Lost?

[Maruschke]

I don't know why but tonight this phrase is really annoying me. I didn't lose my baby, as if I put it down and cannot find the baby. The baby died. It feels so... detached, unemotional, lack-of-recognition-ish to say the baby was "lost".

I understand people say that when adults die, "We lost Dad" etc, but it seems like it is avoiding the awful truth, refusing to vocalise it, maybe saying "lost" feels safer emotionally than "died".

I am not offended by others who use the term, just thinking it through myself. My baby isn't lost and can't be "found" . It died.

Just my personal musings.

[Keta]

Thinking of you

[snikkers1]

Thinking of you xo
Don't be embarrased hun, we are all entitled to our thoughts and feelings and sometimes different terms etc can bring up varying emotions in each of us... I agree with you the term probably feels safer emotionally for a lot of people and is a socially acceptable term I guess?

As I said your entitled to your opinion and of working through your emotions how you need to hun and if you don't like to use that term, then you don't have to. Take Care.

[Lily Dust]

Marushke, I know exactly what you mean. I hated that term too. I wonder if it makes it easier for others to acknowledge it to you that way? Yes, you are right your baby had passed and I am so so sorry for that

[forshelby]

I understand. I avoid the phrase when I talk about my mc.

[Maruschke]

Thanks for understanding. Battling a lack of recognition from my family right now, which might be driving these thoughts.

[NaeNae]

Battling a lack of recognition from my family right now

oh yeah just wanted to say ...... its not about them hun, its what you recognise. They don't have an emotional connection to your angels,they did not go through it. Its unfair of you to expect them to recognise something that was "not real" in terms of their connection to your angels. This is something that is hard to come to terms with, it happened to you not to them. Feel blessed that at least YOU have been touched by their little lives and will forever hold them in your heart.

They can share your DD and any future children you have, but your special little angels are yours and yours alone

[LionsandBears]

I hate the term too. I feel like "losing" one is forgetful, two is negligent and what kind of mother does that then make me? I did not "lose" my babies either. I say they died or passed away.

As for recognition. I dont understand why people insist on denial. It makes it about them and their lack. How hard is it really just to acknowledge someone's grief and let them be, let them feel? You know how important your baby is. I wish your family was more supportive for you.

[Tegam]

Totally agree. It makes you feel that they are saying you weren't careful?what you lost your baby?

Hugs

[NaeNae]

I hate the term "lost" or "loss" for the same reason, it somehow implies that something can be found.

But really what else is there to say...

I do prefer to say I have 4 angels, or I have had 6 pregnancies. This still gets the message across without using the word "loss".

However I will say Loss or Losses when I am talking to a GP,Ob or MW.

family can really be insensative twats at times. FWIW when I told my mother I wanted to plant something in memory of my little angels she said "no thats not a healthy thing to do I mean they weren't really babies, you weren't really pregnant, and you didn't really loose a pregnacy they were just cells" ..... she then went on about how she had a few late periods that were a little heavier and a little more painful then her regular periods *insert profanity*


people have no idea how damaging and lasting their words can be

Nae x

[Lisa]

I don't like it either. I hated that by saying "I lost my baby" or people saying "Lisa lost her baby" it felt as though EVERYTHING was my fault and I was the reason it happened. Now, I just find it easy to say it, sadly.