am i selfish?

[mitzy81]

I was in the same sort of situation, can we afford a baby or not, we sat down and worked it out, and have a saving plan and are TTC. Don't feel guilty at all, like someone said, we have mortgages, rent, bills and food to buy, it is very different to when our parents had us and stayed at home and raised us and didn't get back into the workforce until we were at school! I would like to be able to take 12months off once I am on maternity leave, but whether or not that happens, I don't know.

[Glamourcide]

Good luck hun, don't worry, there is NOTHING at all selfish about adjusting your income/work pattern etc to suit your personal situation. As others have said, and I firmly believe - if you wait until you're 'ready' financially, chances are you'll be old and grey before that day arrives! I truly believe that in some cases it's better to just jump in at the deep end and figure the rest out later on - babies don't need buckets of money and nice things thrown at them to thrive, so if you have the money, great, but if you don't, you'll figure it out
DH and I were in pretty dire straits when we got pregnant with DD, and she was planned. I was waitressing part-time, he was on the dole, and we managed to provide the necessary things for her despite struggling to pay the bills. We planned to have another baby 'when we had the money', and then DH was having a chat with an older workmate, and the workmate just told him, 'Mate, get in there and have another one or you'll be 60 before you can 'afford' the next one'... so DH came home from work that day and said if I wanted to, we could start trying right away - which was awesome because I'd told him months beforehand that I wanted to start trying in August, so its birthday would be in the middle of the year, and he had said no until the chat with his colleague, which just so happened to be at the start of August! Of course a lot of people called us crazy, wondering how we were going to afford two kids, but it's so easy when you prioritise and use what help you can get - family/friends can help you out at baby showers etc, Centrelink is quite generous to families so definitely look into what sort of entitlements you will be eligible for (honestly, don't know what we'd do without the couple of hundred a fortnight we get for DD!), and employers can be very accommodating if you just put yourself out there and ask what sort of options can be worked out for you.

I'm a stay-at-home mum and DH works, sure money can get a little tight at times but for the most part we are doing really well - budgeting is so important, learning to live without those little 'luxuries' is hard, but it makes you feel like a much stronger person when you can see that you can do it If going back to work has to be done, then it has to be done - you won't miss out on anything and the best thing is that you will have your gorgeous little family to come home to every day! Everybody's individual circumstance is different to the next person's, so don't worry about the judgment you will get from misinformed people who think they know better because they did things a certain way. Stay at home, go to work, partner at home, part-time work... trust me, you can't win!!
So just go with your heart and do what feels good *for you*. You own't regret it.

Good luck with the babymaking!! Hope it all comes to fruition very soon

[satya]

I don't find it selfish at all. In fact probably the opposite.

You may find it's not easy going back that early. I went back at 7 months & I really wish I'd stayed home 12 months.

If you are like the average mum at 12 weeks you will be sleep deprived and adding work into that mix as well is going to make life tough for yourself.... no chance of having a nap under the desk at work.....that's why I say not selfish.

You will get comments from people but you may as well get used to it as TTC, pregnancy & being a mother opens up the flood gates to all sorts of comments from people.