Neda, I ache for you & send you a massive hug. Reading your story was like a mirror of my own, right down to the laparoscopy ( I had 2 including removal of fallopian tube).
6 years later I fell pregnant -naturally- & gave birth to a beautiful DS who is about to turn 3. How did I do it?
I gave up all the sacrifices & started living & enjoying life again. To my utmost shock I was pregnant within months. But it wasn't all that easy. There is no "off" switch. It was a slow process emotionally & spiritually to realise it was ok to move on. I had to come to the realisation that I was holding onto the idea of motherhood so tight I was choking the dream to death. I reassessed my idea of motherhood, of ticking biological clocks that everyone likes to remind you of, & probably most importantly I let go of all the guilt. It wasn't necessarily a conscious effort but out of sheer frustration & tiredness of all I was giving up. & like I said it was thought processes over maany months that got me to a place where I was able to turn to my husband & say "I don't want kids". Scary huh?. The hardest part? Giving up my naturopath & all her magic potions. I didnt want to but we were financially unable to afford it any longer. I was terrified, (spent days in tears) & then it dawned on me that I was using it as an emotional crutch to keep from hitting rock bottom.

Neda, please dont lose faith in yourself. Start to love yourself a little. Youve done nothing wrong, & now it is time to start living, loving & laughing. Have a cuppa, a cookie, go diving & finish with a glass of wine. Enjoy being you in all your glory.

If you wish to talk or would like some info on a wonderful seminar I did on dealing with "infertility" (awful word) please feel free to contact me

Take care Neda & use some of that motherly instinct & nurture yourself for a change