waiting game.
AFM I got my phonecall this morning that it didn't work. So now I just need my FS to put my next cycle up on the computer today and I'll be starting my next thaw I guess in the next few weeks.
Thank you all for your support and I hope to just pop in and see at least a few of you get your BFP because I'm sure that each and every one of us deserves to be a mother
Geez there seems to be a run of bad luck in here ATM, girls I'm so sorry things haven't worked, you are all so very strong, stronger than me!
This pill idea sounds like a good one!! Wish I had the skills to follow it through!!
Today for me has been pretty much the same as the others, crampy, lots of cramps. Grrrrr.
Hi Ladies,
I'm feeling bad for my rant on Sunday. DH isn't the selfish twit I portrayed him to be. In fact he's quite lovely and understanding. I was just having a melt-down. (the medication or the stress?)
Terry- sorry to here it didn't work this time. I'm glad to hear you sound positive and are throwing yourself right back in there. I'll look forward to reading how you go next month.
Dreamrise- I'm sad to hear you're so down now. I think that the fact that you can remember how you pictured your life when you were young is a sign. That child you long for might still come. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a sweetheart at home.
Nay29- sorry to report I caved this afternoon and did it. Just as before there was a faint yet distinct line. Hope it's not a chemical like last time. Will know in 2 days. Have you done any POAS? It does seem like May hasn't been a lucky month for many. I hope we change that. Will look out for your post.
To all the other ladies- hold in there. There's a full moon soon, maybe it will bring us all some luck.
Hi everyone....there is not many names that i recognise in here anymore, and I swore I was going to try and stay away from the forums this time and try to keep busy! I am sorry that I'm busting in on your thread BUT....I am kind of freaking out. Last wednesday I had a lovely little hatching 5 day blasty transfered and despite what I told myself I POAS this morning...a faint second line came up after about 2 minutes and not so faint that I had to squint, it is definitely there! I only had one trigger injection 2 weeks ago and since then just crinone. Could this really be it or could it be something else?? This is our 4th IVF/ICSI attempt (hopefully someone remembers me :-) ) but my BT isn't til monday!! Eeeeeeek
I'm not really sure how to answer you question. Crinone has no Hcg in it so it can't give you a positive result on the test. Did your trigger injection have Hcg in it? I've done a little reading on the internet and I think Hcg injections should clear your system by two weeks (but am not certain)
So- your line might just be the real thing!
Good luck- I hope it is!
I'm wishing I hadn't checked though- still, 1 more sleep to go.
Trea- I can't resist a rhyme. You made me laugh. Thanks
Bj honey WELCOME!!! I remember you (huggs), honey, the longest a trigger shot lasted in my system was 9 days, and it was a 5000iu pregnyl. So i'd be very confident!!! Good luck honey!!
And don't be sorry to burst in, that's what this thread is for babe! XXX
Maggie, hold in there hon, I think we are just about to have a streak of luck in here!!
I caved thismorning too...woopsy!! I couldn't do it any more, if the cramping didn't bother me as much as it did, I would have held off, but I just neded to get it over and done with before I turned into a mess.
Well I got a positive HPT !!!! The line came up so quickly and strong, I rang the clinic and they will bring my beta forward '1' whole day for me, Woopsydoo!!!
Am quietly excited, my cramping has all but dissapeared into a stitch like pinch on my right side, only a few mild cramps now and then.
I can't beleive that this may be it!! XX
Love to all who are TWWing, cramping may very well be a good sign after all girls!!
BJ, usually the trigger is gone by around 10 days, but for some people it lasts up to 12. I'd say that's most likely a real BFP you've got there. I'd love to hear what your beta result is!
murraycod, congratulations! Can't wait to hear your beta result too!
Maggie, so far as I know, all trigger shots are hcg. hcg is structurally very similar to LH, which is the hormone that causes O in a natural cycle. That's why it works as a trigger.
Ohhhhh i am so excited for you guys...
(Yep, still checking in to see the end of the TWW for you!!) It is sounding so positive, can't wait to hear over the next few days if the BFP shows itself and brings some joy into the room and your lives
Thanks so much Maggie
Juniper & Murraycod!! Not that I'm happy that you guys are still here but it is good to see some familiar names. Murraycod....that sounds like a BFP to me. When is your official BT? Is your stitch like pinch up high near your ribs? If it is then thats your liver telling you that something very hormaonal is going on & can be a very good sign. How exciting!!!
Juniper, thanks! & I hope you are feeling better soon.
I told my DH and we are both just kind of dumbstruck....are not letting ourselves get too excited and have decided to wait til Friday to do another test then just go in Monday for BT as planned.
Just wanted to pop my head in here and wish you lovely ladies the very, very best of luck for your TWWs! Got my fingers crossed for you all.
Murraycod - just had to say I'm busting with excitement at your news! It sounds very, very positive! I wrote a post for this thread a couple of days ago but lost it - wanted to say I had cramping in my cycle, thought it was all over, but turns out it wasn't! Just be careful sweetie of the dreaded OHSS, if you're UTD it can get bad... I know I'm telling you stuff you already know, but I've been drinking a sports drink and a protein shake every day to try and keep mine in check. Ooooh, I'm for excellent BT results, good they've moved it a day earlier!
Juniper76 - hope you're not feeling too poorly sweetie, and the TWW is not doing your head in too much! Hope your worries about your embies have subsided a bit too.
As for you other beautiful girls, I wanted to say remember that it ain't over til the fat lady sings, I was reading that some of you were worried about feeling nothing. Apart from the cramping a couple of days before AF was due, I pretty much felt nothing this cycle (I was on half doses of Pregnyl due to OHSS), and had convinced myself it was all over. I certainly had had stronger pg symptoms in previous unsuccessful cycles, I'd had the works too - everything from nausea to *TMI* veiny BBs. I know nothing I can say will really make this TWW madness any easier, but just wanted to share my experience in the hope of helping a little bit.
Wishing you babydust and stickyvibes, I'll leave you girls alone now. Best of luck!
Looks like I'm probably out. I've had some light bleeding this afternoon. No pain like I'd normally get with AF so far, so I'm not quite calling it AF yet, but realistically that's probably what it is.
I'm in shock. The line on my HPT was so faint I'd convinced myself it was going to be another chemical pregancy but I just got a call from the clinic at it's positive. My Hcg is over 300.
So ladies- if you're not having any symptoms (as I'm not) do not worry, it can still be possible.
Murraycod and Nay29 I hope you get the same rsults soon. I mean that for all the ladies in here waiting to find out.
Juniper- hold in there. It's not over until they tell you it is. Anything is still possible.
x
Thanks to everyone on this forum for putting yourselves out here and being such wonderful, supportive people. I'm so glad I found this forum.
Just as before there was a faint yet distinct line. Hope it's not a chemical like last time. Will know in 2 days. Have you done any POAS? It does seem like May hasn't been a lucky month for many. I hope we change that. Will look out for your post. 
I wrote a post for this thread a couple of days ago but lost it - wanted to say I had cramping in my cycle, thought it was all over, but turns out it wasn't! Just be careful sweetie of the dreaded OHSS, if you're UTD it can get bad... I know I'm telling you stuff you already know, but I've been drinking a sports drink and a protein shake every day to try and keep mine in check. Ooooh, I'm 
for excellent BT results, good they've moved it a day earlier!
Bookmarks