Feeling very alone

[Acacia]

FG, love, what a difficult time you've been having!

It's such a challenging journey, the AC journey. Doesn't it seem that when you're really in the middle of it and having a lot to deal with mentally and emotionally from the journey that every 2nd person you know, or that you see in public is pregnant or has a young baby?

I can say I've been through those thoughts too, and this somewhere where you definitely are not alone - I think most women undergoing AC have these thoughts, and we understand

When seeing pregnant women and new mothers, or being told someone else was pregnant (both family, friends and in public) was starting to bother me a lot, I decided I was going to say to myself it was ok to have a reaction to it, but that when it was a new child I would use the opportunity to look at that child and see all the wonderful things about them, all the miraculous little features, the connection to it's mother, all those things - and remind myself that in time, I would have these to look forward to in my own child, and that was a joyful thing to see it in front of me now. And when it was a pregnant woman, I would use it as a reminder to visualise myself pregnant and as reminder of what I had to look forward to, in time.

I still react a little, but putting this positive spin of my own on having contact, whether immediate or in public, has helped a lot. I know it takes a lot of energy to do this, but it's creating a much more positive use of energy in this sitation.

Your friends that have gone through IVF are such a thing to focus on too! Yes, although there is the painful acknowledgement that they have babies now, the point is they both have been successful, which it means that you will be too, in time! I often remind myself that 90% of couples that continue with IVF treatment - whether it takes one go or many many - end up being successful. It's another positive thing to focus on when everything is really hard.

I think in the TWW it's even harder to focus on anything other than thoughts about pregnancy and babies. It really is. I'm proof at the moment - it's difficult to tear me away from BB during the day atm!! I'm going to force myself to go and make fudge this afternoon for a break!

There are a couple of things you could do:
1. Have you checked where the nearest AC support group is to you? It may be really good to occassionally meet in person with people who understand what you're going through. It would be a way to feel less alone IRL, despite having BB here. You can do this by contacting the ACCESS network (your clinic will have details or you can google ACCESS) and even put out a message through the network that you'd like to find people within a certain distance from home who would be willing to meet up, say once a month. Even a once a month get-together in Melbourne, despite the distance, could be a great way to make new friends this way. BB has get togethers IRL in capital cities too!

2. Try to take your mind off your treatment and TTC. So much easier to write than actually do it, but it's worth putting energy into. Part of the issue of feeling lonely could be because your trapped in your thoughts and difficult mental and emotional affects of treatment and the isolation of the highly personal experience you are going through. If you can take your mind off it and get engrossed in something else, it will help (i.e. Miss C is going to make fudge! ). Reading, crafts (I also spend hours concentrating on cross stitch when there's time!) etc. - I know there are many ladies on BB who pursue things like this to take their minds off the difficulties. When you don't have a lot of time, it doesn't mean you need to start finding swathes of time to do things like this, but just even a little time to focus on things that a fulfilling for you that don't revolve around work, TTC or challenging social situations would be so beneficial.

Lastly, I think you're right about the progesterone, hun. It can do terrible things to your mental state - it can really make you feel quite depressed and hopeless, especially such a big dose like what you get on the pessaries - and trying to keep that in perspective allows you to see the light at the end of the tunnel a little more.

Sorry for the looooong post, but I wanted to offer some things that have helped me

Please don't get down on yourself, hun. The biggest battle in TTC sometimes is in your head. We're here for you all you need, and please know that having been living in Country Vic for over two months before leaving o/s next week, I understand that it can be so very isolating and lonely because of that physical distance away from people.

Many hugs,

Miss C