Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #4

**Lily Dust** · September 22nd, 2012, 08:21 PM

Have you suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss and are looking for others to talk to who are in a similar situation? Are you looking for understanding and support? If so, this is the place for you.

This thread is designed to help you through the tough times....whether you have recently suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, or if it was some time ago. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on how you remember your angels on special occasions and anniversaries.

Whether your loss was recent or not, it can really help to share your thoughts and to know that you are not alone in this journey.

Please note that there is a separate forum for Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss and Pregnancy after Miscarriage and Loss and we have monthly threads available to all members which we encourage you to join.

Following on from HERE

**smamfa** · September 24th, 2012, 06:30 PM

Hi girls,

Well it is another chem for me. The test lines didn't get any darker and I had my blood drawn today (4 weeks) and hcg is only 16.

I guess that is good because I knew the preg wasn't going to be viable, but I thought it might be an early mc rather than a chem (cos the lines were more definite than with my other chems), and at least that means it shouldn't muck me round for too long. I tend to be quite fertile after a chem too. (that is me looking on the so-called bright side...)

I am getting all of the recurrent mc tests done on thursday. This is my 4th mc (or chem) in a row (this year!), and my 5th overall. O.O How did I get to be a person who has had *5* failed pregnancies? Really, how did that happen?

Alison - best not to follow in my footsteps this month afterall chicky! (I hope you get your own REAL bfp this month - how's that going?)

Rach83 · September 24th, 2012, 06:52 PM

I'm sorry to hear your news smamfa. You sound to be in a good headspace about it all though and I hope the tests give you some answers and you can follow it up with a beautiful pregnancy.
Huge hugs lovely.

**myturn** · September 24th, 2012, 10:00 PM

so sorry smamfa

what a journey you have had this year... I wish it was easier for you hun, and I really am so so sorry xoxox

**smamfa** · September 24th, 2012, 10:32 PM

thanks Rach and myturn xx

**Alison1973** · September 28th, 2012, 04:09 PM

Hi Smamfa - Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Gosh I can't believe it mate I'm really really sorry. I had 2 chems last year, got BFP's on the POAS and then a day later bleeding. What exactly is the difference between an chem and early m/c? I just assumed a chem was where it fertilized but didnt implant is that right? What are you going to do now, you're not having any fertility treatment are you?? When you test get them to check your progesterone - as it is sounding very much what happens to me. I cannot sustain a pregnancy without supplmentation, you may be the same. I hope next month is yours sweetie. xxxx

AFM - I'm struggling, I hate this waiting game, I'm on edge every day, every cramp, every back ache, every twinge I expect bleeding to follow, I am not testing until Tuesday now because Monday is a public holiday here grrr - if I even make it that far anyway. Every other non pregnant cycle I've had on progesterone I've never lasted to testing day. The only positive I can find at the moment is that I am 12dpo today which is the longest luteal phase I've had in a long time so at least I know the progesterone is keeping AF away long enough if egg was to fertilize. I had bloods done Tuesday to check my levels and my progesterone was looking perfect, so that's a good start to know the supplements are doing their job. The nurse did tell me if I was to get pregnant I'd be upped to 3 a day, why they don't just do that anyway because given my past history I have found on pregnant cycles by the time they up me from 2 to 3 it's too bloomin late. This journey and process just sucks for people like us, I don't get how people can just TTC/get pregnant and not have anything to worry about. I wish!!!

**Peace** · September 28th, 2012, 08:31 PM

Hi Everyone,

Im brand new to the forum and not sure if im in the right place...

My Partner and I have been TTC for a few months are experiencing our first miscarriage. I have seen that they happen so often and seem to be quite common in early pregnancy, I just didnt think it would happen to me. Its shattering and so hard and I just feel so disappointed in my body. I tried so hard to look after myself and be as healthy as I could but couldnt prevent it happening. I only had my first obstetrician appt yesterday and saw out little implanted egg on the screen and was told everything looked great. How quickly that can change...

The OB has said we can try again straight away so hopefully the bleeding doesnt go on for too long. Its awful seeing it happen infront of me and not being able to make it stop.

It feels a bit better being able to write it all out because sometimes its hard to say out loud. Its hard talking to our families about it because i feel somewhat shamed as silly as that sounds.

And smamfa I'm sorry to read of your losses. I hope you can have your happy pregnancy soon.

**Peace** · September 29th, 2012, 05:42 PM

Thankyou for your kind words ladies.
How long until it will become a bit lighter? Day 1 was light to moderate and then painfully heavy at night and today is day 2 and it's so heavy all day. I just want it to be a little bit lighter so I don't have to be so uncomfortable. Plus I can't leave the house because I can't be away from a bathroom

It seems like so much blood - I end up feeling faint, dizzy and nauseous.
My goodness I wouldn't wish this upon my very worst enemy.

**Alison1973** · October 1st, 2012, 03:12 PM

Hi Preggoeggo, so sorry you have to join this thread

I've had a few miscarriages but the last 2 I had to have D&C's so the bleeding is not overly heavy, just like a normal light-moderate period but my bleeding did last a good week so you may find the same, it depends how far along you were too I think. Just keep an eye on it, if you're not feeling well with it either I would be checking back in with the GP/OB. I hope you feel ok soon, it's not a nice thing to experience.

**Peace** · October 1st, 2012, 09:25 PM

Hi Alison,
Sorry to hear of your losses. Going through several would just be awful. I don't think I truly understood the heart ache until I experienced it myself. Im doing much better. It was particularly bad for about 24hrs where it was so heavy I couldn't stand without feeling like I would faint. Anyway it's day 4 now and it's just brown spotting so hopefully it's nearly all over. I've got an ache (sorry tmi) right up in my vagina and cervix so hopefully that passes soon too.
I see the OB in a few weeks again X

**smamfa** · October 8th, 2012, 03:00 PM

Welcome preggoeggo, sorry you have to join us here it is a **** thing to go through. I hope it is not long before you are utd again, it can happen quite quickly after a mc (seems to for me). I'm not sure how far along you were but you might get the spotting for a while. I had a few cycles that were a bit wacky afterwards but that is very normal. Hugs for you.

Alison - you were talking about the difference between a chem and an early mc - with a chem it *does* implant - or start to, or implant partially at least as that is how you get the hcg, but in my mind the difference is with a chem my hcg seems to be already going down again by 14dpo when af should arrive, whereas with a mc it can keep going up for a while. I'm sure that is not the technical definition but that is what it seems like to me. By 14dpo my hpt are usually lighter and definitely not darker with a chem. I also kinda think of a chem as being earlier than 5 weeks but would class as an early mc anything after that. But as I say, that is just what my head thinks. I've gone an d had a big bunch of blood tests so we will see if they have anything interesting to say. My progesterone has always been very good the times they've tested it so ????

**Peace** · October 10th, 2012, 08:17 PM

Welcome preggoeggo, sorry you have to join us here it is a **** thing to go through. I hope it is not long before you are utd again, it can happen quite quickly after a mc (seems to for me). I'm not sure how far along you were but you might get the spotting for a while. I had a few cycles that were a bit wacky afterwards but that is very normal. Hugs for you.

Alison - you were talking about the difference between a chem and an early mc - with a chem it *does* implant - or start to, or implant partially at least as that is how you get the hcg, but in my mind the difference is with a chem my hcg seems to be already going down again by 14dpo when af should arrive, whereas with a mc it can keep going up for a while. I'm sure that is not the technical definition but that is what it seems like to me. By 14dpo my hpt are usually lighter and definitely not darker with a chem. I also kinda think of a chem as being earlier than 5 weeks but would class as an early mc anything after that. But as I say, that is just what my head thinks. I've gone an d had a big bunch of blood tests so we will see if they have anything interesting to say. My progesterone has always been very good the times they've tested it so ????

Hi Smamfa,

Thankyou and same to you if you are currently TTC

My understanding of a Chemical Pregnancy is an egg that is fertilised and implanted, but never grows into an embryo. So if it spontaneosly miscarrys before it grows enough to have a heartbeat, it is classified as Chem. Thats what was explained to me anyhow but as I see when i google it, there are many different ideas of what it is. Not that it matters either way - from the moment I saw those positive tests it was a baby to me.

xx

**optimist** · March 14th, 2013, 06:17 PM

Hello,

sorry to hear your stories. It helps a lot to read what you've been through and similar thoughts about m/c. I hadn't been pregnant before and went through a 10 weeks m/c about 3 weeks ago.

It's too soon to consider getting preggo again but I find the big things I'm progressing through are:
- managing anaemia (eating well and regaining energy - this is the easy bit!)
- releasing tension from the physical and emotional pain of m/c (doing yoga at the moment but sometimes I just feel like crying out loud)
- wanting to share the experience with women who have been through a similar experience (because close friends don't necessarily understand)

Like Preggoeggo it was an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. It was horrible. Contractions, big clots, abortion pill to clean uterus, artifical contractions were the worst. There is not much information out there - I wasn't aware it was like a birth. Blood loss, etc. Sugar helped!!! And the ambos when I almost passed out.

Too much information but I hope others might read this and identify with the experience. Better spoken about than hidden!

Regaining fitness - wanting to travel and see something other than my hometown - this is my reaction to the whole experience funnily enough.

Thanks for listening

**Peace** · March 14th, 2013, 06:24 PM

Welcome optimist and I'm so sorry for your loss. We wanted to get away after our loss too and we did. We took off up the coast for the weekend and it helped some. I hope you find the strength to heal and hopefully try again xx

**optimist** · March 14th, 2013, 06:36 PM

thanks - helps so much to have supportive words. haha yes I did have a weekend on the coast but that wasn't enough! still want to get away completely, must be flight or fight syndrome.

Healing is the best way to look at it. Might go do something creative. Paint a picture or something :-) It'll take time ....

**diannescruffy** · March 14th, 2013, 08:04 PM

Sorry once again for your loss

. I found talking about my loss was what helped me through the grieving process, it's hard going through all different emotions but please know it's ok, let yourself grieve, it's so important.

Regards,
Dianne

**diannescruffy** · March 16th, 2013, 06:13 AM

Just sending you some hugs optimist

.

Regards,
Dianne

**optimist** · March 18th, 2013, 06:51 PM

Dianne

Oh thanks for the hugs and sympathy. It's amazing being in touch with people who have been through it before. Sorry I didn't respond earlier - I don't have a smart phone and enjoy being outdoors. This weekend spoke to a girlfriend who'd been through an abortion. It's only the people who have experienced a similar event who really understand what it's like, like you.

Others mean well but have no idea of the legit grief or depth of feeling women have for babies who aren't born yet. That's what I'm finding anyway.

... Thanks! ahh a monastery on the top of a hill in China would be great right now (to have my own space I mean)....