You are human - we don't all follow the same emotional curve
I've been waiting for this, so please just feel it and allow it to do its thing, and when the feeling begins to fade then let it go till it comes back in, like the waves of an outgoing tide lapping at the shoreline.
It feels like there has been so much loss this year, for some reason, and it's really hard to read about - and what good's a community if you just skip to the happy bits? So, I follow some of the losses that are closer to me and feel a bit of what's happening, knowing that I can never know just what you're going through, even if I'd suffered a loss of my own - cos we're all in unique circumstances where our babies mean something different and something quite significant in a tailored way. Not sure I"m making much sense in the wee hours, just so you know that I have thought of you and shared just a little bit of your loss
Sadley there are more of us here that understand than we'd like! Yes ofcourse it was you baby and with that your dream! Its one of the worst thing that can ever happen to a person, and sadly it takes a life time to get over!
How will you TTC and be pregnant... One day at a time and a lot of support from the girls here on BB! No pregnancy will ever be the same again but its not all bad and you know, even though there are days where you think you cant breathe from the pressure of it all...it is worth it to find the strength to go again!
So sorry you are facing this journey, no one ever asks to walk it but you are not alone! Now or ever
Ohh my dear Amanda, I know only to well the sadness that your feeling. I never thought that I would be able to move on, and TBH in parts I still havent. It really does take a life time as Tanstar said. As for becoming pg again, its a strange feeling of completeness and the feeling of not being able to breathe leaves andyou end up with all the emotions of fear, anxiousness etc all mixed into one. Im not going to say you wont be going to the loo every second and holding your breathe each time hoping and praying not to see the dreaded spotting etc, as you more likely will keep checking. Im also not going to say that the thought of an u/s send shivers throughout your body, as the fear of getting told something is wrong again raises it ugly head, yet the powerful emotion of seeing that flickering HB on the screen brings relief. Once you feel that bub move and hear the little HB etc the anxiousness will slowly start to disappear and some joy will replace it. The fear though will more likely still be there, but it will lessen up until your bub is in your arms.
I have to wonder why I put myself through the stress of pgcy, but it is the driving force of having that precious little prize at the end. Your bub in arms. Somehow at the end of it all, to have your bub in arms everything you go through inbetween makes it all worthwhile, itms. Yet your lost angels will always and forever be apart of you and will be with you always never to be forgotten. TBH, I too have been waiting for this from you.
If you ever want to chat hun, you know where I am. Loads of hugs
Last edited by csab; August 12th, 2010 at 10:06 AM.
Thank you all you have made me all cry again, lol.
I think I've been avoiding BB...but I think I should have been leaning more on everyone instead of putting on a happy face like I'm fine and nothing is wrong.
Maya you made perfect sense to me
Cheryl you are a very strong person, I only hope that when the time comes again that I can be as strong as you.
Everyone else thanks again for your very kind words and hugs.
Thats what were here for Amanda, I dont know where I would be if not for finding BB when I had my MC, it was only here that I found acceptance and understanding that was all too lacking in my real life.
Dont be afraid to let it out, write down how you feel, vent away, we will listen and be here to hold you up when it all gets to much. xxx
Last edited by STARRYSKY; August 12th, 2010 at 10:43 AM.
Amanda, you know when you do find yourself in the position of being pg again, somehow throughout all the uncertainty the strength comes. I think mainly it is the protective side. As you know when we lose we feel like we have failed our little ones, that we should have protected them more, yet in reality it isnt in our hands. It still doesnt stop us from blaming ourselves and our bodies.
You will find the strength hun, and in the rough difficult times especially at the very beginning when we have no idea on whats happening you will have us to lean on. If only you knew what a nutcase I was at the very beginning this time and all the other times after my m/c's. Crazy insane woman.
You may find too that you dont want to get attached to your bub at the beginning as you want to protect yourself as well from all the heartbreak, yet no matter what you do or dont do, you will still be very much attached. Thats just us hiding the love we have already for the little one, trying to keep ourselves strong and to show everyone else around us that we are fine, when really deep inside we are going crazy with worry.
You know we will all be here for you when the time comes, as well as now. You dont need to go through this alone. hugs
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