Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #2

Hi Girls!

Chepie - I'm so sorry for you, that must have been a super hard day, my heart breaks for you. xx

Diamond Girl - I'm sorry to you also for your BFN, I can only imagine what that feels like, guess I'll be there myself again soon enough. Sending you some sticky vibes for next month xx

How is everyone else going???

AFM - well, yesterday AF arrived, Day 23 since my D&C, I have to say I was rather shocked she came back so soon, but at the same time with my progesterone issues my cycles are always 22/23 days and yep, Day 22 I started spotting and bang yesterday she hit, I have to say, it's very heavy too, is this a normal thing after a D&C?! So I rang the OB to check it's definitely ok to start treatment as I felt it was too soon but she is happy for me to continue. She said if I'm ready then go for it. Well, that's the magical question isn't it, in all honesty I'm not feeling ready, but will I ever now, after 3 miscarriages when can you relax and take the ride casually, never! With my egg count so low I don't feel like I'm in a position to be wasting months so here we go again! So we're doing 2 "timed intercourse" cycles and if nothing's happened we're doing IUI. Got Heparin injections and Prednisolone on top of the usual aspirin and progesterone etc., so it's going to be a fun month, not. Also, ironically my test results from the D&C came through yesterday as well, weird.........after all that it wasn't anything to do with my hormonal issues/treatment, it was a bloomin chromosome thing, Trisomy 16, she said it's a common reason for miscarriage in the first tri and has nothing to do with my age (thank goodness), just unlucky - yeah well no offence lady but unlucky is my middle name lately! Oh, and she asked if I'd like to know the sex and I said yes.....it was a little girl. So, putting myself out there for more hurt, but what can I do but try and try again!

:hug: for everyone.

Today a close friend of mine told me she is pregnant. We'll call her A. I am beyond thrilled for her. She knows about my first mc, but not the most recent one. I decided not to talk to her about it just now as I didn't want to rain on the parade. But, that familiar pang of "I should be too" hit me. Unexpectedly. And then our other close friend 'B' (one of the three amigos as we were when we were all at work lol) called to see if I'd heard the news. She told me that she told A about my chem. Now I feel bad vicariously... because although I didn't share the news myself, it's sure to dampen her spirits. :( I have no issue with A sharing my latest crap news with B, we are like sisters. But I still feel sad that there was anything to discuss at all. Last time A was pg, I was still in the throes of coming to terms with my first mc. History repeats itself, eh?

I don't know why I'm going on about this, just wanted to vent I suppose. I'm 90% happy for her, 10% sad for me. That's a pretty healthy ratio, right?

Anyway DP and I got to talking, and he says although money is tight, when I am ready we might as well go for it. Afterall, life's too short. We'll get by like we always do. He must be really clucky himself because he even agreed to try for a third in the same breath :rofl:. This is from Mr No kids, ever.... who turned into no MORE kids ever...... who is now Ok, two more. If I wasn't having some issues with his sporadic lack of support and selfishness, I would be throwing my BCP in the bin right now. But I would rather wait until I have got it through his head that I need his support always, not just when he's had a good day. That's important to me. I struggle now. Imagine me hormonal and pg, or then with 2 littlies driving me bonkers. I would probably smack him with a frying pan lol.

Ok, rambling now. It's been a weird day. I'm glad it's over. :hug: to all my kindred spirits in here.

Hi Ladies

DiamondGirl - :hug:. Your so not a mental case. I'm really sorry for the BFN. It's just another reminder of where we are again.

Foreshelby - :hug: to you as well. That is a good ratio. You'll always have the pang. I think that's normal. You are a great friend and I'm sure she knows it. I hope your DP keeps up the happy mood. Men!

Alison - I think you have a good plan in store. I think if your not really ready but will try anyway that your plan sounds perfect. Good luck.

AFM - We saw FS yesterday and I'm on BCP until 26th March when hopefully AF will arrive shortly after. I'll start synarel on day 8 of BCP. So we will have EPU in April. I'd say around the middle some time. I'll be on 180iu of Puregon which is a bit higher than last time. But whatever works. We're doing a down reg cycle.

Hi Forshelby - that is a totally natural reaction and I think you handled it really well, hugs that it's your turn next xx

Hi Porsche - have been wondering how your appointment went, you've probably told me before but I've forgotten, how come you have to take the BCP, has your period not returned on it's own? Also, was it you telling me you were taking the Prednisolone? I am really nervous about taking it, everything I read says it suppresses your immune system, does this mean you can pick up any bug going around? If so I'm not taking it, I need to be healthy right now! I'm only on 5mg so maybe it's not enough to make much of a difference, I still don't see the point of taking this, my issue is clearly progesterone deficiency (besides this latest miscarriage) so why am I taking this. I know they are throwing stuff at me but really is it all necessary! Had my first Clexane shot last night, DH did it for me, I can't bring myself to do it yet, didn't hurt going in but it stung for a bit afterwards. He's only given me enough for 20 days so I don't know if it means once I ovulate that will be it? I am hating all these drugs and things I really am. Have to call the naturopath as I've heard so many people talk about the success of chinese herbs etc while doing treatment, depending on the cost I might give it a go.

:

---

Hi Forshelby - that is a totally natural reaction and I think you handled it really well, hugs that it's your turn next xx

Hi Porsche - have been wondering how your appointment went, you've probably told me before but I've forgotten, how come you have to take the BCP, has your period not returned on it's own? Also, was it you telling me you were taking the Prednisolone? I am really nervous about taking it, everything I read says it suppresses your immune system, does this mean you can pick up any bug going around? If so I'm not taking it, I need to be healthy right now! I'm only on 5mg so maybe it's not enough to make much of a difference, I still don't see the point of taking this, my issue is clearly progesterone deficiency (besides this latest miscarriage) so why am I taking this. I know they are throwing stuff at me but really is it all necessary! Had my first Clexane shot last night, DH did it for me, I can't bring myself to do it yet, didn't hurt going in but it stung for a bit afterwards. He's only given me enough for 20 days so I don't know if it means once I ovulate that will be it? I am hating all these drugs and things I really am. Have to call the naturopath as I've heard so many people talk about the success of chinese herbs etc while doing treatment, depending on the cost I might give it a go.

---

Alison - I was told by another of FS's patients that the prednisone is to help boost your immune system for FET. But I'm not 100% sure on that. You should see all the stuff I take before EPU and after EPU & ET. I litterally rattle when I walk lol.

I'm on BCP because AF still hasn't arrive (the witch) and my dildo cam revealed that my ovaries are very quiet. So AF is wayyyy off. Who knows when she'll arrive? This way using BCP my levels will level out and we can time AF.

I found the clexane injections were the worst. Big bruises etc.... When are you planing your TF?

Hi ladies how is everyone going?

Hi Porsche - ha ha ha dildo cam, that make me laugh so much, I'm going to think of that when I go in for my next ultrasound in a week to check my ovaries. I'm just doing a timed intercourse cycle again, because my issue is not falling pregnant but staying pregnant they are trying the Clexane and Prednisolone just in case I guess. As far as I know after 2 cycles of this if nothing's happened it's IUI, not sure what the point of that is either as I am getting pregnant relatively easily on my own but I'll give anything a go. OMG the bruising is hideous, how do you find room, I'm going to run out soon, I have a little bit of a tummy but how on earth do people with flat stomachs handle this?! I'm not sure I'm keen to do this again next month, finding out the most recent miscarriage was due to Trisomy 16 has made me think that perhaps the progesterone and aspirin treatment on it's own was enough. But, like I said I'll give it a shot this month and see how I feel. AF is just about finished for me so I guess I'll be heading into ovulation later this week/next weekend, providing everything works the way it should! I hope the BCP's hurry up and do their job so you can get moving!

Hi Chepie, how are you going?

How is everyone else going? xx

Just found out a friend of mine who has had many miscarriages and feels the same way I do.....is pregnant. Yesterday I was telling Professor that I'm not sane enough to have children, and I was completely fine with that. Today I feel like I've been stabbed, and I feel awful that I'm angry at her for leaving me to find out on FB. Her sister didn't announce her current pregnancy until she had told me in person, I didn't think it would make so much difference. But seeing the pics of her girls announcing it - I feel like I can't breathe :cry:

Professor and I had a weekend away, and on the way back we drove through her town. We got confused, thought today was Sunday and she wouldn't be home, so we didn't visit. Now words can't describe how happy I am that we didn't, I couldn't have faced the announcement in person.

Wow, it never gets any easier, does it?

Oh sweetheart it doesn't matter how you find out it rips a piece of your heart out everytime

Keike - Joeve is so right, it would hurt like hell no matter what, I'm so sorry, it's such a crap feeling isn't it. My very good friend who fell pregnant on her first try (baby number 1) is due only a few days after I would have been after my most recent m/c.....she just announced to the world that she's pregnant and put pics of her 12 week scan up on FB. Of course I'm really happy for her but it just brings it all back to the surface of what could have been for me. So don't feel alone in your emotions and feelings, it's all normal and natural. Sucks to be us sometimes doesn't it. xx

Keike - It never, ever gets easier. I hate that everyone else is pg and gets to keep their babies while we just keep ending up back here.

Alison - You are right, it definately sucks to be us.

AFM - AF started today, two days late mind you, I think just to mess with my mind, lol.

Oh DG hun I am sorry xooxox What a witch to start two days late too .... Hope you are okay

Thanks Chepie Im ok.

How is everyone?

Hi ladies,

First of all, I'm sorry you are in here too :grouphug: I really didn't want to find myself here, but here I am. Instead of my belly buddies group I've now got a new one. I had an early m/c recently at 6w4d. We had IVF and first saw a HB when the little one should have been 7w5d, but it was only 6w4d. The little heart stopped beating shortly after that. I had a recent scan to re check the growth, but what should have been a little bubba measuring around the 8 week mark, it was still 6w4d. So I am going for a D & C tomorrow morning, I guess I will start to get on with my life after that. Call me a wuss, but I'm petrified of a natural m/c. The thing is that we're not spring chickens, and if we want to have another go we should have it asap, but I am so scared now. My egg reserve is really low too :(

Hi Miss B - I'm so sorry for your loss, your story is identical to mine in every way......I had my D&C 4.5 weeks ago now. I was a real mess as it was my 3rd miscarriage in 10 months so this one hit me hard, like you seeing the heartbeat but being told it was slow, then the follow up scan to say it had stopped and not grown anymore, I too was measuring a week behind. I waited a week for nature to takes its course but it didn't happen and I struggled to deal with it emotionally so went in for the D&C. I promise you will start to heal after you have the D&C, like you I was petrified of miscarrying naturally and am very glad of my decision.......4 weeks on and I'm feeling much stronger than I was a month ago. I too have a low egg reserve, AMH of 1.1 and have been told by my FS to get going so I am currently waiting to ovulate, I got my period 3 weeks after my D&C so while i'm not sure I'm emotionally ready I am too scared to waste time as well. So as I said, our stories are almost identical! Hugs to you, if you need to chat the girls in here are an amazing bunch of strong women, we understand so we're here for you xxxx

Thanks so much Alison. I'm so sorry for your losses too hun, it's really a terrible thing to go through. I'm so glad you're recovering well now and moving on.
I had another m/c but it was pretty late in the pg, so I had to go through natural labour to birth my son, but also ended up in theatre to remove the retained placenta which would have been a D & C as well. I've passed a lot of clots afterwards (sorry for TMI) and that freaked me out, so I guess I know some of the things to possibly expect after the D & C.
My AMH result was 3.8, but that was a few months ago, so not sure what it's now. It really sucks :( I'm also in the same position as you in terms of time the running out TTC, but I am so scared to try again fearing the same outcome.

Miss B - Im sorry you had to join this group, rather than your belly buddies. You will get lots of support here :hug: I'll be thinking of you tomorrow :hug:

Alison - Im glad your feeling stronger than a month ago. Good luck for this cycle. I dont know if its possible to be emotionally ready after loss, and especially after 3 in a row. :hug:

Gosh Miss.B that must have been so awful for you, I'm so so sorry for your little boy, how heartbreaking. Just think, if you can get through that you can get through anything, like this, you can and you will. We can all do it together. I hardly bled at all after my D&C, it was really skant but lasted 10 days, then I only had a couple of weeks and I got my period last week, which has also dragged on for 7 days but almost over. Like you I have no idea how your AMH drops, the FS told me I could have 6 months, 12, months, 2 years, they really don't have enough research to be able to know. I'm 39 in June so my number is quite low for my age even, but like me just think positive in the fact that while we mightn't have many eggs left, they are obviously doing enough to get pregnant. My first 2 mc's were due to progesterone issues which is the treatment I'm on, turns out this recent miscarriage was Trisomy 16 chromosonal issue (common apparently) so it had nothing to do with my hormones/treatment - which at first annoyed the heck out of me but then I thought well maybe in an odd kind of way it's a good thing because it means the progesterone supplements did their thing. Here's hoping next time is our time eh! I figured I'd never really be completely ready as I'll always be nervous and scared so might as well not waste any time and get back on the horse. With O looming I'm getting increasingly nervous and apprehensive mind you.....but I will continue on, I won't let it beat me and neither will you. All the best for tomorrow, will be thinking of you and sending you special hugs xx

Thanks so much Diamond Girl and Alison.

Alison, I'll be keeping everything crossed for you hun in this cycle. May it bring you a lovely healthy bubba :crossfingers:

Hi ladies,

Just popping to let you know the D & C went well. Just resting up and taking it easy.

Thanks for your support again xoxox

Miss b I'm so sorry :hug:

Sorry you have to be in here :hug:

Miss B - I am so sorry.... xoxo

Thanks toomanyshoes & chepie, I'm doing OK. I know it's such a sad day b/c I now definitely am not pg (although I still look it ;)) but at least I know I can now wait for my body to heal and hopefully we'll be trying again soon.

Miss B :hug:

:hug: Miss B :(

Oh Miss B :hug: :cry: That was kinda how I looked at my d&c as well, I'd been bleeding for so long that I wanted to be able to just move on.

How is everyone else? I saw your thread Diamond Girl, and was kinda at a loss as to what to say. Second guessing my reply and all that. I don't think we ever really get to the stage where we can hold newborns and see other babies and pregnant women without feeling that stab; I guess the best we can hope for is that the cut might not be so deep one day y'know?

AFM, Meow sent me a PM about something called 5-MTHFR the other day. Basically, some people are genetically unable to metabolise synthetic folate and folic acid. So all the vitamins, all the folic acid that's added to our food does nothing for us. Not having enough folate or folic acid can cause birth defects, recurrent miscarriages and depression. There's testing you can get done, but money's tight for us, so I'm just gonna start having green smoothies. The natural folate/folic acid is metabolised, just not the synthetic stuff. Given that all of my bubs were 6 weeks and I suffer from depression, I reckon I have it anyway. And there's no harm in getting more folate and folic acid anyway, right?

So I'm kinda putting my hopes on that. Doing the stupid exercise that hurts me and counting every dumb calorie as well of course. Hoping desperately that SOMETHING will work, because at the moment I am so skin hungry for my own take home baby that I could cry.

Oh Keike, I could just scream for you. I agree, something has to work- don't give up, beautiful. I know that stab you're talking about. I feel selfish for feeling it again, even with DS in my arms. I just wonder why some.people experience multiple losses, and others none. Not that I would wish anyone to go through that, but WHY me? Why us? I'll never know.

When DS was born, I stopped asking why. I felt like I'd had my taste of heartbreak, and I could begin to heal. I felt safe. I don't know why. I guess I conquered my fear of having 2 losses in a row. I showed myself I could have faith. Then, unexpectedly it happens again. And again I am wondering why. I don't want to be the woman who fears another loss. I don't want to have more angels than I do children here with me. But it seems I was destined for this path.

I think I'm rambling again. I should shut up. I've tasted bitterness, but I also have sweetness in my life. I am so sorry for those of you who are yet to taste such sweetness. It's a cruel world. The sting of a loss is far greater when your arms are empty. :grouphug: I wish I could ease your pain, Keike. But I know my efforts will be futile. One thing will help heal your heart, and I just don't have the power to give that to you. What I can offer is support., strength and love though. I have loads of that. :heartbeat:

I haven't been getting notifications again, grrr!

Miss B - have been thinking of you so much, I was just there 5 weeks ago so I feel your pain. You will start to heal now, although the full pain never seems to leave. xx

Keike - a lady who's just joined my playgroup was talking about that MTHFR thing the other day how weird!!! She had IVF for her first after years of unsuccessfully trying but when it came to the second her naturopath told her about the MTHFR so she tried some things and wallah, pregnant first try. Worth looking into.

AFM - well the clinic told me yesterday to get busy this weekend, I have to say I've been so hesitant to risk this again, can I do this, can I risk feeling the pain a 4th time in under 12 months. I figure I'll never be ready and as she told me my levels were great I decided to go for it. Although, as I'm just coming off my first AF since the D&C, it's really lingered, I'm Day 12 today which is usually when I O, but I've never really completely stopped spotting since AF, I had brown mixed in with my EWCM yesterday (sorry TMI) so not sure what that's all about. Probably another remind about my body trying to right itself after what it went through. I did panic yesterday and ask the nurse if it was definitely ok to go so soon after a miscarriage, and she said as long as I've had one natural cycle there's no reason not to, besides being mentally ready, which let's face it will I ever be again!

How is everyone else going. Porsche, where are you at with your cycle now? Hows the BCP going? xx

Hello ladies,

When I come in here I feel so much love, thank you so much for sending me your love and hugs. I really appreciate it and it makes it going through the m/c that much easier. You really are a great bunch :grouphug:

Keike, I just wanted to say that life really is a biatch sometimes and it makes me so mad when that happens to beautiful, caring wonderful people like yourself. I am so, so sorry for all your losses hun, I can't imagine your pain but so wish I could take it all away and grant you your wish of an earth side baby. I know that probably when you hear 'don't give up on your dream', you're probably rolling your eyes hun, but it really is true. Believe that dreams can and do come true and trust that they will for you. I can't imagine having 5 losses, I would have trouble myself in believing it could happen for me too, but if you don't believe it can happen, there is nothing to hope for, to believe in, to dream about and to reach out for. I pray for you for a miracle hun, because I believe that conception for anyone, is truly a miracle in itself. So many people that have had kids without experiencing a loss are naive, they don't get that falling pg and holding that beautiful baby in your arms is truly a miracle. Not something that happens when you just click your fingers or think about it and then bam! your UTD. So I will have everything crossed for you hunni xoxoxox

I'm really sorry for all of your losses ladies, it really is a heart breaking, life changing experience, and we are all left wondering, why me? It's just so unfair and I wish no one had to suffer it. My heart truly goes out to you all, I wish I could make all your dreams come true.

I'm scared to try again, I'm scared of facing the same outcome. I truly admire women who have had multiple losses and who try again, I think it takes so much courage and determination, and bravery and hope. I hope I have that in me. I think having a m/c makes you question if your body is able and it takes a lot to trust it again. There are so many factors that could be out of whack, sometimes simple and sometimes not so simple, sometimes they are very hard to find, which I think would be so so hard. I think the hardest thing would be to be told, we have no answers for you, we don't know why this is happening to you and why you can't get pg.

I'm sorry for this long winded novel, I feel pretty emotional today, I wish I could be positive again and know that I CAN do it. That my body CAN do it, but right now I have my doubts. I know that will go away. I can't wait for THAT day.

Love to all, and the biggest, warmest, beautiful hugs to all of you beautiful mummas :grouphug:

Alison, I am behind you all the way. I hope and pray that you get your miracle soon.

B xoxoxox

Hi Ladies

MissB - I'm so sorry you find yourself here. :hug:

Alison - I'm still on BCP. I've upped my Diabex/Metformin to 2x tabs a day. I'll start taking 3x tablets a day on Thursday and I'll start sniffing on Sunday. I'll be sniffing for a week and then i'll stop BCP and wait for the witch to show her ugly face.

Hi to Foreshellby, Keike, Diamond Girl, Chepie & Toomanyshoes. :hug: to you all. This is a rotten path to tread.

Oh, a friend of mine announced her surprise pregnancy last week, and I was so jealous. Now the poor woman has lost her baby :( She'd waited til she was 12 weeks to announce as well. I've been thinking of things to send her all day, a care package of sorts. Any suggestions? Apart from tim tams and a whole lotta love?

Oh Keike, I'm so sorry for your friend. I would send her a card at least and tell her you're thinking f her and her little angel baby. When my friend had a m/c a year ago, I wrote her a beautiful card and bought her a bracelet and a pandora charm of an angel. She was so touched. My thoughts are with her and her family xoxo

I'm.so sorry to hear that. Keike. I like Miss Bs ideas for a gift. :hug:

Keike - What a thoughtful friend you are. I think any gift or even just a card would be well received. Just to know that someone 'gets it', can make all the difference.

Hi B - that's such a lovely gift idea for Keike's friend How are you doing? I feel your pain, just know that you will get to a point when you feel you can try again, i don't think it will ever be as exciting as prior to having a miscarriage as it just adds a new thing to the mix, a rather big thing called WORRY, but you will be able to do it and you will get your bubba. We all will I just know it!!!! Hope you are feeling ok and just know we're all here for you. Like you said the girls in here are such a lovely bunch, they've been my sanity savours lately, thank goodness for you all xx

Hi Keike - gosh I'm so devastated for your friend, so much so I don't have any words. But like I said above, I love B's idea - also on FB there's a site that offers memory boxes for people who have had miscarriages/pregnancy losses/births etc. I can get you the name if you wish. I hope she's ok xx

Hi Porsche - hope you can get the witch here and out the way so you can TTC again soon xx

How is everyone else? I'm ovulating today, struggling with the injections as my stomach is so bruised the needles are starting to hurt. The nurse at the clinic today told me if I get a BFP I'll be on them till 12 weeks, fun. But oddly enough, i'm not fussed as I'm not feeling confident at all. Probably my subconcious protecting itself.

Alison - I was on Clexane during my last pg and I remember all the bruises. The good news is that you do get better at it over time, and so the bruises start to get smaller over time, but gee those needles sting. Good luck on getting your BFP!

Hi Ladies

Keike - I like Miss.B's suggestion. What about one of those pedicure gift packs from The Body Shop?

Alison - The clexane ones are they worst. As Diamond Girl said it does get better.

Alison I here you about the clexane I have been on them since 5wks currently at 31wks and they are pains. I was the same at 1st big bruises and running out of room to inject but then things got better no bruising but for the last 2 wks the big bruises are back dr said it's from the facts that my skin is pulled so tight and having a small bleed under the skin. I have 89 to go then no more clexane. My fingers crossed for you and good luck.

keike sorry to hear of your friends loss.
Finding the perfect tree for Anthony is on the back burner since we have 11 weeks to find a new house and sell our livestock and are nowhere near finding a house :(
Next weekend we are visiting Anthony since we live out of town from where his ashes were scattered.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

Hi Girls - why aren't I getting notifications?? GRRRRR

Hi Char-Leigh's Mum - wow I won't complain then, yikes!

I am going to have to go back and read through everyone's posts now as I'm so far behind but just quickly, those on progesterone and clexane, has anyone had any spotting around 5dpo? I am CD18 today, 5dpo and I have just had some spotting (well a bit when I wiped after the loo) all this while on 2 x progesterone's a day so I'm really upset - and annoyed at myself as I have been late twice now taking my progesterone, mind is on other things, could it just be that I was late by 1.5 hours taking my progesterone (so naughty of me). Or am I out this month, my cycles while always short around day 22 but it's particularly early this time,not sure if the Clexane has anything to do with that. Off to the clinic for bloods tomorrow anyway but talk about dampen my spirits, grrr to my crap body!