I smile and feel my heart being ripped out. Recently a friends husband told me they were ttc, my friend would die if she knew but I am close to them both. I am ashamed to admit at first I hoped and hoped they wouldn't get pregnant. How awful and selfish of me, even my DH went"oh no" when I told him. A few days later I am ok, but I know if they get BFP before we do I will be devastated.

I have avoided people, fake smiled, cried my heart out looking at facebook, been angry sad depressed etc.....

So moral is nothing prepares you, nothing makes it easier but its ok to work through it however you need to.