I need to vent after one of the most horrible days of my life on Tuesday.
I finally accepted that my twins had died and in view of the length of time that had passed, with no bleeding or cramps or anything, (my body just didn't want to admit their passing either, it seems) it was obvious that I wasn't going to miscarry naturally.
I arrived at the hospital for a D&C at 9am as arranged. After waiting for 2 hours I was seen by an ob/gyn registrar and told him I wanted the babies tested for chromosomal abnormalities. He ended our consultation by telling me that I was irresponsible for getting pregnant at my age and that he hoped it wouldn't happen again. I was disgusted at his attitude and told him that his job was not to pass judgement on me but to offer me the best medical treatment available. If I was still able to get pregnant then it was my business if I did so. To his credit he did apologise for his ill considered words. He then said he would be doing the procedure later in the day. I was worried all day that he would take my uterus out or something to teach me a lesson..i know it was stupid of me but I was so sad and scared on my own there waiting for my babies to be taken from me.
About 1pm I was admitted to the day surgery unit where at least I had a private room with a tv. I was given a dose of misoprostol to soften my cervix as it was still tightly closed. i was so glad i was in a private room as about 20 mins later after some bad cramping I felt a wetness and the amniotic fluid then just gushed out of me. I was inconsolable and sobbed to think that instead of it meaning a birth was about to happen, it meant that my babies were really leaving me. No one had told me this would happen and it was a horrible shock.
I waited in that room until 4.15 then was taken to theatre, where I waited till 5 before they did the procedure. I felt so exposed under those lights and all those people who didnt know me and didnt really care. Also, all the theatre staff were male, including the nurses, and this upset me too, I wasn't comfortable at all with no females there and me in such a vulnerable position.
i finally got home about 8pm, took 2 panadeine forte and cried myself to sleep.
I'm still crying now. I feel so empty without them. The glow has gone from my face already.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. I feel a bit better.
It seems that at the moment, I can still get pregnant, I just can't keep them. I think I have one more attempt left in me and if the next one has the same terrible outcome then I will have to accept that I will not be able to have another child. I don't think I could go through this whole heart breaking experience too many more times.
I am so thankful for my son. I look at him and cry when I think what a miracle he is and how lucky I am to have him. I don't know what sort of state I would be in if he wasn't here with me.
It's lucky women are so strong cause geezus we have to put up with a lot.
Last edited by rottfren; April 30th, 2009 at 02:29 AM.
So very sorry for the loss of your twins. Sending you big . How irresponsible of the doctor to say such a thing, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your twins will forever be close to your heart. Look after yourself.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to go through something as heart wrenching and soul shattering as losing not one but two babies.
I'm so incredibly sorry and i hope your doing ok now.
*Hugs!*
Last edited by MistyFying; May 3rd, 2009 at 05:37 PM.
: removing ticker in M&L forums
I can't believe that doctor turned what was already a horrible experience into a complete and utter disaster!
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful twins.
xxx
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious twins, and also to hear of how awfully your Doctor treated you at such a distressing time.
I admire you for letting the Doctor know he was wrong to pass such a judgement and hence apologising. It doesn't make up for it in any way, but it may just make him think before he speaks to future patients.
What a jerk of a Dr, i hope that you do concieve again, and you go on to have a beautiful child who will be loved and cherished.
I know there are a few ladies on here who are if you dont mind me saying around your age and who have had multiple m/c and have gone on to have the successfull pregnancy they so desperately wanted.When you get your genetic results back I would look into seeing a good Dr. (ie not the tool who was so very very rude) about some medications that can help you grow your babies...
Thank you all for your support and concern. It is a comfort to know that there is somewhere I can come to talk about what is happening to me and everyone understands.
This second miscarriage and the horrible experience I had with the doctors and the D&C has really hit me hard, and at the moment I'm not coping too well at all. I'm constantly cold and dizzy and sick in my stomach and my head is pounding. At times I feel like I'm not even in my own body, if that makes any sense? i'm usually very strong and in control and these feelings that I'm having are very alien to me and frighten me.
Any miscarriage is a terrible thing to experience but to lose two little souls has really shattered me, more than I thought possible. In my mind I keep seeing them on the ultrasound and it breaks my heart to think what could have been. I can't help thinking they were my last chance.
They were due on my birthday. Every birthday I have now for the rest of my life will just be a reminder of their absence.
I am so sorry rottfren, it is really hard to cope with the loss. And I am sorry the doctor was so rude also. Day by day things will eventually ease...but it takes time, so be gentle with yourself and feel what you feel
It is such a raw, heartbreaking time when you are waiting for a D&C you dont want to have, and it is very disheartning to read your registrars comments, and that there was not a woman in the room to hold your hand as you went under.
You may be having some post traumatic shock, you have been through so much over the last few weeks, I really hope you have someone who can help you with your grieving process, and perhaps you could contact a counsellor to deal with your pain, as you deserve so much care and understanding right now.
Just wanted to say hugs babe.im sorry that dr was so horrid,
next time you get a bfp be more forceful with the drs about getting those tests done so you can do somethingabout it sooner and so this hopefully doesnt happen again
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A horrible day
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