My husband declared the other day that he was tired of sacrificing when I mentioned to him that the next time we needed to really try was during his work xmas parties where they'd be serving free alcohol. It hit me really hard when he wasn't willing to give up one thing when I've given up so much.
It's been 3 years since I've been diving.
A year since I've given up caffeine. Almost a year since I've given up even decaf coffee and tea (you won't rip the chocolate bar out of my hands). I don't take NSAID's anymore except for when the cramps get really really bad. Stopped taking melatonin when I can't sleep, read the warnings on every cream, ointment, gel, pill, and tablet. Then look up their pregnancy class online. And then I go without them more often than not 'just in case'.
I've had UTI's three times in the past few months (now having to pee before and right after each attempt) complete with a round of pregnancy 'safe' antibiotics that made me fussy each time.
I turn down brie, feel bad eating (vegetarian) sushi, overcook my eggs even though I like them a little runny, try extra hard to make sure I'm getting enough iron, protein, proper vitamins and minerals in my diet each day, and not gain weight at the same time. Meaning I have to make sure each calorie I eat counts. No more cookies and tea for breakfast, or browinies and coffee for snacks.
Take pregnancy vitamins every day (I ripped the label off months ago hoping to trick myself into thinking it's just a multivitamin). Try to be active and stay positive even though my sister in law beat me to the first grandchild status, AND she had a girl! Have not given up ballet as it's the one bit of exercise I get during the week (plus the class is pretty good fun) but stress out each time we do grand battement derriere (basically a big kick, derriere being to the back ) which a teacher told me once can have an effect on pregnancy. Haven't gotten my ice skates sharpened since that's off the cards if I do get pregnant. Worry each time I don dust mask and gloves to change the cat litter.
Had a laparascopy for endometriosis, which wasn't pleasant and now am thinking IVF or IUI may be next and they sound even more unpleasant. Wishing that I didn't have to be contemplating the added cost of getting pregnant since I'd much rather be spending it on a Canon 5Dmark ii (with a lens or two ).
Ordered sperm safe lube and OPKs online after learning from my gyn that the months of using a saliva scope were useless since they're not really all that accurate, and I tend to agree with him since getting test strips. Although I must admit looking at the ferns was quite fun. Doing a saliva sample meant not eating or drinking for a few hours, doing the OPK test strips means not peeing or drinking for hours. The latter is difficult when you're constantly afraid of getting a UTI.
And lets not even get into the emotional rollercoaster that the hormones keep bringing on.
I suppose it's just hard for a guy to understand, after all he has given it up for a few months, and it would be hard to say no to free stuff. I've told him he can do whatever he wants, we're creatures of free will after all!
i gave up pretty much everything at one time or another - the biggest was my DH - not that we split or anything - emotionally we were stronger than ever - but we had to do assisted conception (IUI/IVF) and the only way to afford that was for him to work away from home for long periods. three of the 6.5 years we've been together. we ended up selling our home to pay for treatment debts - pretty huge sacrifice for both of us. he sacrificed being at home and having a normal life to drive a truck all over the place, coming home for ivf appointments and to produce his sample when needed. he couldn't maintain normal friendships locally, couldn't just catch up with people - it all had to be pre-planned and slotted into limited windows when he was home - which meant limited couple time. he was away for all but one positive result, all the negatives, four of the losses. he was away for the bulk of our pregnancy with DD - and almost missed her birth!
i must admit, drinks with the boys on occassion was one sacrifice i never asked him to make. ever. his results were fine when a semen analysis was done (and he'd not "behaved" to get the results to look good or anything!), and i didn't want the journey to having a baby becoming something he resented. it was bad enough that i resented the intrusiveness and sacrifices i was making - i NEEDED him to maintain the positive mindset to drag me out of that funk when things were just not working out. one of us had to still be able to see the prize - without resentment clouding everything kwim?
Neda, I ache for you & send you a massive hug. Reading your story was like a mirror of my own, right down to the laparoscopy ( I had 2 including removal of fallopian tube).
6 years later I fell pregnant -naturally- & gave birth to a beautiful DS who is about to turn 3. How did I do it?
I gave up all the sacrifices & started living & enjoying life again. To my utmost shock I was pregnant within months. But it wasn't all that easy. There is no "off" switch. It was a slow process emotionally & spiritually to realise it was ok to move on. I had to come to the realisation that I was holding onto the idea of motherhood so tight I was choking the dream to death. I reassessed my idea of motherhood, of ticking biological clocks that everyone likes to remind you of, & probably most importantly I let go of all the guilt. It wasn't necessarily a conscious effort but out of sheer frustration & tiredness of all I was giving up. & like I said it was thought processes over maany months that got me to a place where I was able to turn to my husband & say "I don't want kids". Scary huh?. The hardest part? Giving up my naturopath & all her magic potions. I didnt want to but we were financially unable to afford it any longer. I was terrified, (spent days in tears) & then it dawned on me that I was using it as an emotional crutch to keep from hitting rock bottom.
Neda, please dont lose faith in yourself. Start to love yourself a little. Youve done nothing wrong, & now it is time to start living, loving & laughing. Have a cuppa, a cookie, go diving & finish with a glass of wine. Enjoy being you in all your glory.
If you wish to talk or would like some info on a wonderful seminar I did on dealing with "infertility" (awful word) please feel free to contact me
Take care Neda & use some of that motherly instinct & nurture yourself for a change
Jasz_altaz I wish I had 6 years, but I don't, well, I'm sure I do but being halfway between 30 and the dreaded 35 makes me not want to wait any longer. That and the fact that I realized that my daily aches and pains aren't going to go away, and I'm not going to wake up one morning with a ton of energy so I better get cracking! since I know pregnancy and parenthood already take a lot. I did have a cup of cold brew water process decaf with a little milo and a lindt ball that was in the veggie drawer. Chocolate is a vegetable, thats why it's the only thing in our veggie drawer! (Truthfully, we just got a new fridge, yay!, and I'd just tossed all the old sad looking veggies in the compost, but having a chocolate drawer just sounds so much more fun). I'll let you have the glass of wine for me as I don't drink .
I really do try and relax about the whole thing, but it just keeps creeping in on me. Thanks for the e-hug!
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Sacrifices
Mostly my sanity
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