Lisa,
I am so sorry for your loss. Many of us here on BB know how this loss hurts to the soul, and I am sure you will find much support for the things you are going through.
The pain doesn't go away I'm afraid, 4 months later and with another baby finally brewing, I still want the one back that I lost, but I'm healing slowly.
How lovely that you ask your Da to watch Zac, and I'm sure he will.

The wya I got through it was to drink an awful lot of wine for a few weeks. Felt bloody good!!! A few nasty hangovers, but it was the way I needed to get through it.

Maybe something like this - exercise, some alone time, or even a holiday will help you. I hope your family will also be some help for you, and your children help you realise how much love you have to share.

Please dont be afraid to ask for help from all of us.
Fi