Hi Roryrory!!

Firstly congratulations on your pg! Well done!

I felt very much the same as you when I first went on maternity leave, LOL! I am a training vascular surgeon - and still have 5 more years till i am a consultant. I worked >90 hrs per week, had only every second weekend off if I was lucky and had to do IVF to conceive our son.

I went on maternity leave at 35 weeks (too fat to stand at the operating table, LOL!) and I was just so, so excited to be home, away from work, being able to sleep (well as much as one can at that stage of pg), see my hubby and friends and of course await the birth of our much wanted bub.

Tomas was born on time, and I have looooved being at home looking after him, but have found, on occasion, the change from being who I am in work life (with the challenges of my job which I adore) to a full time mum whose sole being is revolving around nappies, expressing, washing and ironing a challenge.

I am going back to work in July, and I feel professionally 'recharged' if you know what I mean - I am rested from my work and feel eager to take up the challenge and start learning again and evolving in my profession. I also feel more driven to finish my training now, so that I can dictate when I work, where I work and who I work for and with, rather than my time being dictated by the public hospital system.

My main fear about going back is the childminding arrangements - and i have decided to get a nanny for Tomas for 3 days a week and the other 2 days my husband will work from home and mind him - have quality father/son time as he says.

I too have a similar desire to be independent - my father is an alcoholic and my mum cannot leave him because of co dependency (from a non english speaking background, ability to support herself etc), and she has always drilled into me to complete some sort of career so that I never have to be in a situation like hers.

My only advice for now is to forget work right now, focus on having your baby, get through the first couple of months because they are tough, and then reassess how you feel - you may be surprised (like I was) about how you feel with regard to work. Perhaps like for me you will feel recharged and ready to go back.

Best of luck, and see you around the boards!