Hi Kirsty,

I too received the same kind of comments that you have received, i.e. that it was nature's way and that there must have been something wrong etc. I don't want to draw any kind of comparison between your situation and mine because there really isn't, but I certainly know that these kinds of comments are not at all useful at such a time and are highly offensive! I fully understand that some people really don't know what to say in these situations and so quite often say the wrong thing, but unfortunately saying that it was natures way or that there must have been something wrong is of absolutely no help whatsoever - you have still experienced the tremendous loss of a much loved baby and those comments don't make it 'alright' that you have experienced such devastating loss or make the loss any less. I found the best comments were simply to say 'I'm so sorry for your loss' - that way I knew people were thinking of us, and that was enough. Any further comments such as those that you received are not helpful at all.

The fact that you have a beautiful and much loved son in James is not some kind of a consolation prize for your loss either - I can only imagine how upsetting it would be for people to be saying to you that you should be grateful for him - again it doesn't make your loss any less.

I am thankful that you have the support of your DH and Mother and that you can share your grief together. I know you have a very tough journey ahead of you to get through this time - just know that we are all here for you whenever you need it.