Hey hun,
Sorry i missed this until now - usually like to keep my beady eye on youDunno how i missed this one...
It sounds like despite your current low spirits and symptoms you have your head screwed on tight as ever! Your decision making is rational and sound and it sounds like you're making a silk purse out of the sow's ear life has handed you.
No, obviously medicating during pregnancy isn't ideal - but is having the depression/anxiety in the first place ideal!? Um...nope! Unfortunately all too often life doesn't present us with ideal situations but with highly complex ones. Whatever you do at this stage, medicate or not, your little boy will be your little boy forever. It is VERY hard to know whether your own incorrectly high anxiety levels will have more effect than a higher dose of your medication on your son, but it is a FALLACY to think these two things will make the MOST difference to his life.
You are a loving compassionate mother who takes her parenting decisions carefully and with consideration. Your son might not have chemically optimal conditions in the womb WHATEVER decision you make but by goodness, it is 9 months (at this stage let's remember it's only 3!) of his life. There will be 20 YEARS after that of your love and care. You are already preparing for him and thinking about how to reduce his potential difficulties after birth (like BFing etc.) and to be honest Linz, you got given him. If he was meant for someone who wouldn't have to make this decision he'd have gone to them. But he isn't coming to anyone but you.
He's too tiny to ask now, but i'd bet you if you could ask ANY child what they wanted natural chemicals and a deeply distressed unhappy mum or synthetic chemicals and a coping, happy mum, they would choose the latter.
Hang in there hun.
Bx
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