Have you suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss and are looking for others to talk to who are in a similar situation? Are you looking for understanding and support? If so, this is the place for you.
This thread is designed to help you through the tough times....whether you have recently suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, or if it was some time ago. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on how you remember your angels on special occasions and anniversaries.
Whether your loss was recent or not, it can really help to share your thoughts and to know that you are not alone in this journey.
Thought I might join in here and say hi to everyone :wave:
I've just discovered that we have an extra Garden Baby waiting for us - it was actually my first pregnancy, I got 2 positive tests but a negative blood result, so assumed the HPT's were faulty. A friend sent me a link that shows why that is extremely rare, so....I guess we now have 5, not 4 waiting for us.
We're still trying to pick out a unisex name, I think we're close to settling on Caiden Azariah though. The other 4 jumped out at us straight away, so I don't really wanna 'settle' if it's not the perfect name y'know? It'll come, I know.
Maruschke - I'm sorry you haven't received any comfort. That's not nice. Perhaps they don't know what to say? It's still hard when you need it from those closest to you.
Maruschke, I hope P's right and your family just don't know what to say. It's not an excuse, but maybe a bit of an explanation. I wrote a blog post about it ages ago, to help people who have no idea what it's all about to see it from our horrible side. Maybe you could email it to them, or write your own letter to them and directly ask for the help you need?
And if they still choose to ignore it - I'll send 'em a virtual buttkick
That would be great! I'd accept that (and it's one reason why I'm OK with transferring two). DH thinks this is a "God" thing, that we have to have three kids. Hard to explain but it's going to be hard to change his mind on this. Ugh .
Mar - I'm sorry your hubby doesn't consider your angel babes as children.. My husband finds it hard to get his head around it some days too. I'm with joeve, I hope these two eggs stick like glue, and baby twins in 2012 will bless your family.
Keike - thanks for the love you're gorgeous. Sometimes I feel invisible in this forum, it's nice to know someone sort of 'recognises' me so to speak. How long have you and the professor been trying, if you don't mind me asking? I hope you find answers, and a sticky bfp soon
Joeve - how many children would you like? My perfect number is three (healthy) babes. We will see!
Afm. I'm still waiting for the new year before we start trying again. I'm going to start taking my prenatal vitamins in December. I'm taking them now, but not very strictly. Really need some sticky babes in this thread
Haha, I definitely recognise you, you have a very distinctive avatar!
We've been trying for 5 1/2 years now. 5 mc's in that time would seem to show that falling pregnant is not the problem, but as yet I haven't found a doctor that makes that connection We've all but stopped trying now, I can't deal with another loss. Professor has Asperger's Syndrome, so he's next to no help when it happens, as much as he wants to be. We're basically just DTD when we want and never using protection. Working on our health and fitness, which may or may not have a positive effect on our fertility.
It certainly is hard on the men isn't it? Not in the same way as us though. It must be hard for the men to watch what we go through and not have that same connection. Must be a pretty helpless feeling
Telly- just 1 I don't mind, I would like to at least get to 1
Keike- good girl working on your health and fitness, I know it definitiely doesnt has a negative effect so you are going in the right direction! I am getting my fitness back these last few months and I promise you this, the more I get out and exercise the easier I cope with stress, the more rational I can think and most importantly I find that I am no where near as TTC obsessed because I am working on making myself happy
I don't exactly know where to post this, so I figured this was a pretty good start. I am currently going through a miscarrage, my second one, which is no easier than the first and a lot harder being the 2nd, especially after already having a perfect DD to look at and dream and wish and think about her brother/sister that I am losing.
DH and I chose to try and go naturally, my Ob has given me 6weeks in total to pass my baby, I have a check up with him in 1 1/2wks to make sure everything is progressing okay.
I go to work 5 days a week, I work with children, suprisingly it helps, but no one knows what I am going through at work, and the handfull that do have never expereicned what I am going through, I look around at the people at work and go if only you knew what I was going through right at this second.
Last Friday I crippled over in pain, kinda forgot how painful physically it is to lose a baby, and they just looked at me, and said, oh are you okay, did you trip? I smiled and said of just a little sore tummy, and smiled and continued on my way.
My DH is keeping busy and grieving in his own way, we look after our DD feed her bath her put her to bed, I go to my parents house and they see me in pain, they wish they could help, the hug me and kiss me and tell me they are there for me, which really does help.
But how do I continue to go on now that things are starting to progress even more **TMI COMING UP SORRY** last week I was cramping and had spotting, now I am bright red bleeding and started to clot, which sadly I know what is coming... how do i continue to work, to breath and love my daughter and husband, which I do so very very much, while I am right in the middle of losing my baby, a baby who we love and wanted?? How do I get up everyone morning and just be??
I am coping better this time emotionally then last I think, last time I was a wreck I didn't go to work for the week it took to pass the baby, but this time I can't I have another child who is living who needs me to work ( I work where she goes) I cant fall apart because I have her... I fall apart at home once she's asleep, I stay strong at work becuase I dont want people to know, I dont feel they need to know, or perhaps I dont think they will understand what I am goin through.
Can anyone give me ideas on how to just take one day at a time? Or is it simply I wake up and do my best until it is all over?
Really sorry if this isn't the place to ask, I just needed to say that to people who understand what I am going through, yet again...
I basically woke up and approached every day as it came at me... for the first few weeks anyway. I didn't plan much beyond a few catch ups with friends that I knew would give me what I needed at the time and I took it very easy on myself. One day I wandered around the shops for a few hours just looking at things and being alone (surrounded by people!).
I found being around kids helped a bit too... just not my own kids They seemed really strung out and able to push my buttons at the drop of a hat so I stepped away from them a bit til I sorted myself out. Now, they are being super cute and that is really helping too. I'm glad being at work is helping you!
I can't help with how long it'll take to pass your darling baby naturally... but I know the hollow grief you are feeling, all too well. I know how it feels to love and lose a little one that you conceived of in mind, body and spirit. Your baby was loved, wanted, adored, and you need to grieve that.
I really hope the physical pain begins to ease over the next few days and you can start processing and dealing with the emotional pain.
Hope - It's so surreal isn't it, to be outwardly getting on with the mundane daily tasks, all the while knowing your beautiful baby is slipping away? I have had 4 natural mc's and one d&c, but I couldn't tell you which one is easier. With the d&c it was nice to finally stop bleeding and know that it was physically behind me, but to go from being 'full' to empty within a few hours is devastating. And then of course, feeling it all happen, being confronted with it every time to you go to the loo, is devastating as well.
I don't have any advice about going on with life. It's hard. Then after a little while you realise you've gone a few minutes or an hour or two without thinking about it. Then you'll start smiling and laughing without feeling guilty. The heart wounds start to scar over - still there, but not open and raw anymore.
I'm so sorry
Diamond Girl - I don't know what to say, except sending . What an awful ordeal, I'm so sorry.
Minniemouse - I know what it's like to sit there in a group and wonder why they can't hear your mind screaming, I'm sorry you went through that My last mc happened a few days before we stayed a a friends place for the weekend. I was still feeling very fragile, but we went anyway as a distraction. As soon as we walked in, one of my girlfriends came up to me and announced that she was pregnant. Not just pregnant, but we were 4 days apart Professor and I ended up staying at a little chalet a few streets away, didn't stay for the housewarming party, pretty much just up and left. I swear my mind snapped when she told me, I just couldn't believe it. She ended up losing her bub as well, a few weeks later, and I felt so awful because of the things I'd thought about her and her baby. It's made us better friends though, so something good came from all the crappiness I guess
AFM, I'm just my normal anxious self today. Work finishes at the end of the month, and while that'll open up a whole new can of worms financially, it'll also be good to not be telling myself off for not going to work. I was supposed to go in today but Professor didn't wake me up in time, and I had a bit of a panic attack about it last night anyway. It certainly takes my mind off of mc's.
Telly - I downloaded an app called MyFitnessPal, which is a food and exercise diary, so you can track your calories and food breakdowns. I've found it AWESOME! Especially with the PCOS, I thought I was eating pretty well, but I've actually found that while I may be eating healthy, I'm having too many carbs and not enough protein, which is not a good breakdown for PCOS symptoms. There's a website for it as well if you don't have an iPhone; I would highly recommend it, as it's good to learn about your food breakdowns, and it's also stopped me from having some junk food coz I don't wanna admit to it when it comes to filling out my diary!
Our Son, Reid was born sleeping this week at 16 weeks 3 day. The wound is still very fresh but I feel I need to talk to someone who can understand what we are going through. Face to face talk at the moment would be to difficult so here is an even better option.
Reid's early arrival was due to Chorioamnionitis. This is an infection in the sac and waters surrounding Reid. Essentially, Reid was a perfectly healthy boy but due to the infection from my body which reached him, my body "rejected" him and I went into preterm labour.
The labour itself was the most painful labour yet. I guess it was painful because it my mind i knew that it shouldn't be happening. The contractions were 2 mins apart from the beginning. They were so strong. I heard his heart beating at about 10am through the doppler and I honestly thought he would be ok. But the look on all their faes said it all. I could feel myself pushing with some of the contractions but i was fighting it. I was terrified to push him our alive.
So much of it was a blur. I'd had a couple of shots of morphine and was using gas. I was eventually transferred to another larger hospital by ambulance. This is where i later birthed Reid.
The contractions eventually slowed but I could feel a lot of pressure in my vagina and bottom. I was taken for an ultrasound where it was confirmed that Reids heart no longer beat. I commented on how squashed he looked and was told that it was probably cause he was in the lower part of the utuers now. This is why I had so much pressure down there.
I was taken back to my room where I laid back down for a little longer to await his birth. I was terrified that I would have to go through labour again to birth him. I eventually got up to go to the toilet as I felt like I needed to push something out. I wasnt sure if it was the baby or a clot so I made the midwife put a container in the toilet.
I sat down onto the toilet and gave a little push and I could feel soemthing move down into my vagina. I wasn't sure whther I should keep pushing or not but I did. I could tell it was the baby. It felt way to big and hard to be a clot. I pushed a little more and out he came. The relief was immediate. I looked into the toilet but I couldn't tell if it was him. The midwife looked and said yes it was as she could see his placenta.
We then took out the container and I could see him inside the sac. That image is burned into my mind. I could see his little leg bent. I laid on the bed while the midwife opened the sac and brought him to me. He was perfect. So perfect. He just needed the time to grow. We didn't know his sex at this point and we immediately looked and see that he is a boy. Finally, we have a Son. I break down immediately. I finally have a Son and he is gone. Taken from us too soon.
We then clip his cord and I cut it. Sadly DP didn't make it back in to be with us during this time as he had to take care of the girls. He and the girls came back in a little later to meet Reid. We took photo's of him and the girls together. Ofcourse they didn't really understand or fully comprehend what was happening but I'm glad for this. Seeing an ounce of pain in them would have shattered me.
I'm still coming to terms with the fact that it was my body who resulted in the death of our perfectly healthy son. He was strong our boy. He fought right until the end when it was too much to fight any more.
We are yet to bury or cremate him and although it may be morbid for some, he's resting in a memory box in our freezer at the moment until we decide its time to make this decision.
The infection which caused all this mess is still in my body. I've only been discharged from hospital yesterday and am still on a strict regime of antibiotics at home. I don't usually like taking antibiotics but with talk of possibly losing my uterus should the infection get out of control, I'm not taking any chances.
Overall, I feel ok. My emotions are on a roller coaster ride. Unfortunately DP and my mum (who's down from Townsville) are making me feel like I can't openly grieve. DP hasn't openly grieved at all which concerns me. He says he's sad but I guess thats some men for you.
Thoughts of another baby have already been on my mind. I feel guilty and definately frightened to even consider going back again. I want to try and shut those kinda thoughts out of my mind but its hard. Its not really fair to Ried
Sorry for the long post. I guess I needed to write it all down.
Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #2
I think that is a beautiful name.
.
to both of you.
.
We've all but stopped trying now, I can't deal with another loss. Professor has Asperger's Syndrome, so he's next to no help when it happens, as much as he wants to be. We're basically just DTD when we want and never using protection. Working on our health and fitness, which may or may not have a positive effect on our fertility.
Professor and I ended up staying at a little chalet a few streets away, didn't stay for the housewarming party, pretty much just up and left. I swear my mind snapped when she told me, I just couldn't believe it. She ended up losing her bub as well, a few weeks later, and I felt so awful because of the things I'd thought about her and her baby. It's made us better friends though, so something good came from all the crappiness I guess 
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