Don't want to go back

[tiggy]

My time at home is rapidly coming to an end. On the 29th January I HAVE to go back to work or lose my position. I have negotiated all the time I can to stay with Ivy and Noah.

When the NUM called to give me my start back date she made me feel like I was going to be a second rate midwife for having twelve months off, she said I was totally underskilled for my place of work. *SIGH* So why should I go back at all if I am not a valued member of staff?

Here are the good points I can come up with for returning to work;

money ( everything is tight ATM )
won't lose my skills (important when you have gone to the trouble of getting that double degree in the first place)

get to have adult interaction and be with women in labour (which I LOVE)

here are the bad points;

I lose time with my precious kids

I will only be able to do nights because DH's work are being very inflexible and we have no support (not prepared to put them in Childcare at this stage because Ivy is a sicky baby)

My house will become more bomblike as I am less likely to want to do housework whilst on ND AND looking after Ivy and Noah through the day...figure I'll be pretty tired.

Everything will have to be planned around work.

Dh and I have been discussing it this afternoon and he said I can do whatever I want, so there is no pressure from him whatsoever, it's all too hard really...suggestions, opinions, advice anyone?????

[MistyFying]

Aaah Tiff that's a tricky one. There's pros and cons, aren't there. Can you have the best of both worlds and only work one or two nights a week?

[Karina]

Can you get them to add you to their casual list? Or do they not have that for midwives?
I have no idea if its regular work, but it might mean you get a bit of extra cash here and there without having to work every night. You'll be sooooo tired working nights and also looking after the children all day, so part time or casual might mean you'll be less zombie-ish?
I dont know sorry. I am having this dilemma too - still trying to decide if I even want to go back after having my bub.
Thats really awful how your NUM hinted that taking time off meant you wouldnt be as good a midwife. I'm sure you'll still be a really great midwife.
Good luck with however you decide to do it.

[barbie-up]

Did I count that right - do you have seven children ? Under 10 ? And you're going back to work !! wow !! I don't know what to say !!

How many shifts/hours a week will you have to do ?

Nicks sister is a nurse and she has four children under 15 and does three 10 hour night shifts a week. It's quite handsomely paid !!!

[Cherie]

Aww Tiff - that's a hard one ... but don't let the NUM try to guilt you into a decision one way or another. Whatever decision you make, the pros and cons have to be what is important to you and your family ... not what somebody else is guilting you into.

Besides, all the time you spend on BB means that you haven't been out of the birthing loop while you haven't been working - you've been supporting women through pregnancy/birth via a different hands-off route, so you won't be de-skilled at all!

Do you have the option to go back part-time or casual? If so, perhaps start off with one shift a week (or fortnight) ... see how it goes ... increase it by one shift per week/fortnight if you feel comfy with your fatigue and mental health levels.

[kas]

It is a tricy situation isn't it? I agree with the other ladies about the posibility of part time/ casual. I have only recently returned to work (2x 5 hour shifts a week) and i am starting to wonder if i should have when it comes to organising kids etc.... but for my adult time i needed to do it. The other alternative is to set out to do your given shifts and if you are unable to, maybe cut back on hours then.

Good luck.

[Trillian]

Gee Tiff, that is a toughie. At my local hospital, one of the midwives only works weekend dayshifts, is that an option for you? then Dave can look after the kids? Can you get an in-home carer/nanny? I don't think that you have lost any skills at all so I don't think that would be an issue, but I can see why you'd be put off by what your NUM has said.

It is a hard decision, but I am sure you will choose the one that is right for you.

[Tracey]

OOOH Tiff, I am sorry I cant help much the girls above have said it all... I hope you can sort something out!!!???

[tiggy]

Thanks girls for your kind words and support. It means alot

I'll only be going back part time but those days after night duty will be sleepless. Dave and I will be like ships in the night. I'll get home and he will leave for work. So no sleep for this little black duck. To top that off, he won't get home until about 9:30 - 10pm at night so I will have to do all the dinner duty, bath, settle babies, kids etc, which particularly sucks when you haven't had much sleep. I kind of liked having Dave home at the end of the day.

So far we have worked out that I will start back on nights on a trial basis for a month. If it is going ok then I'll keep my position (and work on improving my skills). If not, i'll quit and go casual. It will mean no more birthing suite for me because casual midwives are rarely allowed into the birth units but I guess that will be ok for now.
Otherwise I might just leave and do a bridging course when Ivy and Noah are at school. We'll see. Nevertheless, only three weeks to go and I'll be there. *SIGH*