Hello,
All I seem to do is post negative stuff here, but its the one place that I can, and people understand. So sorry to those reading this and think that all I do is complaine - I'm not really like this all the time - sometimes I'm happy and cheerful...I think.. maybe.

I'm just feeling very alone at th emoment. I think part of it is the TWW, the progesterone and feeling that AF is about to arrive, but part of it is our situation, and I just dont know what to do.

Apart from two couples, all our/my friends are either pg or have had kids. Most with no hassels, and the of the people I know that did use IVF concieved on their first go, and the other, while it took time have a beautiful baby boy. Our friends are pretty dispersed too, and are not within visiting distance so I mainly keep in touch by phone or email - all of which involves hearing about their kids. Within my work team, the girl I supervise is pg, my boss has a 1 yrs old, a good friend is on mat leave, and another team members is convinced she will be pg by the end of the year - they plan to start trying once they are married in 6 months. My SIL is going to announce that she is pg with her second at any tick of the clock, and my Dad (yep thats right), and his new wife (who is younger than me and my younger sister) have an 8 month old. No matter where I turn we are surrounded by babies and pg people.

To compound that, in Aug last year we moved from Melb to a country town where my inlaws have a farm. I've kept my job from Melb, and work part time up here, but then travel 2 days a week to Melb (8hrs travel in a day for 7 hrs work - I'm sure I'm crazy - and my MIL keeps trying to find me local jobs - I'm sure she blames (partly) our inability to provide her with a grandchild on my career). The only three female people up here (apart from my MIL who is besotted with her granddaughter), both have babies. I know no one else. My Dh has a couple of friends here from school, but most of his mates are motorcyling buddies who he rides with on some weekends, so it is not really a social opportunity...and because of his work/study and a hate of dinner parties, he is not really supportive of having a social BBQ or similar so I can just have some people around and get to know a few people

I was thinking that my way of making friends up here would be when we had kids, through mothers group, kinder etc etc, but I stuggle to see how that will happen. I dont play sport, and I have trouble to see how I can find the time to get involved in other activities - with work, farm and study. I have done a local course, but I am not good at making friends - too introverted. So I'm stuck out of town, with no local social contact (except MIL and FIL), feeling very alone.

Also, my DH does not understand the stabbing feeling I get in my chest each time another person tells me - no matter how gently - that they are pg, or the huge amount of emotional energy it takes to keep pretending to the world that all is ok, and to show people the attention and excitement they deserve at the news of pg and their kids. While he wants kids, to him, if they dont happen he will be sad, but will be ok. I dont know how I would face that. Because our inital reason was MFI I also hate looking sad in front of him - I want to protect his feelings - even though I do break down into tears and get grumpy etc etc in front of him. He then just gets angry or exasibated because he does not know what to do to make it better.

Anyway, I dont really know what the point of this is - prob just therapy to get it out.
Sorry to anyone who made it down this far into the post - it has been a bit of a rant!
FG