Being as supportive as I can..

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Dh has this friend that we see probably once every 3-6 months, him and his wife have a little girl who is now 2. 12 weeks ago they found out they ee expecting and we were one of the first people to know, they came over about a month ago and while I don't usually chat to the wife, I felt that we really connected as this was the first time I'd seen her since having Harlee. We bump into them at the shops quite a bit but her and I are still kind of just connecting. Anyway, we bumped into dh's friend at the shops today and he tells us that they lost their baby at 16 weeks and she birthed it last week. He said that his wife is a mess at the moment and they are going to have a funeral for the baby on wednesday. Dh asked if he would like us to go and he said 'you dont have to' .. What does that mean? What kind of support do we/ can we offer? Do we go to the funeral? Or would that be stepping over the line? My heart is breaking for them.

[Traveller]

Personally I would go. They have shared their pregnancy, loss and the funeral plans with you. Just by attending the funeral and letting them know that the loss of their child has meant something to you might mean a lot to them. Also I doubt they would have told your husband when the funeral was if they didn't want you there. xx

[TeniBear]

For Ianto's funeral, when I said something like "you don't have to" I meant it as a way for the person to not feel uncomfortable coming/not coming.


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks

[RhiChiChi]

I think they would like you to go because he would have said straight out if it were a family only event or they didn't want you to come.

I would also just send them some meals or get in contact with them & let them know if there is anything that you can do for them, you will.

[Babyluv]

I would go, like the above pp said it's a way for you to show them you care. Maybe you could call her and tell her if she needs anything at all to give you a call.

[briggsy's girl]

i was thinking the same as Trav - if they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have mentioned it - but the qualification of not having to go is there because some people simply can't for whatever reason. If you feel you can attend and be there to support them, i would go. if you look inside yourself and can't (for whatever reason) there is no obligation from them. they won't think any less of you if you don't go

Everyone has a different feeling about this situation. some will be able to offer their support in other ways at other times but not actually be at the service. others will be fine to actually attend the service and be there in that moment. you have to decide what is going to be appropriate for you.

[peanutter]

same - I'd go. It's so nice that you care, and the more support they see is available, the better for them, and they can then decide what they do or don't want.

you're a good person.

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thanks everbody for the advice
I will be going now, I think your all right, it is probably going to help them realise that we care. I will try get dh to check If they need anything like meals. I feel so bad for them, they are such good parents and she had been suffering a bit of pnd and really didn't need anymore stress, let alone baby loss

[peanutter]

I will try get dh to check If they need anything like meals.

awesome idea

[*Sparklez*]

i would go, i think he was showing the courtesy side of things, a little ones funeral isnt the place alot of adults could see themselves being itms?
im so sorry for your friends and i really do hope your friend and his wife are ok (well as well as can be expected)..
Fly free little one.. xoxox

[LionsandBears]

This may be really obvious, so sorry if it is - dont take your baby. They will appreciate your support. In fact they may find out who their real friends are during this time. But a baby there would be too much to handle.

You're a good friend to them.

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thanks, we were organising a baby sister, dh thought it would be ok but I didnt think it would be right to bring her.

[Tegam]

infant death scares so many people. If you can go then do, they will love that people saw their baby as real and worth mourning