I've been spending a lot of time with my nephews over the past few weeks. Yesterday I was with them all morning, just playing with them and making them giggle. When I went to leave, Jack says 'Goodbye Chogy, goodbye Chogy, goodbye Chogy!' He can't say Jody, so I'm Chogy He came up and gave me a cuddle as well, and I thought my heart would burst.
Watching them, seeing how awesome they are and how they love learning about the world around them, makes me ache for my babies. My firstborn, who should be almost 4 now. The newborn I should have. All of my babies. I know that if the first had lived, the others may not have, but that's not the point. They were inside me, growing, living.....and now they're not.
Sometimes I think the pain is too much, I'll never get through it. The only thing more upsetting than that, is the sudden realization that I haven't thought about them today, that life has moved on so far that my babies aren't in my thoughts all the time.
Oh keike I am so sorry to see you're having a tough day. A friend once told me, that those babies you lose, their spirit will eventually come back to you some how... Through another baby, a new family member, a close friend, a pet.. They eventually find their way into your life. I just thought it was a beautiful way of thinking, it helps me out on my tough days.. Knowing those two beautiful angels will find me again one day ( if not already have ) . . .
It's okay to feel the way you do. I find it hard to look at little boys sometimes, knowing mine should be here with me terrorising his little sister - then I remember she wouldn't be here if he was... And it's okay to realise you haven't thought about them all day, too. Well, I hope it is, because I have days where at the end of it I realise I haven't really thought about Ianto much
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- Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks
Missing my babies
He came up and gave me a cuddle as well, and I thought my heart would burst.
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I'm so sorry Keike 
I'm so sorry your babies aren't here with you 
It's okay to feel the way you do. I find it hard to look at little boys sometimes, knowing mine should be here with me terrorising his little sister - then I remember she wouldn't be here if he was... And it's okay to realise you haven't thought about them all day, too. Well, I hope it is, because I have days where at the end of it I realise I haven't really thought about Ianto much 
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