Mothers Day from the IVFers perspective

[Bloom]

So my BIL and SIL are going through difficulties conceiving (age and PCOS) and have just said they are not available to do anything all Mothers' Day with MIL. I am reading between the lines and think it is because SIL is upset that it is mothers' day and she is not yet a mother. It is quite unlikely that they are actually busy all sunday.

I feel pretty sorry for my MIL as she loves to have all the family together, especially on such a special day. I totally get that SIL should only do what she feels she can cope with too though.

I'm just wondering if other LTTTC or IVFers "cancel" mothers day? Or do you celebrate with your mother/MIL still?

[Lenny]

I don't have family around me. So could easily dodge that.

But it is really stressful. And the questions. They make you want to scream some times, don't they!!
Perhaps it's just a really bad time. Maybe she's had a loss or is grieving a failed cycle. Perhaps she really thought it would be a Mothers day she could celebrate. Maybe their relationship is under pressure and they don't want to feel the eyes of the family on them. Perhaps they made a pact to just have the day at home alone to be together and celebrate themselves.

I went to baby showers and first birthdays and all that. You can't cancel those. But some of them hurt more than others.

If your family is close, then your MIL should be able to understand, or at least respect, that SIL can't be there. A family get together on a different day which has no expectations or significance would be easier.

[Williever]

I did cancel on people when I couldn't cope. I still find Mother's Day quite difficult as I know there are so many out there who would love to celebrate it, but can't.
It's hard for people to understand, but the pain it can bring is overwhelming. It is good that they are brave enough to own their emotions when there is pressure to attend events on that day. There are always other days.

[Andie78]

I still celebrated Mother's Day with my mum, but it was always a sad day. Especially after experiencing m/c's. I felt like everyone was feeling sorry for me too, so that was uncomfortable. For me it was just a reminder what I didn't have, what I'd been through, what could've/should've been... quite an emotional day. Any day that focused on family was tough really. I avoided family get togethers when ltttc, I didn't want to have to watch everyone having the life (with children) that I so desperately wanted. I dreaded Christmas, birthdays etc. I didn't go to my own sisters baby shower. Just too much at the time.

[briggsy's girl]

I did what felt right for me at the time. Generally I contacted my mum and let her know I was thinking if her, but I didn't do anything. Mother's Day is very near my bday so we would do a dinner or something for my bday and decline anything for Mother's Day as it was often times just too hard.

[myturn]

OMG last Mother's Day was the worst ever for me!!! It was just past the anniversary of what was "supposed" to be my due date from my miscarriage in 2012.... My sister has announced she was pregnant a week before and it was done in a terrible way that I was so hurt and offended (essentially she couldn't tell me, so sent a text saying she has something to tell me and would call the next day, and then took a week to call and let her oldest child announce excitedly that she was pregnant - and THEn got upset that I was upset with her!).... And to top off the day..... My brother in law announced his wife was pregnant with their second child.... We had started trying before they has even started trying for their first I wanted the whole world to swallow me up and couldn't leave the family "do" we were at.

If I wasn't now pregnant I would possibly consider skipping... But usually I just suck things up and go. Only one person on my husbands side knows about our troubles, so I don't blame them for being more sensitive. But I don't think my family (who all know) really understand and appreciate how hard it is for me... Even now. I may be pregnant, but I will always have infertility and those anniversaries will always be filled with mixed feelings.... Yay for finally being here, and boo for all the lost chances and wishes to have a large family.

I considered skipping Christmas one year (after my miscarriage)... But then there were other family dramas and I couldn't. I look back now and wish we had. It was such a hard horrible day and it would be nice to just celebrate some of those things with my little family itself. I think I'm probably lucky that even though my family don't get it, they would accept it pretty much. Maybe.

[Joeve]

I get it. Mothers day 2012 I had just gone through a failed ivf cycle and I dragged myself to MILs picnic. I was a wreck. Then one of the nephews who was 6 called me fat... He was calling everyone fat but not the point. I felt like everyone was feeling sorry for me anyway and I cried the whole 40 minute drive home.
Sometimes you have to protect yourself so maybe that's what she is doing.

[Saffy]

I still don't even connect Mother's Day with myself, to me it's about my mum!
DH said he can't get me anything as we will just be returned from overseas at 1am on Mother's Day - and they don't have shops in the UK apparently ROFL.......last year he was overseas at his dad's funeral so I was home alone with a 3 month old, fun.....actually, it's pretty lucky I have no Mother's Day expectations lol

Yep, infertility/IVF wrecks a lot of holidays/ special days, but you have to just accept it, like being single on valentines day I guess ( but possibly a bit worse)

[faye*]

I always struggled with mothers day but I battled through and still spent time with my mum and my MIL. It really brings a lot of emotions up that's for sure.