HPL
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Oh HPL
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HPL
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HPL:
Maruschke: my friend text me the next day to see if i was ok, said they were worried i felt left out because i was quiet at lunch, how am i meant to say well actually i was rather upset by a lot of the conversation, i just couldn't and i don't want it to turn into a thing where im not invited anywhere because people will be worried what they can say in front of me, its terrible its come to this and i can't even go out and enjoy myself
OP: i hope that girl is ok, no doubt she will be, its so frustrating, i have a friend who is pregnant with her 4th baby, she has fallen pregnant every time first time and no problems, she does one POAS and then has a scan at 12 weeks safe in the knowledge all is fine (& it has been), i wish i could be like that
Keike: you are so right when i was at the lunch in my mind i was saying FFS shut up and im not that type of person at all to be like that
diamondgirl: yes our kids are the same age, i feel pregnant accidently with the 3rd after fertility treatment for the first 2 so i figured it was meant to be, that became my first loss, i don't understand why it would happen like that, why did i just not get pregnant at that time and we would have been happy with our 2, now im chasing this dream but it is only giving me pain. i hope we both (i hope we all) get that sticky bfp. there is a lady on here (india's mum) and she had 4 miscarriages and she has recent had her baby, i hope she doesn't mind me saying she is in her mid 40's, she gives me hope that after 4 miscarriages you can take home a baby
PacRakMG: i tell you families make me want to scream, i can't believe i have been treated the way i have especially under the circumstances
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Hugs HPL
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I was, til about four weeks ago.
Nothing like a good old miscarriage to knock some terror into your sails.
HPL: how are you going hun? I'm glad you got to say goodbye, I hope your tree decision comes easily. I'm still trying to find time to get to the nursery but I want to plant something too.
DG: been thinking of you.
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OP - I was like that too once. How things change eh?
HPL - Im glad you got to say goodbye. I hope you can start to heal emotionally now
Keike - Thankyou for your kind words.
MM- Thankyou for telling me about India's Mum. I need to hear every success story I can because I often think I should just give up...except I want a baby so bad.
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Do you like my signature ladies?
I felt it was time...
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thats lovely ocean princess
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OP - What a lovely tribute to your Angel.
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OP - thank you for your support over the last few days, it has really helped. i think your signature is very lovely and so proud that you could do it. I think you may have given me some encouragement to make mine a little more meaningful
DG - the heeling has started i feel more myself now, i feel completely not pregnant anymore which hurts but I feel more like me and i guess thats the start of the healing for us,
Tegam - thanks for hug
MM - Maruschke -thank you for the hugs also -made me so loved and care about when i saw them... I am doing much better today... I do hope everyone has started their healing process...
First day back at work today - it was bareable - only 3 ppl know at work they kpet a close eye on me to make sure I was okay which was lovely...
I do truly hope everyone has started on their journey of healing.. I know mine will be long but I know there is a light at the end and that light will shine bright...
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OP: lovely
HPL: i hope you are going ok, its good to hear your workmates who know about the miscarriage are looking after you
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It has been exactly one week since my NT scan. Worst week of my life. Ive always been able to pick myself back up but this time I just cant seem too. I think about trying again and then I remember that Ive done that 3 freaking times already and it hasnt worked. Even being with my boys hurts now because it just makes me want my baby back even more. I think about what was, just one week ago and the pain is so bad. I feel like screaming all the time. This isnt fair. Why me? Why didnt clexane and asprin work when it does for virtually everyone else? Im in such a bad place mentally. I havent begun to heal, not even close.
Maybe its time I spoke to someone?
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Oh DG: it's been a week yes, but really that's just a blink in the eye. If you feel you need to talk to someone then yes do it, do it today. But if you are asking if it's normal to still be a mess after a week then yes huni it totally is. It's all normal in a totally messed up situation. Hugs
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OP I can't see you sig as I'm on my phone. But I love that you have made a tribute to your angel.
HPL hope work was ok
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Hi everyone,
I would like to join this thread for some support, I am in a pretty dark place right now.
I am hoping this is the right place to share my story, if not let me no so I can move it. I really don't want to upset anyone.
Today I got AF, a reminder that I am no longer pregnant, that my life has been turned upside down, that Lucy is gone.
I don't know how strong I am... if this is more than I can take.
3 pregnancies in 3 years.
This time we had just begun to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, my tummy, the kicks. We had made it through our milestones at 6 and 12 weeks with caution, not allowing ourselves to truly believe everything would be ok this time. After our 20 week scan we breathed a sigh of relief. Were we really doing it?? My DH bought us a surprise 4D scan at 24 weeks, everything was fine, she was beautiful, although we didn't know she was a she. We listened to everyone's tell us it would be ok this time, but in the back of our minds the fear never left us. We just thought bring on January when our baby would be hear safely, then we could relax!
While on our recommened pre-baby holiday in Port Douglas I was concerned our bubba had stopped moving or maybe changed positions so I couldn't feel the movements the same. We headed to Cairns hospital to put our minds at ease, but after 3 ultrasounds with different machines and operaters our worst fear was confirm, our precious baby had died. I just remember starring at the screen, she was so still. We were so far away from family in Melbourne. We changed our flights and flew home the next morning, I lost my mucus plug on the plane and started getting contractions. I was terrified, I had no idea how quickly things would move but we made it back home and we were booked in to be induced the next day.
I am consumed with why?? Sometimes it hurts just to breath, but what choice do I really have, the days just go by, we have lost a month in a blur. At the end of each day I am alive but I am really broken this time. I am sick of having to be strong. Sick of people saying 'You will get through this', I know that I will but this seems to be the story of my life, not just in relation to fertility. It seems like there is much negativity attached to me IYKWIM. Not sure I can cope with much more.
It's like we are living a nightmare at the moment.
Lucy was beautiful, with bright red lips and blonde hair. I still can't believe what has actually happened, that she is gone. It's so unfair.
I am sort of in limbo at the moment, it changes everything. All our plans...
I just feel really lost.
And I am angry, I need to know why so I can fix it. Then we will have to find more strength to try again.
I also have to think about going back to work eventually and seeing people. Each time I see or speak to someone for the first time, I replay everything that has happened in my head and it's not long before I am in tears again so I have sort of been avoiding it. The first question is always 'How are you?', how do you answer that (without breaking down), so many responses go through my head?? Work are giving me as much time as I need but I have to face it at some point...
Thanks for listening to my disjointed ramblings.
It will take me some time to get to know everyone on here and each of your stories, right know I have trouble remembering what I did yesterday!
XX
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I am so sorry your precious Lucy couldn't stay. I read your post the other day about the coke can names and shed a tear for you. Life sometimes doesn't make sense
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Tily Girl - I was (and am still) so sad to hear of the passing of your beautiful girl Lucy Bella. You are so right, this is so grossly unfair. I cant imagine a pain so deep as yours, to loose three precious babies, especially one at 25 weeks must be unbearable. All I can do is hold your hand and tell you its ok to be angry, upset, whatever emotion you feel. Please know I am thinking of you (never stopped since I read your birth announcement) and will support you in every way I can in this thread. Hugs to you xx.
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tilygirl: huge big
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