Feeling lost and isolated.

[Hunter Mum]

On Easter Sunday after spending the night in hospital with a suspected ectopic pregnancy I found out that I had a missed miscarriage, I was 10 wks and baby measured 8. I was sent home and then arranged to see my planned ob on the Tuesday, she was called away and that was changed to Wednesday where she planned a d&c for Friday. Thursday came and I miscarried myself at home, it was horrible and traumatic, the pain horrendous made worse knowing that there was no joy at the end. I still needed a d&c on Friday and ended up having to stay overnight due to complications with really low blood pressure. My parents visited from interstate on the Thursday arvo and left Sunday morning, husband went back to work that Sunday night too. Everyone around me returned to normal life and I was being pulled along physically with them. I wanted to talk about it with the few that knew but everybody avoided it or ignored it. My cries for help and support went unanswered and then a week and a half ago I hit rock bottom in a melt down when my BIL attacked me over something unrelated and uncalled for, it was the straw that broke the camels back and nobody could understand that. The arguments between my two sisters and mum went back and forward and I called it that I needed out, I didn't have the tools to deal with the situation anymore. All the little things that had built up over the years I had let out.

My parents think I'm grieving and "need help", I'm not denying I'm grieving but what I really just needed/need was support from them and my sisters. To not be forgotten about and expected to just return to a normal life before I was pregnant. My sisters haven't let me back in their lives because I told them I'm out because it was all too negative and I needed to escape it. I have tried to explain but they think it was just immature.

Has anyone else gone through a period of feeling alone, worthless and isolated? It has only been 1 month so I thought it would be quite normal to still grieve after only one month? Not to mention i was PMSing (for the first time ever) and getting ready for mothers day knowing i would never get to spend it with the little one i had lost. Since distancing and allowing it settle I actually feel much calmer and happier even though it hurts that they can't see it wasn't me when I broke down and said one thing wrong. So don't feel that I need therapy. How long did you take to feel normal again?

How long did you wait to try for another baby? I want to try again now but worry maybe I'm not emotionally healed enough. I get anxious that DD will be 4 soon and DH & I will be 32, it has been 7 months since we started focussing on trying and what if it happens again? For the first time I'm concerned the clock is ticking?

I realise this really long, for that I'm sorry. I'm just thankful I have this avenue to vent/write where people understand and I can be relatively anonymous. So thanks in advance.

[myturn]

Sorry you have had to deal with this hunter mum

yes 1 month is absolutely okay to be grieving!! It's a shame you feel so isolated from the people who you really need right now. I guess while we wish people could give us what we want/need sometimes that's just not possible. I hope DH is available and helping you feel okay. The space and time might be a good thing.

Right now you just need to heal. So I reckon look after yourself and your relationship with DH. When you are feeling more up to it, then, only then will it be the right time to try and repair the relationship with your sisters.

As for when to start trying, if you think you are ready then go for it. I found that it wasn't until my next period that I really started to feel aware of other people properly, and I think I was still grieving up until the supposed due date. And to be honest I grieved again on Mother's Day. My miscarriage was last August.

I really hope things sort themselves out soon and you have a new baby in your arms before you know it xox

Good luck

[Melster]

Im sorry about what happened. no one should ever have to go through it... i hope you can heal...

I dont think people truely understand unless its happened to them...and some people just cant find the words to talk about it.

I had a missed mc..i lost the baby at 6 weeks and found out at 9 weeks....i went for my scan and he told me to empty my bladder and my heart sank...i had lost my ms and my belly..but i didnt think too much about it..one night i got really bad cramps but thought i was alright.....we had to wait to have a proper scan done and i just sat there..i didnt talk to my husband...i didnt look at the screen after that..and i couldnt wait in the obs rooms....i was devistated...i had to wait quiet a few days for the d&C but in the following days i started to bleed so he did it straight away........I grieved really badly..i was quiet, sad, withdrawn, isolated....felt noone understood.....i was so sad and so obsessed with falling pregnant again....i was a nartzie and become complete obsessed about falling pregnant..the two week wait..the o...i had test sticks....pregnancy sticks.........we tried straight away and month after month i was dissapointed and still grieving..i started accupunture and i think after 5 months i fell pregnant again...the pregnancy started with bleeding etc..but my nerves were a complete mess throughout all the scans and appointments and the entire pregnancy and are still even there with this pregnancy after a healthy child............im not sure what time would have done but in ways im glad i had my DD because i think i started to heal a little bit

Good luck with you're journey

Here if you need

[TickToc]

Sorry to hear you're having a terrible time HM. You're allowed to grieve as long as you need to take to heal. Grief makes us say & do things we wouldn't normally do - that doesn't necessarily mean that you need help, it means you're crying out for support & understanding (IMO)

Please be kind to yourself xxx

[Hunter Mum]

Thank you all so much for replying.

Tick tock, that's how I feel and I have even written awesome emails to explain. I hope they never have to feel like that. I'm just going to focus on myself, DH and DD.

[Cassius2]

Grief is so complicated IMHO. There is the immediate grief, then there is the longing...I think that only one month out, you are of course still dealing with a very raw grief: your body is still maybe recovering too (waiting for cycles to return etc).

There are times where I still cry about the miscarriages I experienced (and this was before I conceived DD2) and relive them as though they only just happened. It comes and goes and is valid each time and honestly, I think it is important to be able to talk about it, but it is so hard. people either dont get the importance or just dont understand what it is like.

[TickToc]

There are times where I still cry about the miscarriages I experienced (and this was before I conceived DD2) and relive them as though they only just happened. It comes and goes and is valid each time and honestly, I think it is important to be able to talk about it, but it is so hard. people either dont get the importance or just dont understand what it is like.

Exactly Cassius - after experiencing a chem pregnancy 2 weeks ago I have been reliving the emotional distress from my previous mm/c & ectopic - and they happened 10yrs ago. The pain & longing is still very real though & as a precaution I'm booked in to see a psychologist tomorrow as DP & I want to try again ASAP but I need to clear my head & vent some of my feelings of failure & "why me??" Everything you feel HM is real because it is how you feel & no one has the right to tell you otherwise xxx

[Hunter Mum]

You have no idea how much your words mean to me, it certainly helps my healing that's for sure. Just because everyone else has moved on doesn't mean I should have. I'm so sorry for your losses too and I thank you for sharing your journeys. {{hugs to you both}}