Working Mummies Support Group

[Crystalwings]

I would like to start a working Mummies support group. If it can be a sticky that would be great!
DD2 is 4 mths and i am returning to work at the beginning of August. I really don't want to but need to financially. She is a real mums girl but luckily i have family looking after her. I will be working around 20hrs a weeks and will have the opportunity to bf in my lunch break. i currently live 5mins from work but will possibly be longer soon as we are looking for a bigger place. I tried to express tonight but got hardly any out even though i have had over supply issues. She has never had a bottle. I went back to work when DD1 was 6mths but she was on formula by then as i had been exclusively expressing and going on formula was an easy transition and i couldn't keep up with expressing and working.
I will miss my routine being home with my girls.
Anyway i wanted to start some kind of thread for working mums and the challenges we face returning to work and making it all run smoothly. Are there other mums in the same boat as me or have been through it before and can offer advice?

[Little Chicken]

I'm going to be going through this soon. Currently looking for full time work after being a SAHM for two years. Need to work, but really don't want to.

[peanutter]

We were looking at whether DH would go back to work...

On one hand, we'd have his pay, less tax, less daycare fees, plus CCB/CCR, less car expenses (fuel, wear and tear, etc)... and we'd get less (or probably, nothing) from family tax benefit. And DH would probably either have to drop back to only one subject a semester at Uni, or we'd need to get a cleaner once a month (fortnight ...?) and possibly a gardener, if my hours stay as they are at the moment.

Whereas if he stays at home, we'll still have costs associated with feeding and entertaining the boys during the day.

Essentially, without getting into too much detail with the cost of Haydee-Ho at daycare compared to the cost of play centre on weeks it's too wet for playgroup to go the park, etc, DH would be doing a 40 hour week for the tidy sum of $2.40 per hour. Less if you take travel into account ...

When we were faced with this decision after DS1 was born, we needed that extra $100 a week, so he went back. He didn't like it, I didn't like it, but we accepted it.

This time, he's staying at home.

As the working parent, it's really hard. Frequently the boys are asleep when I go, and in bed when I get home. I'll go in and have snuggles with DS1 but DS2 would wake and not resettle and suffer the next day. I get lots of time with them on the weekend, but while I'm doing crazy hours, it's really hard.

[Astrid]

I am fortunate that everything runs in a line. Half the week, school, childcare, then work. The other half, kinder, school, then work. It is a rush though, a delay of 5 minutes can throw everything out.
Frustrating that school says no drop off before 8:45, but I do it at 8:30 anyway, half the kids are already there (they arrive on the country school buses, which I could put DD1 on, but stupid with me driving by each morning).
Some mornings there is walk to school, so I can drop her off with them. It is meant to be every morning, but half the time the parents doing it are late, so I have driven by before they start.

It is a pain that DH leaves so early, he is no help of a morning, he just sits eating breakfast with the TV on, whilst I pack 3-4 lunches depending on the day.

Worked out that I work for $8.70 per hour bring home. That is after taking into account childcare (out of pocket) and loss of Family tax benefits. We are at that point where we are one minimum FTB A, so now we don't have to worry about what we lose there if DH or I earn more. Well only concern ourselves when we hit threshold of losing the top up amounts, Education Bonus etc. We are few years off that though and would be earning enough that those amount would not matter in the scheme of things.
My pay increases are negotiated, whereas DH has his written into his EBA.

[Trillian]

Well I recently returned to paid work after being a SAHM for 12 years. It's only 12 hours per week, 4 days per week as an SLSO at my kids school, so the hours are fantastic. I finish at 12.15 and with the half hour trip home I'm still getting home early enough that i have a few hours without the kids to get things done. But it's been a challenge though getting back into the swing of things - even just arranging things like getting the car serviced or appointments now have to be fitted in around my work have kept me on my toes. The housework side isn't too bad - I have kids old enough now that we can all get into it and work together to get it done quicker. The biggest thing though is managing uni work on top of it. I'm still doing a full time uni load because I can't afford to have my degree drag out longer - I only have 12 months to go so I'll just have to suck it up and keep moving forward. It does make it easier though that I have all the kids at school. Working with them still at home was impossible and would completely defeat the purpose of working. However I am loving working again and having that role outside of the house.

[wysiwyg]

Worked out that I work for $8.70 per hour bring home. That is after taking into account childcare (out of pocket) and loss of Family tax benefits. We are at that point where we are one minimum FTB A, so now we don't have to worry about what we lose there if DH or I earn more. Well only concern ourselves when we hit threshold of losing the top up amounts, Education Bonus etc. We are few years off that though and would be earning enough that those amount would not matter in the scheme of things.
My pay increases are negotiated, whereas DH has his written into his EBA.

Interesting way of looking at the figures - I just did mine and think works out at $15 while only in daycare three days a week but would drop down to $10 if end up having to go full-time. I suspect if I get offered to stay in my position come July it will be as a permanent employee instead of contractor so it is useful to think of things in this way in terms of what salary I would want, because salaried positions are often significantly less per hour (with understandable reasons I think).

In terms of organisation in mornings haven't found too bad, but I tend to have shower at work (I cycle or walk a significant part, and also push kids round to daycare so prefer this) so I hardly take any time to get ready and the kids I get them to pick their clothes night before and they just grab a banana and have breakfast at daycare (I do have breakfast before I go as can't leave house without breakfast - but DS does tend to get his mits on mine most mornings too). DH does pick ups so that is ok ( doesn't help in morning which is ok as his focus is getting to work on time so can leave 16:30 to do pick up), but he may have to travel with work soon for the first time ever (and mum will have gone) so doing both drop off and pick up will have to see how it goes.

Peanutter - we did think about DH staying home and he did part-time for a bit after DD to see how would go - but didn't work that well and also restricted him moving up at work - now a couple of years on he finally has a job he loves for first time in his life - something he has always wanted to get into. I did work full-time after DD for three months and I recognize some of your feelings about work and it did make me appreciate how it must be for a lot of dad's - I wonder if I have to do it again whether it will feel better this time or worse as previously was only ever going to be until number two arrived maximum.

[nothing2lose]

Ive always worked fulltime but went down to three days a week about a year ago. It's a much better life work balance.
It's made no difference to FTB, CCB etc as we've never been eligible but it means dd can do an after school activity on Friday whereas before she wouldn't have been able to do it.

We don't have before school care so I don't start work until 9.30am.

Dd is in grade 5 now. Not sure what we will do in a couple of years when she is in high school. Freaks me out thinking she will be home by herself for three hours, three nights a week (after catching PT home!) I guess we will cross that bridge when we have to cross it!

Eta - Nutter, we are all "fulltime parents", just some of us work outside the home sometimes

[MummyNaomi]

In terms of organisation in mornings haven't found too bad, but I tend to have shower at work (I cycle or walk a significant part, and also push kids round to daycare so prefer this) so I hardly take any time to get ready and the kids I get them to pick their clothes night before and they just grab a banana and have breakfast at daycare (I do have breakfast before I go as can't leave house without breakfast - but DS does tend to get his mits on mine most mornings too). DH does pick ups so that is ok ( doesn't help in morning which is ok as his focus is getting to work on time so can leave 16:30 to do pick up), but he may have to travel with work soon for the first time ever (and mum will have gone) so doing both drop off and pick up will have to see how it goes.

I like the banana idea - DS will be able to have breakfast at out-of-school-hours care and DD at childcare if necessary so I will probably just either throw a piece of fruit or toast at them and let them have some cereal at care on our early mornings. My plan is to have a shower about 530am - eeek!! I am hoping DD will still BF morning and night so will need to factor in time for a morning feed too. DH leaves at 630am but I dont want to be waking the kids any earlier than necessary and turning them into early birds although DS is already an early waker. Am thinking if I am dressed and had breakfast I can wake them at about 615 and get them dressed, half fed, DD BF and out the door by 7. Will be doing school lunch and bag packing the night before.

I'll be going into the office Mon, Wed and Fri, but Mum has the kids friday so she'll just come down before I leave and sort out breakfast, clothes etc and take them to her house when they are ready. Have worked out that we can get by without after school care as DH finishes at 3pm, he'll just skip his arvo break and finish about 245 on Mon/Wed so he can pick DS up from school, and I'll pick up DD from care at 430 when I finish work. On my RDO and work from home day and I will have DD with me all day and just have to do the school run which I can do at the normal times. At this stage I plan to return to 5 days of work when DD starts school (so 2018).

I haven't worked out my wage per hour, but basically we cant afford to live on one wage - mortgage is too big. As much as I've enjoyed being a SAHM while on maternity leave (and this would be my first preference), the reality is I need to work if we want to continue our current standard of living. Have I thought about buying a smaller house and living a more modest lifestyle? Definitely! But in the end, we built our dream home 6 years ago to fill with a couple of kids and plan to live here pretty much fovever so the compromise is to work to pay for it all. I do enjoy my work though, I am good at it and it gives me a sense of purpose totally separate from being a Mum. I also find that when I work, I don't sweat the small stuff so much with the kids, as any time I spend with them is appreciated, rather than getting bogged down with being with them 24/7 and sometimes feeling like its groundhog day every day IYKWIM?

Peanutter your hours ARE sucky Totally get what you mean about keeping on top of everything. We outsource as much as possible - online grocery shopping delivered to our kitchen bench and have a cleaner to keep the house under control (I've been a bit naughty and kept her while on maternity leave hehehe this time)

[peanutter]

My DH is a full time dad, so I basically never take time off on account of the kids being sick.

I did once when DS1 was in and out of hospital (turned out to not be anything too serious, but there was 48 hours of tests and paeds and terrifying unknown) and DH needed me.

I have taken a day or so off too, when DH has been sick and unable to look after the kids.

When DH was working though (for about 9 of the 20 months between babies!) he probably took 10 days leave because DS1 was sick. His work actually gave him a really hard time about it.

Douchebags.

[Amity]

I work full time and am lucky enough to have boys in school now. Beforehand, it was really hard working out daycare, Poppycare (thank goodness for my Dad!) kinder and school. Particularly when I lived 20 mins from the school.

I've now moved house and am 14 houses from the school. Means the boys walk up with my Dad - I get to walk to the station, and everyone is happy.

(I'm also single, so no partner's income or any issues like that, and am lucky enough to earn enough that I don't have FTB/CCB issues either, although when the kids were younger that was an issue.)

I can't take days off for sick kids - and am effectively a "contractor" so don't get leave, sick pay, carers leave or anything else. If I don't work, I don't get paid. And I do a lot of after hours work too. It's really hard to juggle everything. When I moved, I also got a cleaner and a gardener. Life is now fabulous.

It's much easier when the kids are in school, the hours are regular and everything is predictable. Until they start after school activities like footy, cricket, basketball....

[Cranky Kitten]

Hi Crystalwings

Wow, your story and mine sound so similar - when DD was a baby I went back to work at about 4 months old. I tried to express, but found it really difficult - work wasn't really supportive and I started having supply problems. Wound up putting her on formula, even though I really didn't want to.

Just a suggestion but can you maybe start expressing the odd feed now to get her used to taking from a bottle well before you're due to go back? Even though you'll be able to bf during breaks, there may be the odd occasion she'll need to feed more frequently or at different times.

Hope it all works well for you

[OceanPrincess]

I'm in this boat. Have just started back at work after my second mat leave, I've got DD who is 2.5 and DD who is almost 1.

Returning to work this time was harder... First time round wasn't too bad as I was already pg so I had an end date when I went back

I'm still not convinced about being back... I don't want to be there, I don't know what I'm doing with my career...

Tips from what I've learned so far...

- be organized. Do meal plans, get things ready at night for the next day, get up half an hour before the kids so you can get yourself ready without being stressed or distracted.

- online shopping. Get over the delivery cost (I had to...!) and just do it. So much easier.

- try and do a little bit of housework each night after the kids are down. Just a little bit and it'll make it easier.

[Kazbah]

DS is fed formula by DH (who is the SaHP) during the day/night, and I feed him BM in the evening. My supply has settled so that he gets a good feed from me twice a day, and we both look forward to that time.

Definately get prepared - take your lunches, your snacks and your water bottle. If you are expressing, then a photo or video of your bub really helps. FWIW, they have to allow you to express, although they may require you to make up the time later. The ABA has some good information on it.

And give yourself a night off a week. If your partner is working as well, make sure he takes his turn to get up during the night. That night off helps keep your sanity!!!

Great idea....

[Crystalwings]

thanks for all the replies.
I really want to get some bm in the freezer and get DD2 used to the bottle from someone else. It will be interesting as i tried to feed using nipple shields as she had tongue tie and she wouldn't have a bar of them. i guess she will get a lunch time feed so if she hates the bottle at least she will get that feed.
I'm a bit concerned cause my mum, dh's mum and DH will be looking after her which is a lot of caregivers. i have had issues with MIL imposing her own ideas on me before so will have to have a talk to her about being very open and talking about issues as they arise.
with DD1 i was ready to go back to work but that desire just isn't there this time. Have to keep reminding myself it's only 2 and a half days a week , i can do that. DH is also keen for me to get back to paid work as my ppl will finish soon and i'll have a month with next to nothing.

[purplepixie1978]

Hullo,

I have been back at work for 4 weeks now. DD was 8 months old at the time. I'm only working 3 days per week, but as I'm a teacher I can't just leave it there... a pile of marking is looking at me accusingly as I type.

We didn't do the sums before I went back to see if I actually needed to go back. I thought I would want to go back and be ready to, so when school started back this year I said I'd be back Term 3 for 3 days per week. I wasn't ready to go, and I certainly wasn't ready to leave DD at daycare. But... she loves it there. She's become so social and is learning so much! I'm glad because if she didn't like it there I would have packed it in by the end of the first week. The cost of daycare is ridiculous, but we don't have the option of family care. And we earn *just* over the threshold for any childcare rebate. So once we have another one (hopefully next year), I will definitely be doing the sums. Can't see myself wanting to go back at all after that...

I'm with Ocean Princess, I just don't know where I'm going with my career. I used to be so ambitious and now my priorities have totally changed.

Organisation is key... and look after yourself. If the housework needs to go to hell for a bit while you get settled so be it, and go to bed early on "school nights". I've been using Aussie Farmers Direct and planning meals around that. If you don't already have a slow cooker, invest in one.

Hope you're all getting a handle on things.

[nickle730]

Oh, the slow cooker... working mumma's best friend!

I started back to work this week. I had some retraining that last three days but from now on I will only work on weekends. I have agreed to work during the day every Sunday and every second Saturday. DH and I decided this was our best option as it means I can do all the school pick ups and drop offs during the week (I have two older kids as well as Miss P) and he will be home to look after the kids when I'm working. I also get 10 weeks holiday each year. I'm concerned about how my working weekends will impact on our time as a family, but I simply can't bear the thought of sending Miss P to childcare and the other kids to before/after school care. DH starts early and is usually home by the time we get home from school each day so we all have evening together... and ultimately, if it doesn't work we'll figure out something else!

I enjoy my job and I actually like having the opportunity to go to work. I go to work and talk about grown up stuff! Then I come home and appreciate what I have there. I have really missed Miss P the last few days but DH took those days off to care for her (we don't have much family around to help with child care) and the two of them have really bonded.

I have worked really hard to BF and I have no desire to stop so I expressed in the middle of the day and that seemed ok. I work in a very male dominated environment so I managed to frighten several of the blokes by pulling out my pump and asking for a quiet room!! No one used my bottle of expressed milk for their coffee so all was ok...

Hope we can all find 'the balance', it's nice to have others to share the experience with.

[chody47]

Hullo,


I'm with Ocean Princess, I just don't know where I'm going with my career. I used to be so ambitious and now my priorities have totally changed.

This is me exactly at the moment. I too am a teacher and, even last year when I went back to work at 6 months, I was still thinking about advancing in my career. I was even thinking about going back full time this year as I hated sharing my class and thought things would be better if I just did it all myself. This year, however, (I think especially after the Christmas holidays, entirely spent with DD), my priorities have started to change. I'm now thinking that working part time in a classroom roll might be ok for the long term and I don't really care about advancing at the moment......I can't believe I"m actually saying that lol!

[ElleJay]

I'll be going on maternity leave for the 2nd time on NYE but have no choice but to go back to work when she's 4 months old myself.