Many of you would know I suffered a m/c @ 8 weeks for my first pregnancy. It was an early loss as they term it and I was very lucky to fall preg again with Bella the cycle after my loss. I was exstatic with being preg with Bella and I think I just locked the loss away and tried to focus on my preg.

It has always been in the back of my head and in my heart but I never allowed myself to really deal with it. I "delt" with it at the time and I greived a bit but then I fell preg again and I just pushed it to the side.

I was watching Neighbours tonight and they had a memorial for Libbys baby (I know its TV, I know) and it just hit me like a head balloon...

I feel that my heart has broken all over again.. I think I need to do something to honor my little on and maybe deal with the emotion that I have not..

I love Bella with all my heart and soul and I am ever so greatfull for her... so how do I honour my angel bub and not dishonour my earthside bub??

Sorry Im a bit of a mess and Im unsure as to why it has all come to the surface now.

Maybe also as DH and I have been speaking about TTC again and I am so scared that Ill suffer another loss..

Sorry for the ramble.. Now I need tissues..

Kate xox