What drives you crazy about TTC?

[David_R]

Thanks for your feedback (and for buying the book bron!)

Katie: we actually have written a chapter for each of your two points. The first chapter talks about some of the strange things people do in order to get pregnant. It's not saying people are nuts for trying things (in fact, my wife and I tried a few weird things too), the chapter looks more at why people do things and how to address the issue if the two of you wonder if you're going crazy. Your second point is a good one too - our chapter called 'The last thing you want to hear' talks about the Top 10 dumb things you'll hear (just relax being number one with a bullet) and gives advice on how to respond to it.

bron: one of the things that annoyed me the most when we were TTC was the things people would say to try to make us feel better. Often they were just clueless as to what we were going through and we hurting us (my wife in particular) without knowing it. IMHO, you really need to have gone through an experience like this to understand what it's like. I guess that's why I wrote Swimming Upstream.

I'll add your suggestions to the list.

Thanks for taking the time to post!

[Lionfish]

David
Thank you for writing this book, I am very interested in it.
My problem is other people.
The frustrating thing for me is no one else gets it!! Bellybelly has been such a blessing as people here understand exactly what you are going thru.
If I hear one more person say to me "just relax it will happen!" I will rip out their throat!
People who have had no probs TTC can be so non supportive like "stop trying, stop thinking about it" So we just dont tell people at all now. But I know people who tryed for 10 years before seeking help and when they did they fell pregnant with twins first IVF cycle, why go thru all that, where is the point when you go lets get checked out? ASAP as far as I'm concerned.
We want this more than anything in the world and are going to appreciate every second of it when it happens.
All i can say is thank god for Bellybelly!!:biggrin:
Looking forward to reading your article

[Bron81]

Blayz - I agree totally! Thank god for BellyBelly! Also, I hate it when people say "just relax" or "it'll happen when you stop trying so hard"! Just recently i've adopted the whole i'm infertile, its not going to happen without help approach with people i feel are insensitive to what DP and i are going through (i don't think that at all and I'm TTC as hard as ever). A lot of people don't know how to respond to this and now they have moved on from saying "Just relax" to maybe its your DP with the problems! Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i could just scream! Why does it have to be either of us with the problem? Why couldn't it be both of us? Maybe there is no problem, its just taking a while!

Through out it all though, i've come to realise that these people have no idea what we are going through and I have to remember this. They are just trying to be comforting and unfortunately because they can't relate they always say the wrong thing. I think a part of that also comes from us thinking that they can't understand anything of what we are feeling so what they are saying is ignorant to our situations. So we twist what they are saying into something bad (not intentionally twist it).

I can't wait to read this book though!

[butterfly_warrior]

Funnily enough, everything I can think of that would make a good article... I've already seen in the book!

David, I would like to take the chance to personally thank you for putting the time and effort into writing a book that has helped both myself and my husband through this horror of infertility. I was really impressed that my husband voluntarily picked it up and started reading it for himself.

The one thing I've found hardest to deal with are the people who want to sympathise and say they know how you feel, when they really have no clue. I had a friend try to tell me that she knew how I felt after TTC for four months with regular cycles... how can you possibly make someone understand that 4 months of seeing your body work normally is nothing on 12 months of seeing your body consistently fail to ovulate, and 6 months of knowing that your husband also has fertility issues? It's comments like those that seem to have the effect of minimising our experience and our pain... I still don't know quite how to deal with it...

BW

[Lenny]

David,
It seems the thing that drives all of us crazy is other people. All the stupid comments we have heard like “just relax, it’ll happen”, or “maybe you’re doing it wrong”, or “I know how you feel, it took us 3 months of trying”.
My problem at the moment is my DH wants to tell everyone who asks about our TTC story, but I am the complete opposite. I told a few people and their reactions left me feeling cold. This is something DH and I have discussed at length, but never seem to agree on. He sees it as merely a hiccup in the road that needs medical intervention. I see it as all the disappointment, frustration, jealously, etc. Although we are going through the whole thing together, our individual journeys are quite different. We both sometimes need to remember that we feel differently about TTC, and neither of us have it right or wrong.
Sites like Bellybelly, and books like yours are important to help those of us going through this feel we are not alone. I don’t think we’ll ever change the other people, but we can influence the way we feel about ourselves and our situation.
Jo

[SuziQ]

Hi David
BB certainly is lucky to have you in here - congrats on the success of your book.
My TTC story is a long one spanning almost 17 years - I am very determined My frustrations through the course of that journey are probably not all that different to anyone else's I suppose.
One thing I can say now is that this journey, whether I end up holding my own child or not, has changed me forever. I have a lot more patience for one thing . Having said that though, I tend to react more swiftly if I even suspect that someone may possibly only be contemplating even thinking that they might consider ripping me off. In any way. Leave me off an email joke list and I'll think I've been ripped off. Run out of mint slice bikkies at the supermarket and I'll think I've been ripped off. I get over it though, so no counselling required. I don't think.. I have been left with an overwhelming feeling that some being out there in the universe has ripped me off - good and proper! Through no fault of my own, I have been denied something that so many women achieve without really having to give a second thought to. And, good luck to them!
I could prattle on forever but I'd like to add that I am now entering into the known egg donation area. I am already in the known sperm donation world. At 44 years of age, I have had my share of ignorant comments, faces staring back at me as if I'm talking about taking part in a sci-fi flick and a now ex (thank goodness) manager who asked "Well why are you still trying after all these years?" when I asked for time off last year to cycle.
So, if you'd like to do a follow up book - the world of Donor Conception is one that needs a better public understanding. It also carries the same set of TTC frustrations and complications but with an added level of stress!! Hope that doesn't sound like I'm on a bandwagon - I'm not. Just trying to say that TTC stress can come in so many packages these days.
My story is here Donor Conception General Chatter #1