What a time you've been through! Just on what you're saying, I would guess that your faecal incontinence and urgency resulted from a weak/damaged pelvic floor. I'm assuming you had a difficult or long second stage of labour, given that you had an assisted delivery. I'm not sure where you are, but I would suggest that seeing a women's health physio would be very benficial to you.

I had a very difficult and long second stage (4 hours), failed ventouse and then forceps delivery, although I had an episiotomy so no tearing. My pelvic floor was very weak post-delivery, and I saw a physio in hospital who suggest I continue with some physio to help regain some strength in that area. I only saw her another couple of times, but she was excellent, and really whipped me into shape! I think I might see her again at some point during this pg to make sure I'm in good shape for the next birth.

A physio may also help you to understand whether it's your pelvic floor or something else that is concerning, with regard to having another VD. I personally would also be looking further into it, and not just taking your Obs word for it. Do you think you might have a women's health physio nearby? Or could you see another Ob for a second opinion?