FT work = ? what time Mum???

[MamaPan]

I hear you - I cant believe the judgement that comes from other mothers (or mothers to be). we all need to make our choices and do what is right for us and our families - emotionally, physically, financially etc. I am expecting in Sept and intend to take 6 months off (I may take more or less depending how i actually feel when it all happens!) - my career means a lot to me, and I earn v good money and I get a lot of satisfaction from my job - but i have no idea how motherhood will chg that and I also know not everyone feels the same way about working... i think we all need to do what feels right for us as this will make the happiest and most rounded home for our children (and marriages, familial relations, friendships etc). I never judge or feel any way twds mums who do go to work, dont go to work etc as I honestly think we all need to do what is best for us and what works in our situatins. However, I find the 'judgement' seems to always go the way of SAHM (only some!) judging working mums, it is v politically incorrect to say anything the other way... and that FRUSTRATES me.
The other thing is a lot of this comes from men, many of my DH friends seem to expect that their wives (and me) should stay home - and these are women who prior to being preg had extremely highpowered and succesful careers. we are thinking of trying me working 4 days and DH working 4 days if both employers will allow - and his friends think he has lost the plot!

[Bathsheba]

I find the 'judgement' seems to always go the way of SAHM (only some!) judging working mums, it is v politically incorrect to say anything the other way... and that FRUSTRATES me.
The other thing is a lot of this comes from men, many of my DH friends seem to expect that their wives (and me) should stay home -

Back when my DD was young my DH put a lot of pressure on me to return to the paid workforce because he thought that being a SAHM was old fashioned and unnecessay these days... and that I was being slack "just" being at home.
He has done a 180"C turnaround these days though... NOW he understand why I am more exhausted at the end of each day than he is. Unfortunately though he reports back that many of his male colleagues pressure their wives to return to work before they are ready because they still don't value the work women do at home. So I think it goes both ways. But I agree.... everyone should do what's right for them.... every family situation is different... and men and women and SISTERS should all trust that we are all trying to do the right thing.

[ella79]

i used to be adament that i would be returning to full time work when i had kids and i have had many heated arguments with my in-laws over it!! i got very close to hitting my FIL when he told me one day that "it is NATURAL for a woman to look after kids full time, and that the man should earn the money". that's the way "mother nature" intended it, and that was the only "right" way - aarrrgghhh!!! this comment was in response to my suggestion that i thought that the ideal situation for us would be for both myself and my DH to work part-time, and share family duties and housework... my FIL actually laughed at me as if i was a basket case!! the idea was so totally ludicrous and "unnatural" to him!!
anyway, the funny thing is that now that i'm actually pregnant i can't wait to give up work and look after my baby!! i suspect that my enthusiasm for being a SAHM won't last forever though, and sooner or later i'll want to return to work. finances aren't an issue for us, so it will be more for my own sanity than anything else... my own mum was a SAHM and i enjoyed having her around, but many of my friends have been raised by working mothers and are all perfectly happy, well-rounded individuals, so in my opinion it is a happy, loving and safe home which is most important. kids are very adjustable creatures and as long as they know that mum and dad love them, they will thrive!
whether i choose to be a SAHM in the long run or return to work as a paid employee whilst also a mum, i know that both occupations will be much more challenging than anything i've done before, but the rewards will be better than anything that i can imagine...

tracey, the negative comments are nothing to do with you at all, and rather your sister's jealousy or own insecurities.. you know you're a fab mum and that you're a bl00dy hard worker, and so do your kids, so don't let her thoughtless comments bother you!