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Thread: Birth Certificate - is this normal?

  1. #1

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    Angry Birth Certificate - is this normal?

    As some of you lovely ladies will know, my sister had a stillborn last year in March, Phoebe Louise.

    She now has another daughter, who is 10 weeks old, and they have just received her birth certificate.

    It has listed the normal stuff, parents, occupations, address.... blah blah blah, and then lists the siblings... which are my sister's two boys... and then lists Phoebe as being a year old.

    I don't need to tell you how upsetting this is to my sister, another reminder to her that Phoebe would have been a year old when Hope was born. Is this a normal thing to be put on a birth certificate for subsequent siblings?!?!? I just thought it was a knife in the heart and so not needed..... I've told my sister to give BD & M a call and tell them to fix it, because we don't think she needs a constant reminder (because she doesn't need one) that Phoebe isn't here and isn't aging like the rest of her kids....



    Has this happened to anyone else? I think its disgusting and I was very upset when my sis showed me the birth certificate today.

  2. #2

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    Angry

    OMG Mel that is just horrible and horrifying and completely cruel and uneccesary. My stomach turned when I read your post. I really feel for you and your poor sister. She should definitely get onto them - it sounds to me like a beauraucratic mistake. I am not sure but it doesn't sound right or appropriate to me.

    I am so sorry you guys had to go through that

  3. #3

    Default

    When you fill in the form, if you list your stillborn baby it will be included on the birth certificate however it does ask you to put SB next to the name if the baby is stillborn. I was warned by a friend that Cooper's name would be included on Ethan's birth certificate which I am happy about because he is a sibling of Ethan however it says 'Cooper stillborn', which I think is so insensitive. It could read 'Cooper (SB)' or 'Cooper - stillborn' but the fact that there is nothing between Cooper and stillborn makes it look like his name. I have been thinking about getting the birth certificate amended. Maybe ask your sister what she put on the form but if I was her I would be getting it changed because I too would be extremely upset that it mentions the age of your angel baby.....like you said just another knife in the heart that isn't needed. It is hard enough receiving a birth certificate for your living child without the added reminder that your angel baby is no longer with you.

    Big hugs to you and your sister

  4. #4

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    HI Mel, I too have had a stillborn bubba ( 9years ago today! ) and on each of my 3 subsequent children's birth certificate it reads CARLY ROSE STILLBORN under heading of previous children. It is hard enough to even see Carly's name on their birth certificate but I think this is so bad to print on Hope's birth certificate that precious little PHOEBE should be one year old. I would be tearing strips of these inconsiderate people who have no idea just how much pain their STUPID mistake has caused!

    My love and hugs to your sister and your family, Shell xo

  5. #5

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    Default

    My sister did put SB after Phoebe's name on the form, which is why it was so upsetting for her I think. She did well telling us all today, and showing us the birth certificate without getting all teary and upset, because I sure as hell would have if it had been me in her place!!

    I offered to ring the BD & M people to tear strips off them for her because I wouldn't get as emotionally drained from doing it as she would IYKWIM?

  6. #6

    Default

    That is terrible and disgraceful that they overlooked the SB on your sisters form. They don't understand that mistakes like this can just be so heartbreaking and bring up so many things when it can be so easily be avoided. I would ring up and tear strips off them too, it is unacceptable.

  7. #7

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    Tear the strips of them bella, this is just downright disgusting. I'd be going awol.

    Big hugs to your poor sister and all of your family . And also congrats to your sister for the new little sunshine in her life

  8. #8

    Default

    Hi Mel,

    Big for your poor sister - what an upsetting thing to see, talk about rub it in! We still have a little wait for this baby but I do know that on Nicholas' birth certificate it says "Nicholas 5 September 2006 stillborn" so I am assuming it will say something similar on J's birth certificate under siblings. I think she should definitely get in contact with Births, Deaths & Marriages and have them correct the error - at no cost to herself! People need to take a bit more care with these "little" things that seem like not much to them but can cause a huge amount of pain and sadness to the people involved.

    Hope she gets it sorted out quickly and easily.

    Mel

  9. #9

    Default

    Hi Mel,

    I know i'm replying to a post posted last year but I'm in a similar situation and I just don't know what to do. My daughter passed away unexpectedly and traumatically 3 years ago and we since have a little baby brother for my daughter about a year later. I was in shock when I opened up my sons birth certificate when it arrived and saw the word 'deceased' next to my daughters name. Her name is Alyssa. I never ever ever thought that they would be so insensitive to be so blunt! I rang birth, marriages and death department and i was told that its a procedure for them to do so, something about centrelink. I've emailed them and rang them again earlier this year and told them that they could for example put an * or () or something next to my daughters name on my sons birth cert and have a footnote indicating what the legend means. I told them that a birth cert is suppose to be a sign of 'celebration of life' not an indication of the past as well. I was thinking or writing to my local federal member to see if he can help change this practice, or maybe get enough signatures for them to change it? I'm pretty sure there are lots of parents out there who want to do something about it but do not know where to start.

  10. #10

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    I'm so sorry you have to deal with the pain of this too. I am crying tears for your pain - plus reading my old post was very difficult.

    If you get a petition going - let us know. I'm sure there would be lots of people on this site alone interested in that kind of thing.

    Take care
    xox

  11. #11

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    Hi Odierulz

    Firstly, welcome to BB.

    I am sorry that you are finding this so difficult to deal with and I can not imagine the pain that it must cause you. And I hope that you can take what I say as trying to be constructive.

    A birth certificate is a legal document. Just like a marriage certificate or a death certificate. It records important information and unfortunately historically that has included older siblings. To say that a birth certificate is a celebration of life is just like saying that a death certificate is a celebration of death. It isn't and that is not what it is intended to achieve, it is merely a legal record of something occurring.

    Writing to your federal member won't change it, all it will do is bring you further disappointment and heartache and noone would want that for you. I just can't imagine that there will be changes to the way that births are recorded and what details they require.

    Many years ago there was a big push to remove the lines where it showed when and where the parents were married because this caused upset to people who were born out of wedlock. There is still that line on certificates.

    I am really very sorry for your loss and that your son's birth certificate reminds you of the death of your precious angel Alyssa.

  12. #12

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    Default

    Oh Thats awefully insensitive... Could they not use something else... even seeing SB would be hard i think. Gosh... i feel for her, u and your family... :hugs:

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