Hi Tash, can I just say that you are definitely not a nut, and what you are going through is completely normal. You are grieving for the loss of your precious angel, and you will continue to do so for as long as you need, just do know that it will eventually get easier. Slowly but surely it will, in your own time.

When reading your post I felt like it could have been written by me last year after our loss.

I hope you find the counselling helpful - I went to several sessions after losing my lil one, I could talk to others but I just couldn't find the release I did when I spoke to my counsellor. I really feel it helped me so I hope you find it helpful too.

I treated my body so badly after my m/c, because I was angry at it, so why should I be good to it? It took about 3 months before I had a really good look at myself and thought if I didn't snap out of it I would never be healthy enough to even try for another baby. It was hard, but I eventually turned things around. I will be honest when I say that for me, I really didn't feel like I moved forward until after what would have been our due date. So it was a long slow process, but passing that date felt like turning a corner for me. It was a horrible day, but it felt like such an emotional release.

Maybe instead of personal training, just tackle smaller things, like a good long walk, with or without DF. I can't tell you how many days I just walked and walked, with my dark glasses on and listening to my ipod, crying as I went. Noone knew and I felt safe just doing my own thing, and taking it all one day at a time.

I wish I could tell you when it will start to get better, but I can't, just know that it will eventually get a little easier every day, and I hope that happens for you soon