Hi there, firstly im so sorry for your losses

Secondly, i think when something majorly happens in your life it does make you reassess some of your friendships, your friend at first sounded like a great friend but her comments were not needed and friends are supposed to make you feel better and be there to listen to you not to 'out do' you which it sounds like she is trying to do, if she hasnt dealt with her issues then she shouldnt put them on you when you are going through such a tough time.

She sounds very self absorbed and i would honestly cut her out, if your not one for confrontation i say start by ignoring her calls and maybe she will get the hint or tell her you just need some space. Maybe let your other friends in on how you feel that way if you decide to have a gathering they will be on your side and not invite her.

But its amazing how much better you feel when you cut out people like that from your life and especially when you realise who your true friends are the ones who support you and are there for you.

Good luck, i hope i helped