Oh sweetie I am so sorry.... my heart breaks for you xo
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Oh sweetie I am so sorry.... my heart breaks for you xo
Freya :hug:. I'm so sorry.
Oh Freya... I am so very sorry... :comfort:
Freya, Im so sorry for your loss. :hug:
Its just not fair :hug:. Recurrrent m/c is soooo very cruel.
Please know Im thinking of you xx.
*sigh* And so it begins again. Four days until the second anniversary of Ianto's death, six until his birthday... Sometime in the next day or two is the anniversary of the last kicks I remember. He was never much of a kicker, so I didn't worry when I didn't feel anything. I wonder if that would have helped? I wish I knew more about how it all happened for him. When exactly did he die? Was it in the morning, or was the slight flicker we saw on the ultrasound really his last heartbeat?
Off to cuddle Amelia now, I need real life hugs.
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Hugs Teni
Teni :(
I have nothing to offer apart from hugs and love... :hug:
Massive hugs Teni, thinking of you xoxo
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Forshelby - I know how you feel, after my first mc I thought "ok these things happen, now I'll be ok" but then it happens again and it's like a slap in the face :hug:
Freya - I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:
Teni - thinking of you :hug:
Afm - I'm totally freaking out about TTC again, I thought I was use to the possibilities of another mc but after having a break I think I've put false hope into everything being fine this time. If it happens again I think it will be crushing, it's like I had gotten use to the routine of the mc's and had become very good of pushing the pain aside but I think another one will put an end to TTC.
I keep thinking the same TMS.................but I just dont know if I can leave it on a bad note iykwim? Like I will feel like I gave up. Which is stupid because everyone has a limit and how much more pain should I endure.
As of now we are going to keep trying and do more investigation into a possible cause. If we arent succesfully pregnant by December I will have to put my big girl panties on and make a hard decision :(
And just a petty vent but if I hear 'surprise' and 'pregnant' in the same sentence again I WILL go postal.
Yeah the surprise pregnancies shoot a little pin through my heart too.
This has to be our last year, I can't keep going and DH isnt going to get over his fear of Drs and "pushing" nature any time soon. I'm sure saying no more will be heart breaking as well but I have to at the end of the year or I'll lose my mind.
Hi Ladies
TeniBear - :hug:. There isn't much I can offer but the virtual kind.
Freya - God don't you just HATE the accidental ones? I just want to punch them.
Toomanyshoes - :hug: to you too.
Teni -:hug::hug:
Freya & TMS - Im in exactly the same boat as you two. Wanting to give up because seriously, how much more pain can I go through. I have been through almost the entire first trimester 3 times in the past 12 months, which was full of extreme nausea/vomiting just to have a D&C at 11w, 11w and 12w. But in all honesty, I cant give up, not yet. DH and I decided that this is our final year of TTCing too. Its been over 2 years for us now and we cant keep going forever. We just started TTCing again and Im not even excited. Im just angry. Angry that we have to try again, and it probably wont live anyway. Its just not fair girls.
I haven't been getting notifications, grrr!
Freya - my heart sank when I read your post just now, I'm so sorry for your loss, as I'm going through it myself I have no other words other than life sux sometimes.
:hug:
Teni - same goes to you :hug:
How is everyone else?
AFM - well, it's been 2.5 weeks since my D&C, the bleeding finally stopped around last Friday so it has helped me to start the moving on process. Until I see a pregnant lady of course, or hear of another person getting pregnant. I am really starting to feel like THE only person on earth that I know of who isn't pregnant. And Freya, I'm with you on the hearing accident and pregnant in the same sentence, I have heard it a lot lately and I swear the next person who says it is copping it from me. Saw my FS on Monday, we've decided we don't like him, he didn't look at us at all when we were there, typed on his computer and didn't listen to a word I said. My OB who is an FS at the same clinic wrote up a plan and he seems to have changed it so I'm waiting to hear back from her. I'm going to ask if she can take my case over, I feel more positive around her, he made me feel quite deflated, yet she was making me feel quite confident that I would be able to carry a baby to full term. So the idea is to put me on Clexane injections next time, but everything else stays the same - I dont' know much about this drug and if it's any good, but he also rattled off prednisolone (steroid) and I am not comfortable taking that one, from what I read it can contribute to birth defects etc.......he said that we will do 2 more natural timed intercourse cycles and quote unquote, see how we go - well sorry but I'm not keen on having any more miscarriages so your blaze see how we go doesn't ride well with me!!! I had my little girl with me and he said to her, make sure you have babies when you're 25.....what kind of comment is that, a dig because I'm older, well sorry buddy but I wasn't in a position to have children in my 20's, I didn't even get married until I was 34!!!!!! GRRRR
Alison- wtf, I would have punched his lights out if he said that in front of me- HOW RUDE! I know exactly how you feel, I didn't meet DH until I was 35, do they want us to turn back time or something!! It makes my blood boil things like that. So sorry you were treated so badly when you should have been treated kindly, I hope you can be under your old ob instead. I am on clexane for all my ivf transfers, so if you have any questions about it feel free to ask xx
Hi everyone else, I read a lot but don't post much, sorry everyone is having a bad time.xx
Alison - what a turd of a FS! :hug:
What a load of crock Alison, definately change FS's. Im living proof age means diddly squat when it comes to conceiving and risk of miscarriage etc. Im only 27! Its been a struggle from day 1 for us to have kids. Sometimes I just think your journey is what it is, predetermined before we even hit child bearing age. Obviously age can play a part, which is why 30 will be our cutoff age because if I cant even carry to term now I will be flippin the bird at the fates if I carry on into my 30's.
Still, who says you wouldnt be in this position in your 20's?
Ive been on clexane too, unfortunately it didnt work last time but I will keep trying it. And taking asprin daily. It might be worth a shot for you.
Hi Freya - you are so right, I'm really sorry you are going through this at your age, I can only imagine it makes things so much more stressful, but you are right, I think it is what it is too. I have been taking Cartia (aspirin) daily through my cycles as well, so this is on top of, are there any side effects of the Clexane that you can think of? Please don't tell me weight gain as the progesterone already makes me eat like a mad woman :rolleyes: Do you mind me asking what they think the cause of your recurrent miscarriages are? I have a luteal phase defect/low progesterone (really low) but I also have a very low egg count (my AMH is at 1.1) so am on drugs to improve the quality, just another part of getting old I'm afraid.
Praying we get our sticky bub soon.....and everyone else on this thread xx
I tested + for antiphospholipid syndrome which is basically a clotting disorder. All sorts of risks associated with it (pre eclampsia, pre term labour, recurrent miscarriage, placenta issues, stillbirth and on and on) so thats why Ive been put on the clexane from +hpt onwards.
There can be side effects from the clexane, some people can even have allergic reactions (headaches, rashes etc) but I had no problems with it apart from the bruising at the injection site and the increased risk of bleeding/bruising due to it being a blood thinner.
Who is your FS in Perth if you dont mind my asking?
Oh wow.......they are just trying me on it really, they haven't told me I have a clotting disorder or anything, I have a luteal phase defect so I think they're just throwing whatever they can at me at the moment. I often wonder how if it's a blood thinner you can stay pregnant when it's supposed to help you, don't really get that as you would expect to bleed out! Oh well, will have to trust them. I don't know if you can say names on here but I'm going to Fertility North......I can PM you with the actual specialists name if you like?
Alison your fs sounds like a ****.
Im 25 and had a prem at 25 weeks a loss at 17 weeks and 7 losses before 12 weeks age doesnt seem to care with me! Id be finding a new one asap!
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I wonder if your FS is the same one I saw at their southern clinic? Certainly sounds like him. Put a complaint in writing and send it to the Practice Manager darl, they hafta follow it up.
FWIW, I started TTC at 21 and am now 26, turning 27 in August. In that time I have conceived 5 times and miscarried each one at 6 weeks. Age has nothing to do with it.
Hi Ladies
Alison - I can't believe how insensitive your FS was. I'm on clexane for all my TF's. I've also done Prednisone/prednisolone. I didn't have any side effects from the clexane except the big bruise at the injection site. I'm also on Cartia. I start clexane injections from EPU and with an FET cycle I start 1 week before TF. The prednisone was different lol. I had hot flushes and was very moody haha. You have to wean off the prednisone when you stop taking it. You can't just stop altogether. It's a HRT I believe. I haven't been diagnosed with a clotting disorder. My FS has me do clexane because I have a history of M/C.
Hi Ladies,
3 months ago I had my little girl Miss A. To conceive Miss A we needed clomid and the help of herbal remedies for infertility due to me not ovulating.
We were told not to TTC for at least 12-18 months due to my severe pre eclampsia and birthing via c section. Well... We werent trying to conceive... BUT...The day before yesterday, I got a FRER out and tested because my AF has been irregular (last month I didnt have one... Only one day of brown spotting) and I had a positive result. Clear as day. Two strong pink lines... As unexpected as it was, I was happy, until I freaked out about being on possible bed rest from 12 weeks on and having to take bp meds again.
It seems though, that my body was not ready for this pregnancy, because I am currently hunched over in pain and bleeding heavy red, containing clots. I am not going to do another FRER again as I dont thin k there is any point, i know i will still have HCG in my system and it sucks because I did want it but i know it wasnt the right timing...
When I visit Miss Amelia today, I will also be visiting the ED to have this miscarriage confirmed and give me something for the pain.
ETA - Yes, you can all tell me how much of an idiot I am... :( :( :( Stupid me for believing my body wouldn't be fertile after miss A
You are far from stupid :hug: I'm so sorry
Oh sweetie you are def not stupid. I think you are amazing and I hear all the hard stuff you are going through and applaud you because you just keep on going x
Hi Porsche - thanks so much for that info, sounds like we will be on the same treatment plan/cycle then! How long do you do the clexane injections for? I'm freaking out about those a bit. I'm really not keen on the Prednisolone etc......I spoke to my cousin who's an OB and she said there's not a lot of evidence to prove it's of any use, but it does come with other risks such as birth defects etc. I'm going to ask a few more questions about it's worth before I shove that into me. Any sign of AF for you yet? Dont' think I've ever wanted AF to arrive so desperately in my life!
Hi Keike - quite possible it was the same one, the initials are JN if that helps!! wink wink
Hi LysnDan - sorry to hear you're going through that, give your little girl an extra cuddle today.
Hi Ladies
LysnDan - GBH. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.
Alison. Depending on if the cycle is a BFP I stay on the clexane until 12 weeks. If it's a BFN then I'm to stop all meds (except prednisone in a FET cycle cause you have to wean off that).
As for AF well I think she's trying to come. I've had some brown spotting but who knows? Your guess is as good as mine right now. I have my post D&C appointment with FS Friday so we'll discuss what to do then. Not much else I can do unless the witch arrives between now and Friday lol.
I've started thinking about the next stage. If we get pregnant, if we make it past 12 wks no bleeding, if everything is looking ok how long can I leave it before I tell people?
I've been thinking about it a bit, being a larger girl I'm sure I could hide it until at least 20 wks but on the other hand I hate the thought of deceiving people. I also hate the though of having to do another "we lost the baby" explanation!
Sorry for the me post but..... I decided to press the flowers from Hugh's service and I got them out today and I was going to put them into a photo frame with his u/s pic and they are BLACK .........it just looks like a big black blob of mess :cry::cry: ................ I can't even get that right and now they are ruined and it sucks.... I am so freaking upset .........
Oh chepie I'm so sorry :hug: that really sucks
Hi Ladies
Chepie - I'm so sorry. Flowers are such tricky things to get right. :hug:
Toomanysgoes - I decided that IF we get pregnant again we aren't telling anyone until 20 weeks. Regardles of wether I'm showing or not. I would happily hold off telling anyone until I have a noticable bump. We aren't telling anyone we are back on the IVF train either. They put too much pressure on us and I feel like our fertility is gossip. DH & my family for that matter like to go around telling everyone about our IVF stuff. If I wanted the world to know I'd take out an add in the paper.
TMS - well we said that we were going to wait til 20wks to out ourselves last pregnancy but people were sus and I hate lying too so I outed myself. Then I lived to regret it :( So next time people will be lucky to know before the baby is born! I think with the extra padding from the boys I could prob get away with it til 20wks.
Porsche/Alison - I have to be on the clexane til 36wks. Is there a reason why you stop at 12wks Porsche?
Soooooo bleeding has stopped and Im counting this as my cycle. And Im ****ting myself. Taking asprin and will wait and see I guess. 2 out of 3 kids have been conceived on a cycle after miscarriage. Today though Im having a I hate anyone pregnant and my life just in general day. I should have been happily plodding along with a heartbeat and happiness. Instead Im having to try again.
I need chocolate.
Freya - I'm not sure why FS has me stop at 12 weeks. I guess because I haven't been diagnosed with a clotting disorder??? :hug: Have a big block of chocolate. I heard it heals everything. It's funny cause I keep thinking I should have been xx weeks and we would be doing x today, this week etc.... It really bites :(.
Chepie - Im so sorry. Ive been thinking of you this week since its so close to Hugh's due date. Vent/cry here as much as you need to. :hug:
Porsche - I will be on clexane until 36 weeks too. Im not sure why considering it didnt stop me from m/cing last time. Unfortunately I suffer from bad m/s so its near impossible to keep it a secret for long.
Freya - I have lots of those days too, sigh.:hug:
Oh cheapie. My hearts breaks for you. I am so sorry.
Lysdan. Never ever stupid. I'm sorry your baby couldn't stay. I am also sorry you have to deal with all this when you are missing your miss a!
I can't remember who posted about keeping pregnancy secret. I kept my last pregnancy quiet until the 20week scan. It made me feel better. Helped me bond with my baby. People got upset but my pregnancy was about me! Do whatever gets you thru!
Ladies I just wanted you all to know that there are those of us that are here. Our losses my not be as recent or as raw as yours but we remember your pain. Sorry I don't get to post as much as I'd like. But you are not alone xx
Thanks ladies oxoxo ...... Hope everyone is doing ok....
DG - thanks for thinking of me..... How are you going babe?
Well yesterday was Hugh's due date and it was so hard...... All this week I have found myself wandering around looking at baby clothes.... Honestly when I have been in Target some how I found myself in the babe section! Gah seriously .......... No one remembered only my mum and DH of course....
Anyways I took the day of work today as I couldn't face work... I should be on Mat leave!
Oh I am on flood watch now!
Love to you all
xx
Chepie - :hug: Im glad you took the day off. All the 'should have beens' are hard.
Well, BFN for me today and Im taking it really badly. I feel so stupid because I expected it to be positive. I thought I was doing ok, but today just brings it all back. Im a mess today. Not pg, feeling so hopeless, like I'll never ever hold a newborn of my own again, and it H U R T S. I must be some kind of psycho because I picked up my three year old, held him like a baby and tried to rock him to sleep in the rocking chair. Of course he wasnt interested and said 'mummy Im a big boy, not a baby'. Then I realised what I was doing and felt like even more of a mental case. Ok, time to stop crying now.
Oh hun you are not a mental case!!!!! I picked dd up the other day and tried to do that exact same thing!! I TOTALLY GET............... I am sorry that it was BFN... could it be too early may be?? I am sorry that you are hurting I really am ooxx
Thankyou Chepie. I feel so much better for getting that out. I hope it was too early, but sadly, I dont think so.