My Little Story...

[love]

I'm new to BB, I'm not really too sure why I've joined but I think it's because I need to share my story and not feel so alone in it.
I'm 30years old and live quite a healthy lifestyle. I have passion for my work, I have no debt (I don't have much money either but not owing anyone money is enough for me), I live in a gorgeous space, have the most beautiful friends and a partner I could not have conjoured up in my most magical dreams. My journey to get here has been rough but I'm happy... almost.
I have had the precious gift of the feeling the beginning of another life start to grow within me 5times so far, but I am yet to hold a little munchkin in my arms. I have been through 5 miscarriages, the most recent (which I feel was the hardest emotionally) in Dec 08.
I have learned alot throughout the course of my life and I have believed that "everything happens for a reason", but this has made me think, and feel that maybe it doesn't??? I'm not sure where I stand on this statement now but I guess the answers will come...
I have just celebrated what should have been a first birthday, and am now approaching what could have been a birthdate... I say could have been because I'm stil unsure of what actually needed to happen when I went to hospital that day.
We were so very excited (and a little shocked!) when we found out I was pregnant last year. I started spotting a few days after we found out and although it was only slight, because of my history we went upto the hospital just to settle the nerves. I stil believe this was the biggest mistake we made.
I was poked and prodded, used as a pin cushion (literally, the doctor had no idea how to take blood... then forgot to sign the forms so had to do it all over again!!!). Finally we get to that dreaded ultrasound room and go through the motions... "are you aware you have a bicornuate uterus?"..."excuse me while I get the doctor love". Even though it was probably only a few minutes, it felt like moons had passed by the time the doctor arrived. It was familiar though, and my heart sank as I recognised conversation that was to come, only it didn't, this was a brand new speach. "The pregnancy is ectopic"...
Before I could take in what I was being told I was hooked up to this moniter and that moniter, there were busy little staff buzzing around me and three stern doctors standing at the end of my bed telling me I had to go into surgery and I may lose an ovary and a tube!!!! I was devastated, but I signed the paperwork and off I went to theatre. When I woke up I had a massive wound along the top of my pubic line, stapled shut with little metal staples. They didn't have to take my tube or my ovary, thank goddess, because it was not an ectopic afterall... so they gave me a d&c instead?!?!?!?
To cut what's turning out to be an extremely long story short, once I had recovered physically I went to my previous GP (which was 3hrs away because I'd only just moved to this new place) and he was horrified! His view was that the sugery was completely unnecesarry given my symptoms when I arrived at the hospital, that the type of surgery was unnecessarry, even if it was a legitimate ectopic, and that by giving me a d&c they potentially aborted what could have been a perfectly healthy pregnancy (he said that the ultrasound may have missed it because I was only about 4wks)
As you can imagine this information sent my head and heart into a spin and I guess my needing to release all of this is because her due date is creeping up so quickly.
My doctor advised me to get all of my hospital notes to see if I could take legal action against the hospital... My bestfriend (who is a midwife) looked over the notes extensively and said I'd have no grounds to stand on.
So I grieve peacefully, with no-one to blame.
Thanks for taking the time to "listen" <3

[OceanPrincess]

Wow. What a story. I am so sorry for your losses.

So I grieve peacefully, with no-one to blame.

I'm not so sure about that - can you get the GP to read over your notes???

[BrightSparkles]

Oh hun. It sounds sounds like you've had a tough time.
I know that everyone here will support you through this. Getting it out sometimes helps to make it eaiser (IMO anyway...)

Sending you lots of

[Just Me]

I am so sorry for what happened to you - that is awful!

I think that you might need to discuss the case with a lawyer in order to decide whether there are grounds for a civil suit. Midwives have some legal knowledge of their profession, probably enough to ensure they themselves are covered, but there are a lot of aspects to law and if you were given incorrect medical advice then there may be grounds to stand on . . . as I said I would check with a lawyer.

I cannot imagine what you are going through at the moment, but I really hope that you can get some answers one way or another. Thank-you for sharing your story. You sound like a very lovely and gracious person and you don't deserve what you have been put through

[MummaSue]

Wow, what a story. I'm so sorry for your losses.

I agree with TVG, could you get a lawyer?

I hope that you get your sticky bean really soon hun, you deserve it.

Hugs
Sue xxx

[csab]

Love - Ohh hunni, I am so very sorry for what you have been thru and put thru by definately no fault of your own. I feel so sad for you. It just sends shivers down my spine.
I would speak to a lawyer to see if there is anything that can be done, and if not then you know by hearing it from the lawyers.
Also please dont feel as tho you have to suffer in silence on here, you will find the most loveliest of people on here and some of which will even know the right things to say to help you pass this most difficult time. Time is also something that is needed and the EDD's and anninversaries arent the most fun times either. You will always have someone on here that will relate to you and your circumstances at the time and will know how you are feeling. I think you have really found the right place to help heal your heart and not feel so alone.
Getting this off your chest is a perfect start.

Hugs

[love]

Thank you all so very much for your kindness. I feel I should clarify something though. When my best friend went over my clinical notes she didn't come out and say "you have no leg to stand on", she said they'd made it very difficult to break through, and that it would be a hard road if I wanted to take it further... My GP said this also. I don't feel the anger as fiercely as I did when this was all fresh, and although I know I probably "should" get a lawyer and see just how hard it is going to be, I honestly don't feel I have the energy. My heart is slowly beginning to heal and I think the energy I do have I need to spend on nurturing myself and preparing my body and mind for when we decide to start trying again... I know I'll need a centeredness and mountains of strength when that time comes. I have learned alot from this experience and although I stil believe in my heart it didn't have to end like this, I'm trying to bundle all the hurt into a bubble of love and move forward, taking what I have learned with me because I know fighting won't bring her back.
Don't get me wrong, somedays I want to yell and scream (and usually I do) but I feel this way I can save myself from the ugliness of it all and focus on becoming a healthy, happy and calm space for my next baby to feel safe to grow within.
Thankyou all again so much, to know that support is out there truely does make a huge difference, love