Surrogacy, need your advice!

[monica]

Hello girls! I'm in the process of surrogacy now. I should say I'm in a very beginning of it. I was diagnosed with chronic glomerulonephritis in the age of 17. I had 2 terminations of pregnancy because of this disease. That was hard to survive both physically and mentally. After losing my babies, my husband left me for another woman. She gave him children I couldn't give. I spent years in treatments, medications and depressions. I thought nothing will ever change and I'm doomed to spend miserable life. But there was a man who changed my life. I met my second husband when I was 28. Of course I told him about my diagnosis. We decided that it's too risky for me to get pregnant again. So the only solution for us was surrogacy. We are from Sweden. Surrogacy here is legal, but surrogate mother has all rights for baby and we'll have to adopt our child. And also prices are pretty high. We decided to go to Mexico for surrogacy program. I put all my hope in it. And of course we paid so much money for it. Unfortunately our surrogate mother had miscarriage on 27th week of pregnancy. As it turned out the clinic didn't check her carefully. She had some problems with health and I still don't know, was it intentionally hidden or was it doctors' mistake. My husband tried to support me, but I saw this incident influenced him greatly too. We were visiting psychologist, but no treatment can heal this pain. Our desire to have children was stronger then our fear to try again. We collected some money and decided to go to Ukraine this time. There are many good reviews, their prices are much lower and we've heard a lot about their doctors. We've already contacted a couple of their clinics. I wanted to ask maybe someone had surrogacy there and can advice good clinic? Reviews in the internet are so contradictory. It's better to talk directly with someone who underwent this procedure.

[chloe]

I'm so sorry about your losses! I know how painful it is to loose baby. Nothing in this world can cure your heart after this. I had undergone heart surgery in teen age. I wouldn't survive without it. I'm grateful to my parents, they found good doctors for me. I still do medical checks to control my health.

I met my husband in a very young age, 18 yo. We got married when I was 19. In a couple of years I've got pregnant. We wanted to have children more then anything else! I was warned about risks. My doctors told me I'm crazy if I leave a baby. My heart could not stand pregnancy. It might cause problems not only to my health, but baby's health as well. Also doctors told me there is high possibility I might die. All this scared me and I was confused. After long discussion with my dh we decided we should make it. I don't know if I regret about this decision. I don't know maybe I would regret my whole life if I made an abortion on early term. Unfortunately doctors made me to terminate pregnancy on 6th month. I had dyspnea, edema, blood circulation disorders. I felt pain in chest. My heart was aching not only because it was hard for it to work for two, but also because I knew I should make my choice. I had to choose either I will live or my baby and I will die. Unbearable pain had never left me. I think it will never fade away. It became part of me...

I'm sorry to read that your surrogacy in Mexico failed. Those doctors have nothing saint! How could they not check surrogate mother properly?! I'm glad you didn't give up! It's hard, I know. We should keep living!

Fortunately my first surrogacy have a happy ending. I hope yours will have it too! I had surrogacy procedure in Ukraine. I was fully sure that surrogate mother was healthy and had her own healthy kids. You made the good choice! Ukraine is becoming popular among foreign infertile couples nowadays. So I hope they will help you to become a mother!

[monica]

Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it and I'm so happy for you! How old is your baby? Your experience give me inspiration and belief I still have chances. I'm so tired from tears and depressions. I want to feel happiness. I want to hold my baby, I want to become loving mom. I dream our family to be complete and my husband stop to comforting me all the time. I want him to be a happy father. We spent so much money in Mexico for nothing. Not only we paid sum, which was set in our contract. The clinic also gave us check in the end of our failed(!) procedure. There were charges for services we haven't even used! And they didn't tell us about them in the beginning or during the process. I know I shouldn't pay and we had to make something with their impudence. But I was broken and devastated. I wanted nothing but get over that clinic and end that process as soon as possible. But I couldn't change the past. May I ask you which clinic have you chosen? There are many clinics in Ukraine. I want to choose the best one. I hope to find the one which has high rates of successful procedures. And the most important is proper check of surrogated. I'm scared to make previous mistakes. I understand that no one can give 100% guarantees. Still it's better to be sure that all medical checks are done carefully by professionals. How much did you pay? I hope it's ok to ask this. I know prices in Ukraine are lower then in other countries. Does this fact influence service? Were there problems with language or movement across city? I've already found some maps in English in the net and also downloaded some apps. I don't know if they help. But at least I'll be prepared little bit for being in fireign country. I will be grateful for any help! Thank you.

[chloe]

Please don't be shy and ask whatever you need. We should help each other and support. Who else will understand us better then somebody, who felt loss by themselves. Our girl is 1,5 years old. She is the most beautiful girl in the world!) I read such review about Mexico not for the first time. I'm not saying all their clinics are bad. but some of them just ruin all impression and status of reproductive medicine in the whole country! Such clinics exist everywhere unfortunately. Also there are hundreds of fake agencies. They take money away from miserable people and continue to live happily. That's why I advice you to contact clinics directly.

We had surrogacy in biotexcom. I don't know maybe you consider this clinic too. The most surprising for us was there were so many people. There were couples from all over the world. Some came for their first meeting with doctor. Some came for fertilization. some came for ultrasound check. We talk with couple from France. They came for delivery of their baby. They looked so happy, I will never forget those sparkles in their eyes… That was an exact moment when I made a decision to sign contract with this clinic.

We chose standard package and paid 39 900 euros. The clinic also has other packages. You can visit their website and look for yourself. This package seemed the most suitable for us. Though lines were long and exhausting, we have positive impressions. Low price didn't influence services at all. I must say I didn't expect such care about foreign couples from the clinic. We were met in the airport! We were provided with a taxi and it was transporting us to the clinic and to our apt. Btw, housing was also provided by the clinic! Modern accommodation with all needed facilities. We were even provided with food supply and smartphones for communication in Ukraine! And of course we had a manager, who was translating everything for us and anwering all our questions. As you can see the clinic considered every single detail so their patients feel themselves comfortable.

[monica]

I appreciate your help! I don't know what would I've done without all this info. I was trying to find translator by myself and it confused me even more. It's hard to find some services without knowing language. Some of Ukrainian clinics, which we addressed, don't have translators. Their treatments base on Ukrainian people. I thought it will be impossible for us to find clinic, which will help us, foreign couple. Such a relief, that this clinic helps with these staff. How much did you pay for all those services? As I understood, it goes sepparately from main package. Did you pay all sum at once? We have this amount of money, so we could pay right away. But still there are some fear inside. Especially after our failed experience… It's hard to believe again. I have so many doubts… I understand that you had no problems with the procedure. I see that you stayed satisfied with everything and had no troubles. But there is always a risk that something may go differently. I want to have some assurance, that after giving all money there will be some action from the clinic. Because after receiving cost they may 'relax', because they've got what they want. Then I will be just waiting and waiting. And eventually I'll get one more failure… I'm sorry for these negative thoughts. I know I should stay positive. But after Mexican clinic I can believe to nobody… How long did it take for them to find surrogate mother for you? Did you have opportunity to choose her by yourself? I don't know how can I be sure that sm, which is chosen by clinic, is healthy. Of course there is no guarantees I can choose healthy sm by myself, I know…But what are their criterias? How can you be sure that woman, which will carry your baby, has no diseases?

[Em_325]

Haha this is clearly the same spammer posting from two different accounts not to mention there was an identical post by another user a couple of weeks ago. Seriously how dumb do you think people are?

[Mary]

Haha this is clearly the same spammer posting from two different accounts not to mention there was an identical post by another user a couple of weeks ago. Seriously how dumb do you think people are?

Yes, it appears that way, what gave it away?? ESL or the strange way a Swedish woman was posting in and Australian forum about Surrogacy in Ukraine!? They also structured their sentences in similar manner. Looks like they are promoting biotexcom, which is not the best clinic to go with from my research, feedback is biotexcom are the largest in Ukraine, and treat you more like a number as they have so many clients, I felt I did not get the best email feedback from them either, initially they email you back standard generic response, so they did not review my email at all, so never answered my questions properly! Very disappointing, you have to do a lot of research.

[Mary]

Hi, I am interested in Surrogacy options for myself, I have looked into Ukraine (happy to share what I found out), and I am now starting to look at Greece and Canada. If anyone has been to Ukraine, Greece or Canada to do Surrogacy please let me know any advice you can give, as I am really wanting to now find other Australians who have started or completed their journey in these countries so I can make better choice.
I have looked into Australia (my first choice) but the difficulty to find anyone is so rare, so we are forced to go overseas. Thanks, Mary.

[chloe]

I just wanted to help, that's all. I didn't have some bad intentions. I browse surrogacy very often. Is it bad I want to share my experience? I have my girl and I can't tell in words how grateful I am. After my loss of a baby I thought it's the end of my life. But my girl became the greatest gift! How can I tell bad things about doctors, who gave me my precious daughter? When I was looking for clinic, it was very difficult. There were not so many reviews, but there were ladies, who helped. I don't have intentions to make Monica choose this clinic. If I can help make someone's journey any easier, I'm more than happy to do so.

[chloe]

I appreciate your help! I don't know what would I've done without all this info. I was trying to find translator by myself and it confused me even more. It's hard to find some services without knowing language. Some of Ukrainian clinics, which we addressed, don't have translators. Their treatments base on Ukrainian people. I thought it will be impossible for us to find clinic, which will help us, foreign couple. Such a relief, that this clinic helps with these staff. How much did you pay for all those services? As I understood, it goes sepparately from main package. Did you pay all sum at once? We have this amount of money, so we could pay right away. But still there are some fear inside. Especially after our failed experience… It's hard to believe again. I have so many doubts… I understand that you had no problems with the procedure. I see that you stayed satisfied with everything and had no troubles. But there is always a risk that something may go differently. I want to have some assurance, that after giving all money there will be some action from the clinic. Because after receiving cost they may 'relax', because they've got what they want. Then I will be just waiting and waiting. And eventually I'll get one more failure… I'm sorry for these negative thoughts. I know I should stay positive. But after Mexican clinic I can believe to nobody… How long did it take for them to find surrogate mother for you? Did you have opportunity to choose her by yourself? I don't know how can I be sure that sm, which is chosen by clinic, is healthy. Of course there is no guarantees I can choose healthy sm by myself, I know…But what are their criterias? How can you be sure that woman, which will carry your baby, has no diseases?

Honey, I get it why you have so much concerns. It's obvious that after clinic, which treated you like that, you can't believe again. Even if it's the best clinic in the world and there is no negative reviews. Your doubts are completely understandable. There are so many people, who faced such clinics/agencies/surrogate mothers(yes, there are fraudsters even among them!). They put all hope and have already imagined how they become parents. After such failure you won't be able to believe again…I hope this time you won't have to suffer again! Honey, be strong, I'm sure those people, who made this to you, will pay for their deception. Life is boomerang and nothing is left unpunished.

Answering to your questions, those services are already included into the packages. We paid only this amount. The clinic had never asked to pay more or pay some extra fees. Our payment was divided into 5 parts. They never asked to pay 39 900 euros right away! It's obvious we want to pay and see the result! And giving all sum on the spot is too risky nowadays. We paid 8000 euros during our first visit, after signing the contract. Then we paid 7900 euros during our second visit after fertilization of sm. Third payment 8000 euros we paid on twelve weeks of the gestation of our sm. 8000 euros we paid after the childbirth. And the last 8000 euros we paid after receiving all documents for our doughter to leave the country.

They found our sm in 2,5 months after our first visit. We thought it will take much longer. So when our program coordinator told us this news we were on seventh heaven! We didn't choose sm by ourselves. It doesn't matter how she looks. The most important is her health, ability to carry a baby and presence of her own children. That's why our doctor chose sm for us. Their doctors make all psychological and medical tests to be sure that woman is suitable for the procedure. Also they check sm during the program weekly. Our sm was 32 years old with 2 kids. So we knew she had all chances to carry our baby.

[monica]

Thank you for understanding and support. Everyone tells me I have too pessimistic thoughts. It's easy for them to say so. They've never been through all this hell. I can't smile and think 'next surrogacy will be 100% successful!'. I can't close my eyes and forget about what had happened. You are the only one who can understand what I feel. They found sm for you for a very short perioud of time. Where did she live during the program? As surrogate mothers have their own families, it's wrong to make them live at your home in another country for almost a year. Did you come to visit her or something like that? And what about all those services? I mean taxi, translator, housing and so on. Was this only one time service? Or the clinic provided you with all those stuff during each of your visits? Did you get some info about your baby? It's hard to be so far away. I wish I could carry my baby by myself… You never know what sm is doing at the moment. Does she speak with a baby kindly? Does she eat healthy? Maybe your child feels lonely? But perhaps the clinic checks surrogate mothers weekly… Was there problems with documents for your daughter? I have absolutely no idea how to arrange all this in Ukraine. I guess we'll need some documents for child to leave the country. How to make everything right? Where did you go? What should be asked? Were there some troubles? Were there questioning in the airport? I'm scared that police may take my baby away from me. And it will be my fault! One mistake and there will be no way out! I'll never forgive myself if something like this happen.

[chloe]

Only those women will understand us, who have also faced infertility. We can receive support only from women, who went throug all difficulties of this problem. They say 'surrogacy is wrong' or 'surrogacy is just a bussiness to make money'. For us surrogacy is the only treatment and the only solution. All those who scream 'surrogacy should be banned' or 'it's unnetural' probably just don't know what is infertility. They get pregnant naturally, they carry their babies, they become parents without any difficulties. It's easy for them to tell so. They think up lots of reasons to forbid this procedure. They instill that we should accept the problem and live childless life. They say 'adoption should be the only way out for you'. But what if I want my own child? Why don't you adopt kids if you are so generous people and you feel sorry for that children so much? Why does surrogacy disturb them at all? It's not our fault we are not like them. We are not guilty in our diseases. I've never regret I went through this procedure. Now I have my daughter and it's the only thing which matters for me.

Speaking about our sm' place of living. You're right, all of surrogate mothers have their families. That's why our sm lived with her husband and kids in familiar environment. She felt comfortable and didn't worry about her loved ones. Our program coordinator was informing us about state of our baby and sm at least one per month. Yes, that was hard to be miles away from my girl. I also had so many thoughts in my head. But it's only 9 months of waiting! And then you'll be happy for the whole life with your child by your side.

Speaking about documents you have nothing to worry about. The clinic helped us with them too. I also had no idea where to go and how to organize everything right. They provided us with assistance in the Ukrainian civil registry office. We've got the child’s birth certificate there. And of course they helped us in getting a travel pass for our daughter.

[monica]

I'm so grateful for your help! It's the first time I talked about my problems. I'm so happy I found this community. We should stick together and then nothing will prevent us from our happiness. After that failure I was going to give up. I closed my feelings and emotions inside. This didn't let me to live. I'm glad I opened my soul. Now I feel I can move on. You gave me hope that this time everything will be fine. Although I have some doubts, but still I'm inspired now. I feel like I have wings, really! I didn't tell my husband about biotexcom yet. I was afraid to flush out the luck. You told me all details I needed to know, thank you for this. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I think he'll also like this clinic. We'll definitely contact them!

[chloe]

Honey, I'm glad I could help. I think we should share our experience. Who else can help such women as we are? I remember myself in the beginning of my journey. I didn't know where to start and what to look for. There were so many scammers. Unfortunately their amount grows with every year. Thanks to all kind ladies I made my choice. Thanks to all those reviwes, both positive and negative, I knew which place is better to go. You made the right thing you came here. I know from my own experience, it's hard to move further without support. Especially when there is no one who can really understand. Such places like this give us strength and belief. We can receive hints and advices here what and how to do. Honey, I wish you all the best! Life will definitely repay you for all suffering! I'll wait for great news from you!