Please help me find the right words

[~Trish~]

My close friend (who is 24 weeks pg) came to visit me yesterday and told me her sister just lost her baby boy at 33 weeks . We hugged and cried together, I am just so devastated for them .

I would like to send her sister and DH a card to express my sadness, but I'm unsure on what would be appropriate. I need some help if possible. I don't want to send a sympathy card, what would be an appropriate card to send? A "Thinking of you" card? I also need help with what to write in the card. How do you express your sadness while acknowledging their DS in a sensitive way? I'm so scared I'll say the wrong thing! I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't know what to say, so doesn't say anything at all. I think it's important to have your child acknowledged and to know others are thinking of you.

I'd really appreciate if someone could help me find the right words.

[Peg]

its so hard to know what to say because there is nothing that can be said that is going to ease her pain

I would send a 'thinking of you' card and just let her know that you are there if she needs someone to talk to.

[~MummaBear~]

I agree with Peg...
there is nothing at all that can be said. to be honest i dont think that there is any right words... just alot of wrong ones iykwim
I would send a thinking of you card and just keep it simple just let them know that you are thinking of them and that if there is anything you can do to help them please let you know.

You sound like a wonderful friend to be thinking of them. If you need any help PM me and i will see what i can do!!

[~Trish~]

Thanks ladies.

I was thinking something along the lines of:

"We are so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful boy xxxxxxx. You are in our thoughts and prayers"

It doesn't seem like much, but I really don't know what else I can say. There is nothing I can say that will ease their pain. No one should have to go through this .

[HotI]

That sounds good.

Kate

[TeniBear]

I would have loved it if someone had sent a "congratulations on the birth of your baby" card, with a handwritten sentiment like "sorry he couldn't stay with you" or something similar.

Do you know if they're a religious family? I only ask because you mentioned you wanted to say that they were in your prayers. I had a hard time reading the ones that said this. As much as it pains me to say it, because I do understand the sentiment and I know I'm coming across as ungrateful, I hate people saying they're praying for me or Ianto. I'm not religious at all, so praying for my baby doesn't comfort me, it just gets on my nerves. Just "thinking of you" would have sufficed... Even my cousin, who knows I'm not religious in the slightest (who I didn't think was either) now tells me everytime she visits Ianto's grave that she said a prayer for him.

Sorry, I went a bit off topic there I get a bit riled up sometimes... I don't mean to offend anyone, I just get a tad offended myself when people disregard how I feel...

Do you know the baby's name? Always use the baby's name (if you know it) when you're talking/writing to a babylost mum It makes us feel like our little ones are valid, they were here, etc. You're doing a nice thing. You'll get it right, not everyone's bitter like me

[~Trish~]

Thanks TeniBear . The couple are Christians and their family are too which is why I will tell them I'm praying for them. TBH I wouldn't say I'm praying for their baby, I know he is already in Heaven (as are all babies) . I will definitely write his name. I thought of a "congratulations" card, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate. Thank you for your thoughts .

[YoYo]

Knowing you Trish I don't think you could say the wrong thing....just say what comes from your heart x

[AliBaby]

for my friend who recently gave birth to her baby at 38weeks stillborn, I actually found a beautiful blank card.
I said congratulations on the birth of their baby girl and that I was sorry for their loss (make sure you use the baby's name). I wrote a poem in it as well that I think spoke the words I didnt know how to say. Have a look at Teni's blog as she has some beautiful (but very sad) poems.