It's been 5 months since we lost Char-leigh @ 35wks b4 Char-leigh we had a m/c @6 wks and have talked about having another baby when the time is right. What I want to know to the ladies that have had a stillborn and gone back for another bub has it helped you with the healing of your loss.
It has. It's tough, and I know of others who regret going back so quickly for another, so it's not for everyone. For me having Amelia has helped my heart heal after losing Ianto. I do worry about her a little more than I think I would if I hadn't lost him, but I do sometimes feel like that experience has made me a better mum to her. I know what I missed with Ianto, so when I feel I can't deal with her crying, I remind myself how grateful I am that she's actually able to cry. Able to look at me with tears in her eyes. I can do everything in my power to help her, whereas I can't do anything else for Ianto other than buy his headstone.
Not really. For us, it was time to try again after 6 months but nothing helped heal the pain of losing Leo except time. The 9 month mark was hell. It's now 12 months and it's still hell, though in our case we've had another late loss so that's made things harder.
For me, getting pregnant again isn't about healing the pain of losing our sons. It's about having a living child. Time heals, it just goes slower than you want it to. You will heal, pregnant again or not. For me, they are separate issues now.
I'm so sorry for your losses hun I lost my first baby half way through my first pg, but only a short time later I wanted to be pg again. I felt I missed out on my pg with Josh. I never wanted to replace him, and I was in fact scared that wanting another baby so soon after him was disrespectful to my little angel. I found that after I got pg the second time, I missed Josh even more, staring at my DS's face wondering what Josh's would have been like if he was born full term.
Almost 3 years on since losing Josh, some days the pain of losing him is still so raw. It's as if happened yesterday. I think time does heal, but you never ever forget or get over the loss of a baby/child. It's like this for me anyway. For me, that hole in my heart I have had since losing my first born, will never be filled. Having my second son here earth side has helped me with my healing.
GL in your life journey hun.
Im so sorry to hear of your losses gorgeous.
We lost our DS in feb (full term) and im currently nearly 6 weeks pregnant, so about 4-5 months. i dont know if it will be healing, im guessing it will. right now i feel very conflicted in my feelings, up and down constantly, its tough, i hope it gets easier
I am so so sorry to hear of your loss of Char-leigh and your other little one. We lost our precious Ellen at 41 weeks and the only thing we were really sure of after we left hospital was that we wanted to try again. It took almost 12 heartbreaking months to fall pg again.
We are now waiting both eagerly and with much trepidation for our next baby.
Being pg again feels better than not being able to have another child BUT it doesn't fill any of the gaps Ellen has left in our lives.
I don't believe you can love one child more or less than another even if they are angel babies.
I hope this baby will be born breathing and perhaps my aching empty arms will be filled.
Being pg after a loss is very stressful and uncertain. There is never again that feeling of innocence about pregnancy.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your family and whatever decisions you make.
I hope my comments help you.
Go gently, it's a life-long journey.
I really dont think i was clear enough yesterday with my question and am sorry if I offend anyone, I wasn't saying I was wanting to replace or forget Char-leigh in any shape or form it's just a great big hole that she has left me. I was just hoping for some insight from others that have gone back soon after a stillborn on weather it has helped them with their healing.
I would love the chance to become a mother again but now that looks a bit on the light side as they found that I was FVL (Factor V Leidin heterozygote) which is where the blood is more likely to clot (which they found Char-leigh's cord was full of clots) so for me to have another means clexane injections daily and the fact that I got gd with both pg and was on inslin injections 2 a day so its a really big decision for me and DH and also the fact that I can't have them naturally and have to have a c-section. I guess only time will tell.
Once again sorry if I offended anyone.
Char-leighs mum Kelly
DD 06 @6wk 10 Char-leigh @35wks 11
Sweetie u didnt offend anyone at all. Sounds like another pregnancy will be a big undertaking for you. It will be worth it if it choose to do it though
noone thought you are trying to replace Char-leigh. We all know there's no such thing.
What you've been through is truly awful. I've found only time and talking helps. A subsequent pregnancy is so hard once you've had a loss but you can get through. Maybe join the TTC after late loss thread. The ladies there are really lovely and supportive.
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry if I have worded my reply in a funny way that could be disinterpreted (by saying that I didn't want to replace Josh, but I didn't mean that you are!). I'm really sorry hun, I know you're not, I think I should have worded it differently
The second pg did bring healing for me hun, I look at my DS every day and realise how lucky I am to have him here. He has allowed me to a large degree to move forward in the most positive way that I can, although I miss Josh every day. But like you've said also, that hole never disappears, our angel/s will always be missed where ever we are in life. Big squeeshy hugs hunni
I'm sorry if my reply made you think that. I honestly didn't mean to upset.
I do however think everyone heals in a personal way and for some having another baby may help the journey but for others not change it.
I think however we "heal" we will always carry huge scars of our loss. Knowing how to live with the scars and manage the pain of them is individual for everyone.
I think in the beginning of our greif we thought having another baby would help heal us but as we are travelling along its becoming evident that perhaps it just adds another layer to the scar tissue but doesn't help remove it.
I hope this makes some sort of sense and I honestly hope you make a decision about expanding your family in a gentle loving place.
It sounds like you will need a whole load of willpower to manage another pregnancy let alone manage one after such a devesating loss of your precious Char-leigh.
Good luck to you and your family
Healing after a loss
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