Gifts in memory of...

[*EJ*]

I am hoping i am posting this in the right section if not please fell free to move me along. Thank you.

I am an Aunty to a beautiful little boy who passed away at 14 months of age and i have decided that each Birthday & Christmas i would make a donation in memory of him. I haven't wanted to choose one particular charity as there are so many about worthy of help.

I am curious to know if this would be seen as a resepectful, kind gesture in memory of my nephew in the eyes of a parent who has lost a child? In my heart i feel i am doing an honorable thing in memory of him but in a parents eyes is it the same?

I am a bit confused as i donated to the Starlight Foundation in memory of his Birthday this year and they had an option where i could send a card notifying someone of the donation being made. So i did this to my brother and his partner, with a message to say the donation has been made in memory of my nephews 2nd Birthday. I got a thank you from my brother but i have never had any mention of this from his partner at all. I know we could assume that she's just thinking my brother said thank you so she doesn't need to but i would have dearly loved to hear her say thank you to me also. Not in a selfish way, in a way so that i know she approves of what i'm doing for her son. I am worried that she doesn't approve of what i am trying to do.

So i would love some honest opinions on if you think this is the kind and loving gesture that i thought it was. I planned on doing this for many years.

Thanks ladies

[Spring Angel]

Firstly, I am so very sorry for the loss of your nephew

IMO this is one of the best things you can do to acknowledge and remember your darling nephew.

We have a number of close friends and family who donate to the Stillbirth foundation and it means so much to me. Every cent counts to these charities. And just think, your contribution will be helping to put a smile on a very sick kids face.

I wouldn't expect any response from her, it may still be too raw. I'd trust that if your Brother had thanked you it was on their behalf. With time she may feel strong enough to thank you out loud.

I think it is an appropriate and generous thing to do.

Spring x

[blessedatlast]

I agree with the above post.. Sorry for the loss of your nephew and it is a beautiful gesture that will be appreciated by many.. Donations close to my heart are Bonnie Babes Foundation, who have been such a support to me since the loss of my twins, Teddy Love Club and SANDS.. There are so many charities that do so much work and many have little or no government funding.. I know a couple that collect baby goods throughout the year then donate a hamper at Xmas in their angels names.. Just do what feels right for you and as I said it will be very appreciated..

[*EJ*]

Thank you so much for your replys ladies, i too am so sorry for your losses

Reading your responses gave me such a huge feeling of releif. I know i got a thank you from my brother (but he's not too good at expressing his feelings) and i was worrying that he said thank you just so as not to hurt my feelings.

I truely do feel i am doing an honorable thing for my nephew and reading your comments confirms how i feel.

I have added the foundations you have mentioned to my list of donations that i will make.

BAL i have read a book written by members of the group SANDS. I read it in the hope of being able to understand a small bit what my brother and sil may be going through. If that is even possible...

Thank you so much ladies

[rach2281]

Firstly, im so sorry for the loss of your nephew I know how hard it is not to see there smiling face or hear there laughter anymore.

Your donations are a GREAT idea!!! Honestly it really is a beautiful thing you are doing. I would be truely honured if any of my family did this for me. My charity close to my heart is SIDS Its affected my family twice now, once with my sister 21yrs ago yesterday and now my own daughter.

Im not sure, but i know with myself since losing Lilli, most days im a closed book and i express my feelings a little, but not alot. Maybe your SIL is the same?? And also being such an emtional gift, she may not want to cry in front of, iykwim. I hate crying in front of ppl, makes me feel so weak. May i ask, how long has it been since your nephew grew his wings??

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I think your idea is wonderful and very thoughtful, so sorry for the loss of your nephew!

We lost my brother to SIDS when i was 4, every year we have always purchased red noses etc and i also give to the Royal Childrens Good Friday Appeal as this is where he went.
My mum has always said one of the best gifts any of us can give is the hope that we can help find a way to stop this from happening so no-one has to go what we went through.
Our donations in his memory (no matter how big or small) are assisting in this.

I think the card they send is great, is there one particular charity that relates to what happened with your nephew? If so maybe you can donate to them each year?

[*EJ*]

Rach so so sorry to hear of your devistating loss, both a sister and a child. I had a look at your group page for Lilli and she is beautiful!! You have some amazing photos that capture your little girls smiles and cheeky looks, it is an honour for me to be able to see these photos I know SIDS is also very close to my sil's heart

My nephew passed away 12 months ago (October 08). He was born prematurely (at approx 28 weeks) due to his mum having complications with pre-eclampsia. The quality of his lungs were a constant battle for him & with having to work so hard he was susceptible to bugs. At the time of his passing he seemed to be suffering from a gastro, was severly dehydtated and i don't think his little body could fight anymore. Absolutely devistating... for all involved.

Avasmum#1 i'm so sorry to hear you lost a brother. SIDS has definately benefitted from donations received, even though it can still happen they are aware of some causes and i'm pretty sure incidents have decreased.

Since my original post my brother and sil have welcomed a new little girl!! She was born on Sunday at 29+6. Her mum had the same complications again if not more severe this time on her part. Both are now doing extremely well, babe is responding so well and it looks as though she may travel a different path to her big brother even though they have had similar beginnings. Avasmum to answer your question on a condition that is closely related to my nephew & now my neice, i'd now definately say pre-eclampsia. When i was infomred that my sil was in hospital again i googled pre-eclampsia to see what i could find out about the condition and i have found a great website that takes donations so i'm thinking of changing my initial idea and will donate to this cause each Birthday and Christmas. Plus i always donate to the Royal Childrens Hospital

Thanks so much for your imput it's greatly appreciated