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Thread: How do you support someone through a miscarriage

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    Default How do you support someone through a miscarriage

    Hi All



    I got some very very sad news last night My best friend txted me from hospital....she was 9 weeks pregnant, (the baby was her 2nd, she has a 18 month old son), shes had a rollercoaster of 9 weeks...was told she was pregnant, then wasnt, then was....and now yesterday she lost the battle and lost the baby....

    I feel for her so much, such a sad sad time, especially given then last 9 weeks things werent going well from the start.

    I'm still TTC #1 and while I can imagine what shes going through Im sure that its no where close to the reality of it.

    So I'm just hoping that maybe someone who has been through it could give me some advice for how to be there for her? I'm worried that I might say or do the wrong thing that would make things worse for her

  2. #2

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    The best advice I have to give you, is just be there for her when she needs it....I know with me when I went thru it all I shut everyone out and deal with it myself, I don't like people being in my face and asking if I'm alright all the time.

    Sending your bestfriend heaps of hugs, it will be a rollercoaster ride still for her so just let her take her time. If you need anymore help you can PM me sweety

  3. #3

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    Just be there with her. Let her cry or rage or be silent or whatever, without comment, without judgement and without thinking about how uncomfortable you are being there. Just be there.

    There are no comments that help. "I'm so sorry for your loss" is pretty much it. Anything like, "it's nature's way", "at least you won't be heavily pregnant in Summer", "you'll be able to try again" etc are just awful to hear. She's lost a child and she shouldn't feel like she ever needs to "get over it". She'll probably blame herself. Just hold her through it. It's not her fault, but she'll need time to accept that for herself.

    Accept she probably won't be able to deal with pregnant women, baby shops, prams in the street etc for a long time. Tell her you're there for her however long it takes. You'll notice she'll start feeling better, then crash again, then up, then down... it's normal.

  4. #4

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    Thank you both very much.

    She is normally a tough lil cookie who likes to deal with things on her own, I expected her to be quiet over the next few days but then shell call me when shes ready....but in saying that I dont want to just sit back and wait for her to call me. I tried to call her yesterday but no answer so i just sent her a text and said that I was thinking of her and let her know that I cared for her and that I was here for her.

    I'll leave her be today but I'll try again tomorrow as its her birthday.

    Yeah Tashy Thats what i thought too, there are no comments that will make anything better. But thanks so much for ur help

  5. #5

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    It really does depend on how she chooses to deal with it, as to how much you can actively help her, as others have said. For me, what was important, was the support I got in the months after, because it felt like alot of people were initially there and comforting, but after a few weeks they just faded away. Understandable as they have their own lives to get on with, but I was still very much inside my own head and heart. The best phonecall I got was about 6 weeks after, when a GF rang and said 'hi, how much does today suck?' and I just so appreciated that she knew it hadn't just all gone away even though time had passed. I hope where I'm coming from is making sense!

    Thinking of your friend, and you too

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