Popping in....

This is in relation to your anticipation of pain... I had vaginismus and FSD (female sexual dysfunction - impotence for women, you don't get engorged or wet) for most of my teens and my early 20's because of the abuse i'd suffered as a child - ironically i never sought medical help because i thought sex was supposed to be mildly-moderately painful for women every time they did it...

Anyway, i was thinking, if you are there all tense and worried about pain, some of the pain you have could be that of vaginismus - the muscles around the opening tighten up hard and NOTHING is going in there without it hurting. It felt like the penis was made of sandpaper to me. People would say "use lube" but lube only helps if you can release your pelvic floor! With lube it would sometimes go in (mods if i'm too graphic then remove this and i'll PM instead) but within a few movements would feel like broken glass at the entrance because the muscles were still fighting to close my pelvic floor.

So eventually i realised it was muscular and the combination of some relaxation exercises and being with someone who i really trust and love (not a problem for you ) really helped. I banned lube, and if i cannot get relaxed and aroused myself we do not have sex (i almost always can nowadays). The problem is that physical issues can LEAD to psychological ones because nothing wears you down like pain.

I don't know if this is any help to you, but it's worth discussing with the gyn as they might well be able to help if you have vestibulitis caused by vaginismus. I think i read once that you can tell the difference because with vestibulitis the skin down there hurts whenever you touch it, and if the problem is vaginismus then it's inserting things which causes the pain, and many women can use tampons, insert a finger themselves etc. without issue but when it comes to sexual contact they have problems and pain (though some women with vaginismus can NEVER insert anything- it depends if it's sex causing the anxiety and spasming or just any and all general genital contact).

I hope you find solutions really soon hun.

Bx