Hey Susan,

I'm not sure as to whether you will find out the sex of your little angel or not. I didn't. I know it's different for everyone in terms of what tests are conducted etc, so it really is very hard to say either way. Sorry I can't give you a specific answer on that front.

As for grieving - that really is a very individual thing and can't be dictated by any firm rules. How long it takes you to go through your grief process is entirely up to you and nobody can tell you how long that will take. It is a really hard journey, but sadly a necessary one, as if you try to avoid grieving, it can come back to bite you on the bum, and it sounds like it may have done a little bit with you ATM. Allow yourself to be sad and angry - these are perfectly normal and understandable feelings. If you feel like screaming, then have a good scream, or have a good cry - whatever you need to do, do it. I did have some counselling - I actually went to a psychologist that I had seen previously and I was able to work through a lot of my grief with her help. It really does help to sometimes be able to speak to someone in a professional capacity who is removed from the situation, i.e. someone who is not a family member or friend.

After visiting your Doctor on Monday, you may well feel upset as just simply visiting the doctor can be a reminder of your loss. On the other hand, you may well feel a sense of relief somehow to get the test results as it can feel almost as if you are playing a waiting game, like you are limbo, until you know for sure what has taken place (if anything has been found). Whatever you feel, just go with it. Personally I was really frightened and upset about going back and when I found out that there was nothing wrong with either DH or I, I just felt so useless - like it was even more my fault, i.e. it must have been something I had done wrong to lose my little ones. This is a perfectly normal way to feel, but it's an awful thing too. So I guess what I'm saying is to just go with whatever your heart tells you.

Let us know how you go ok? Thinking of you....