Deb,
You know I'm sure that all your BB friends are thinking of you as you grieve the loss of your little one. I think I understand that your message is really about how others deal or rather don't deal with the news that a friend or relative has suffered the death of a baby that never had the chance to be born. I found like you that those who simply offered their silent support or said to me "there's no reason for this", "It sucks", "you'll have your baby", etc were the ones I appreciated the most. I think many believe if they can tell you there's a reason or it wasn't the right time that this will somehow make you feel better. I'm sure too that some people don't think of the loss as a death and therefore there's no correct "etiquette" when it comes to expressing their sorrow/sympathy. Even the words loss or lose sounds like you just went out and left it somewhere!! When you've had more than one many friends and relatives have an even harder time. It also feels as though society feels that there should be a finite time for you to "get over it"!
As I have no living children I used to feel as though I couldn't even say to friends "when I was pregnant..." in case it made them feel uncomfortable BUT I no longer care how it makes others feel. They are my real experiences-- I was carrying a baby even though I have nothing to physically "show" for it. These pregnancies should not be experiences in my life that are locked away for the comfort of others.

Thankyou for writing this piece Deb! It should be compulsory reading for all those at a loss to reach out to their friends at this time.
We will hold babies in our arms- because we believe.