Today I called the hospital because I want mine and my babies medical records.. Why? I have no idea.. Is it going to change anything? No.. But for some reason I feel like I need to.. Maybe its part of getting something else of the twins that I haven't got.. I don't know.. And to be honest I thought it would be harder to get.. All I have to do is put my request in writing and post it off with my ID and the boys birth certs certified by a JP and thats it.. I don't even have to pay..

I have been having a REALLY tough couple of weeks.. I wrote a post about it in here and lost it Anyway I had a bit of a meltdown this morning.. I cried harder than I have for a while.. You know that cry that comes right from deep in your gut, and you are actually in physical pain. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.. Why is it nearly 2 yrs on I feel like I am back to the early days.. I am not coping without my son's.. I miss them and hate that they were taken away from me.. IT"S NOT FAIR!!