What's happened to my DH?

**Ree*Ree** · April 1st, 2011, 12:57 AM

So, DH has just come home tonight and told me something that's been playing on his mind for a while...

He found it very hard to articulate, but ended up being able to tell me that he's concerned about his fertility... He's felt for a while now that when we DTD he does climax, but nothing "comes out".
He's done his own...'investigating'

and can confirm that nothing actually comes out.

I've asked Dr Google

and a quick read looks like it could be either Anejaculation or Retrograde Ejaculation...DH is a type 1 diabetic, and both conditions can be related to diabetes. Neither looks to be a serious health issue, except where fertility is concerned

DH is feeling very down and blaming himself for being a failure. I've been trying to reassure him that it will all be ok... He wants to see his doctor though, so that's good... I don't know what to feel...

i don't really know what I'm asking here, just maybe need some practical advice, a point in the right direction. Some hope?

We had no problems conceiving DS, why is this happening now?

**MrsBexie** · April 1st, 2011, 01:05 AM

no advice but just big hugs!!!!

**YoYo** · April 1st, 2011, 01:10 AM

Is the diabetes a new thing, or is he stressed out about other things?

I'm no expert, but I guess you are doing all you can, you just have to support him.

He is concerned and wants to do something so that's great too

Poor bloke

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**Ree*Ree** · April 1st, 2011, 01:37 AM

thanks Bexie and Yules

This will be DH's 11th year with Diabetes, so time to start seeing the effects in his body I guess..
He has always had an underlying worry about having an infertility issue, he is working a lot of hours in a physical job, I don't think DH is overly stressed?

I feel awful for what must be going through his mind...

**snikkers1** · April 1st, 2011, 06:53 AM

I have no advice hun except it will be good for him to go and talk to the Dr.
Just wanted to send some

**briggsy's girl** · April 1st, 2011, 06:59 AM

i guess the fact that he something has happened to cause him to suspect, and then investigate, means this has been on his mind a while - and that could be enough to have stress exacerbate a "normal" physical response to the diabetes. It's good that he recognises that the issue is there, and he wants to investigate. if you are TTC, there are options but obviously for now, you want to find out the why and what can be done to help

good luck with this

**Elocin** · April 1st, 2011, 08:21 AM

The fact that he is willing to get it investigated is a great thing...

Obviously he has sperm and is fertile so whatever the outcome, it doesn't mean you can't conceive.

I think a trip to the GP is in order to get the ball rolling. If he wants to go alone, get him to tell the Dr that he's done some investigating and he thinks it could be either Anejaculation or Retrograde Ejaculation due to his diabetes. Make sure his Dr doesn't fob him off with 'oh, you're young, you'll be fine'.

Coming from someone who has trouble conceiving with a partner who has no trouble, I can't stress enough that you are there for him to vent to. Whatever's on his mind, he will need to get out... don't just say things like 'oh it'll be ok' or dismiss what he's saying (I'm not saying you would). Let him get it out...

Stay strong

xo

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · April 1st, 2011, 08:48 AM

Oh man, I totally have the answer to this, it was on Embarrassing Bodies! If it's Retrograde Ejaculation, you'll be able to tell by his urine, it'll look a bit stringy. Basically the prostate isn't filtering properly and his ejaculate is going into his bladder instead of his penis. They said 35% of men with diabetes have this problem, and it's easily fixed. When I'm not on iPhone I'll PM you the link

**MrsBexie** · April 1st, 2011, 09:33 AM

Oh man, I totally have the answer to this, it was on Embarrassing Bodies! If it's Retrograde Ejaculation, you'll be able to tell by his urine, it'll look a bit stringy. Basically the prostate isn't filtering properly and his ejaculate is going into his bladder instead of his penis. They said 35% of men with diabetes have this problem, and it's easily fixed. When I'm not on iPhone I'll PM you the link

Wow! Go dr Keike!! I love embarrassing bodies!! Lol

Sent from my iPhone so sorry for the spelling and punctuation!!

**Ree*Ree** · April 1st, 2011, 12:35 PM

Thanks snikkers

BG thanks for the advice, I think this must have been playing on his mind for quite some time. Hopefully the doctor can give him/us some reassurance to help ease the stress.

Keike ohh how interesting! Looking forward to the link, maybe we will do our own 'experiment' and see if there is anything in his urine?

Elocin, thankyou so much

I am guilty of telling him that everything will be ok and we'll get this sorted, not to worry etc. I'll try a different, more listening, approach tonight.

He found it so hard to actually put his concern into words, I hope I don't scare him off by bringing it up.. Maybe I should leave it alone unless he brings it up again?

Thanks so much again ladies for your replies xxx

**Elocin** · April 1st, 2011, 12:56 PM

Elocin, thankyou so much

I am guilty of telling him that everything will be ok and we'll get this sorted, not to worry etc. I'll try a different, more listening, approach tonight.

He found it so hard to actually put his concern into words, I hope I don't scare him off by bringing it up.. Maybe I should leave it alone unless he brings it up again?

Don't stress about it hun... I always found it hard hearing somebody else say 'it'll be fine' when it's something that is constantly worrying you!!

Maybe now that he's got it off his chest, he'll be a little more receptive to talking about it if you bring it up.

Ask him what he wants to do about it, because if you start pushing him to get answers, it'll probably only end in an argument - because I know with my DH if I push him to go to the Dr for anything, he gets cranky at me!!

The best thing you can do Ree, is to just be there for him and listen to him. You will get through it together.

Big, big hugs

**briggsy's girl** · April 1st, 2011, 01:48 PM

Ask him what he wants to do about it, because if you start pushing him to get answers, it'll probably only end in an argument - because I know with my DH if I push him to go to the Dr for anything, he gets cranky at me!!

The best thing you can do Ree, is to just be there for him and listen to him. You will get through it together.

i agree totally.

you can't NOT bring it up at this point - it will become the elephant in the room and the longer you don't talk about it because you're scared to upset him, the harder it will become to bring it up kwim? tell him you've been thinking about it, and what does he want to do? what does he need from you? does he need to talk about it or would he rather just not talk for now? speaking to you is going to be very different to talking to the GP. keep your approach respectful and gentle - don't give him empty platitudes though cos it doesn't help! nothing worse than "we'll be right" (the bug bear comment from DH lol)

you may want to talk about the fact that you're ttc. that is going to put a huge amount of "weight" on him when he is feeling like he is. can you perhaps agree to put TTC on hold for a while to give him a chance to talk to the GP (and potentially the urologist) - take "sperm" out of the equation for the time being. allow any physical intimacy be purely about the two of you, and not the deposit at the end, to take the pressure off him. the last thing you want or need at this point is for him to think he's told you what is going on, you only want the sperm, and to lose the physical intimacy in your relationship, making it worse for him. as well as the feelings he is having at the moment in regard to worrying about the physical, there is a very real chance he is feeling guilty about the ttc thing as well. i know when we got confirmation that it was me that was the cause of all our issues and DH was fine, the weight of that was HUGE. just something to keep in mind

**Ree*Ree** · April 1st, 2011, 09:33 PM

Thanks so much again BG and Nic for your wonderful advice! I'm taking it all on board

DH seems a bit happier now that he's got this off his chest, and he really wants me to be there with him when he sees the Dr. So i will be there for him, and make sure the doc answers all our questions.