I am not sure of the exact details, but my friend has just told me that she has lost her baby girl at 26 weeks pregnant. Her baby was born still after what was a completely healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy so it was a massive shock, and she is rightly devastated.
My question is; i obviously want to support her through this terrible time in her life but im really unsure how to go about it. She lives in another state to me, so i unfortunately cant be there for her physically.
Ive sent her flowers with a few words of sympathy, and have told her that im always here to lend an ear, but i feel like that isnt enough... any other suggestions on what i can say/do?
So sorry for your friend . What did she call her baby? Let her talk without trying to lead the convo in a particular direction, and where possible, acknowledge the baby by name.
Maybe a few more phone calls than you would normally make? Get a gift voucher for a massage or facial, send a care package with some things to nurture her mind, body and soul with like some bath oil, a heat pack, eye mask, a cd of new world music? and some chocolate!
A friend of mine went into prem labour at 23.5weeks. The baby lived for 90mins outside the womb. Incompetent cervix. My friend wanted to talk about her baby girl (this was 9 months after it happened mind you) to me so I asked her questions and acknowledged her baby by name and she honestly found it therapeutic to talk about.
Another friend lost her baby at 22 weeks due to severe birth defects. An email at work went round from our manager saying under no circumstances were we to speak about it to her. It's been over a year since it happened and it's hardly been mentioned.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that each person will handle it differently and time plays an important role in a persons ability to get through it and be able to speak about it, come to terms with it.
I'm sure whatever happens your friend will appreciate your kindness and love. You're a lovely friend
I lost my daughter to stillbirth (unexplained) at 41 weeks.
It is great when people bring her up in conversation and the friends I still have were people who kept in touch gently with the odd helpful phonecall and regular emails that were sensitive. One ex-friend sent annoying emails with ridiculous suggestions about going to movies and whinging about her life only days after I lost my baby!.....not helpful.
I reckon you are on the money with sending flowers and the card. If you can talk to her you might find she has an emblem or notion that means something to her in terms of her precious baby. Perhaps butterflies, a certain type of bird, little angels a type of flower etc. My friend who lives interstate sent me a beautiful glass angel which has pride of place next to my daughters photo in the living room.
The other thing that is helpful is noticing the day/date in a meaningful way. Send her a card/message telling her you thought of her little one a month or two months on. I had one good friend contact me on the 13th of the month for 6 months after my daughter passed away.
Using the babies name is important and if she's up to talking then listening to her birth story (like you do with other mothers of live children) is also really important.
Several of my friends send flowers on my little girls B'day and one made a special teddybear for her first b'day. These same people also include her name on cards etc.
Good luck, it can be a minefield, honesty and apologies if you do muck it up are the best things. The people I don't contact anymore are ones who made totally stupid comments then tried to justify their stupidity instead of just saying sorry.
Hang in there and just do your best
Just reassuring your friend that you are there to support her no matter how upsetting the problem will be enough for now. She is going to need ppl around her that can make themselves available when needed in the darkest of hours. Huge condolences to your friend and her family. So sad. xx
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- On the West Coast beach using DP's iPhone :-)
Reply With Quote. What did she call her baby? Let her talk without trying to lead the convo in a particular direction, and where possible, acknowledge the baby by name.
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how do i best support her?
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