I've been spending a lot of time with my nephews over the past few weeks. Yesterday I was with them all morning, just playing with them and making them giggle. When I went to leave, Jack says 'Goodbye Chogy, goodbye Chogy, goodbye Chogy!' He can't say Jody, so I'm Chogy He came up and gave me a cuddle as well, and I thought my heart would burst.

Watching them, seeing how awesome they are and how they love learning about the world around them, makes me ache for my babies. My firstborn, who should be almost 4 now. The newborn I should have. All of my babies. I know that if the first had lived, the others may not have, but that's not the point. They were inside me, growing, living.....and now they're not.

Sometimes I think the pain is too much, I'll never get through it. The only thing more upsetting than that, is the sudden realization that I haven't thought about them today, that life has moved on so far that my babies aren't in my thoughts all the time.