No-one told me that your milk could come in even at this gestation.
Today mine has started to come in. I hate to use the word horrified...but part of me is. The other part is proud that her, my body, works just as she should.
Since the birth, my breasts have been the hardest thing to look at. Their full-ness. Those veiny blue lines. The darkened nipples. All the signs of pregnancy. All the signs of a baby. And now there is milk.
All I want is to be able to latch a tiny little mouth to those nipples and nourish that baby with love and liquid gold.
I am so sorry for the losses many of you have suffered.
When Ellen died at 41 weeks I had already expressed a bit of milk in case she needed it in an emergency situation (I have high allergy levels to a lot of meds)
It was a sad day when I told mum to throw away that frozen milk a week or so after the funeral.
I asked about donating milk and was more or less laughed at by the midwives. I thought it might have been one positive thing to come from Ellen's passing.
I had very little advice about what to do to stop my milk and I was told the meds didn't help but only held off the time you had to dry up.
I had no midwife support after my baby died and I was in terrible pain from my breasts. I didn't want to complain because I didn't want anyone to worry more about things.
When my breasts get full now as I'm feeding my son it brings back scary memories.
I wish there was better systems for helping women who have stillborn babies.
Ellen was my first baby and I just didn;t know anything
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