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Thread: didn't want to have to write in here...

  1. #19

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    SJ, i am devistated to read this. My prayers are with you and your Dh let it out and cry, scream, yell and cry again. Sometimes life is so unfair xoxo


  2. #20

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    So sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts....

  3. #21

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    Hi SaraJane,

    First, more warm and gentle hugs to you from me

    Your story sounds similar to mine when I lost an angel in November 2005. I too went for an US and I knew it was all over and that there was no hope, but they (medical professionals) weren't willing to accept that, just in case. I really wanted to have a D&C ASAP, so we could just get it all over and done with and start again. But they weren't willing to do that until they were absolutely sure that it wasn't a viable pregnancy, because miracles really do happen (even though I knew that I would not be having a miracle). So yes, I went and had repeat blood tests and another US (thankfully they didn't make me wait longer than a week) just to confirm everything.

    So, if you don't want to have a D&C, I can't see any reason why you would need to have the repeat blood tests. Like others have suggested though, go and have another US, just to check, when it's all done.

    More hugs

    Rachel.
    Last edited by Epacris; April 23rd, 2008 at 04:49 PM.

  4. #22

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    Sooo sorry, honey. No words, just love and hugs....

  5. #23

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    honey - just letting you know again that ur in my prayers

  6. #24

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    Life seems so unfair sometimes , there is no right way to grieve, be gentle with yourself. All the best for the future

  7. #25

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    Oh SJ , I am sooo sorry to see your post, you need to do what is right for you hun

  8. #26
    DoubleK Guest

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    sorry i havent had time to read all the replies, but i just wanted to say im so sorry to hear whats happened. i have been through the same thing recently, and its just not fair.

    i was so sick of going back and forward to doctors, hospitals, ultrasounds etc. i was meant to go back for one last blood test to make sure my levels hadnt suddenly gone up (i knew this wasnt the case, as my baby had already passed thrugh my body) but i never went back, the hospital actually called me, i didnt answer my phone.

    i just wanted to give you a big you will feel better soon, i hope your doing ok in the meantime.

  9. #27

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    SJ i'm so sorry to hear you're going through this - it's just not fair. There's no explanation, no possible way to understand what has happened, and my heart goes out to you

    i read your opening post and just wanted to say that, as much as you don't want to, i would suggest that the BT, at least, is a good idea. even if you feel that you've had a complete loss naturally, it's always best to confirm that it is over. the reduction in HCG will confirm that for you, and give you closure. also keep in mind that you can't start trying again until your levels are back to zero, and sometimes it doesn't happen straight away so your doctor may want to monitor it

    i completely understand the desire to go it alone and to deal with this most personal tragedy with just yourself and your partner - it's such a private thing to experience, and it really does seem invasive to have people poke and prod you - but really, i would suggest that your doctor wouldn't ask you to have the test if they didn't deem it necessary. and from a personal perspective, i found it easier to cope when i knew for sure that it was over, as opposed to assuming it - gave me closure. while you may not believe the doctor when they've said your conception dates might be out, a six week fetus may not have a visible heartbeat - and if you've not had a prior scan that showed the heartbeat, i'm guessing they want to confirm that this isn't the case for you...

    my heart really goes out to you hun - no one should have to lose an angel baby EVER.

    take care

    BG

  10. #28
    paradise lost Guest

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    Oh SJ I was gutted to see your name as the author of a thread in here.

    I totally understand your desire to go natural with your loss. I had that urge too and i basically stayed home while i lost the baby and had a blood test a few days after that to make sure it was all complete. I just felt that the blood tests could not save my baby and i wasn't going to have a D&C unless i got an infection, so what was the point?

    You COULD wait until your bleeding stops but with mine i bled for a month with the 1st loss and nearly 3 weeks with the 2nd, so that's a longish time to have to wait, iykwim. Maybe wait out over the weekend and see how you feel next week?

    I would also say that though they want to know if your levels are falling now, if they ARE falling they might well push you to have a D&C, which is invasive and is only really necessary if your body is unable to pass it all by itself. That's fine if you want a D&C (many women find it helpful having it over and done with) but if you don't then it can be hassly having to decline more treatment when you just want to stay home. I read somewhere that in losses before 9 weeks the foetus kind of shrinks up by 1 day in development for each day it hasn't passed out of your body. So if you should be 8 weeks and are measuring 6 weeks it's likely your angel passed a week ago, not 2 weeks ago. From that POV your body hasn't had much of a chance to complete this naturally, and i'd reckon if you want to wait a little you'd probably be safe to.

    BUT - if you get a temperature or a headache or heavy blood loss (more than 1 saturated pad an hour) then go to emergency. Complications with miscarriage are rare but can be serious so take GOOD care of yourself and try not to be alone.

    Giant to you. I'm so sorry.

    Bx

  11. #29

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    I am so sorry to hear of your loss SaraJane .

    Let yourself feel what you want, there are no right or wrong feelings. I had a m/c in Jan of last year and I honestly just felt relieved it was over (I didn't know I was pg until I started to miscarry). We all deal with our losses in our own way.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers

  12. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lulu2 View Post
    NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

    Oh no, no, no Sarah I'm devastated for you.

    I couldn't have put that better myself.

    Hun, I'm so very very sorry for your loss!
    If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always going to be here for you

  13. #31

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    Thankyou for all your support and advice everyone it means so much to me and makes me feel less alone and gives me hope.
    I took all of your advice and had the BT this afternoon. Although I didn't want to I didn't want the Dr hassling me about it or anything and I guess like you have said it will be like more closure that it is definately over and my body is doing what it's meant to. Plus the Dr wouldn't cancel the hospital or anything until she got the results and knew it was 100%.
    As you mentioned Hoobly, I'm worried about the Dr wanting me to have a D&C. I don't want one, I'd rather it happened naturally. I hate hospitals and operations and anything like that and I feel like it would be much more traumatic for me if I had to have any of that. So I'm just everything goes ok and it takes care of itself. I won't let the Dr push me into it, or scare me into it! Which I was worried about coz when I was there yesterday she was already telling me about it and what would happen if I needed it. So I'm ready for that. lol, now that I'm all ready she probably won't even mention it.

    So that's it, only 1 more needle hopefully, I hate them! And then an u/s when the bleeding stops the GP said. I think I'll go to a different place though, that place was bad. I was waiting for a while, busting to go to the loo coz of all the water I had to drink so I asked how much longer it would be and the receptionist said 1/2 hour and that I could go to the toilet and then drink more water. SO then the u/s guy comes out 2 mins later and DH had gone to get food so I had to go in by myself and started getting all teary coz DH wasn't there but they didn't care and wouldn't let someone else go first. Then the guy wasn't even nice, didn't even really talk to me and was annoyed coz he couldn't see anything coz my bladder was empty so I had to go back out and wait again to try after I'd had more water!! Then they couldn't even tell me how long it would be just said probably over an hour. Brilliant. Not a good day at all.

    DH had the day off work today which was good. Better not to be alone but he has to go back tomorrow I'm just scared about what will happen now, I don't know when the bleeding will start or how bad it will be or if it will hurt a lot I hate all this waiting.

    Whoa, ok, another long post.
    Thankyou everyone for your kind words and support

  14. #32
    Lovenhope Guest

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    I'm so sorry for your loss SaraJane and that they messed you around so much today. How uncompassionate of the ultrasound place. Definately go somewhere else if you can.

  15. #33
    paradise lost Guest

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    Oh SJ

    I'm so sad for you. Do you have a female friend or rello who can be with you tomorrow? It's not a time to be alone, someone you trust who can be with you can be such a comfort.

    Both of my miscarriages were natural. Yes, they hurt, i won't lie. But though they were more painful than period pain, they were along the same lines. With #1 i had strong period pain with one long (5minute) sort of tearing cramp. I bled for a long time after but it was very light, like lochia is, more brownish spotting than blood. With #2 it was very heavy period pain with wave like pains in my back. That was actually worse than labour for me, though i think the pain was worsened by the sadness i was feeling too, if you know what i mean. There was only a small build up to it and then horrible back spasms for about 4 hours, a warm bath made me bleed faster but really helped with the pain.

    For ME i felt with each loss it was the only "birth" this baby could have through me, and though i didn't enjoy the pain, i did sort of welcome that last opportunity to be "mother" to them. They had to leave me early but we all (each baby and i) saw it through the best we could. I'm just like you, i hate the medical procedures and visits too.

    I guess i'm trying to say, don't worry about the pain you might feel. Though it might be stronger than period pain it will probably feel in many ways similar - it won't be an unfamiliar pain. This is the coming of your baby, the situation is not what you'd hoped but it is what you have and it wouldn't be happening if you couldn't cope with it. I think the hardest thing i found was other peoples tendency to gloss it all - "like period pain" seemed to mean they could act like i just had my period and pretend i wasn't delivering my little lost angel. I think for me by accepting the fact that i WAS INDEED having, in the true sense, my baby, i was able to dig deep and find more fortitude than i thought i had.

    Take a warm bath, take painkillers, have a glass of wine if you like. You can do this and you will be ok.

    Bx

  16. #34

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    Im so sorry

  17. #35

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    Thankyou everyone
    Thankyou hoobley, your post helped a lot. I hate not knowing when it will happen. The spotting started last friday afternoon but doesn't seem to have got heavier and isn't red or anything yet.
    Does anyone know if taking my temperature will give me an indication of when it will happen? Or does that not happen like when you get AF? It might not be the same. At the moment my temp is still up so I don't know if that means it's not happening soon or what.
    Oh well, I will just wait again I guess. There has been so much waiting with everything, I'm sick of it, waiting to ovulate, the TWW, waiting to tell ppl to see if it's going to be ok, waiting when the spotting started to see what would happen, waiting for an u/s, waiting for BT results. Ahhh....I'm just sick of it.
    I am just trying to be positive and think that for some reason this just wasn't the time but my time isn't far away and I will be able to cuddle my little angel one day.

  18. #36

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    Yeah it is all about waiting. You're not at work or anything crazy like that are you?
    If you have to wait, you can do it on your terms - on the couch in front of the telly with your fav blanket, a movie and a big glass of wine.

    I think I went straight through the bottle shop on the way home from my u/s (at 4 in the afternoon), one or two might help you with the "shocked and ripped off" feeling.

    Had you let everyone know yet?

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