i am devistated all over again. this time its just a little harder to deal with. it was only last week that i saw a flickering healthy heartbeat and less than 4 days later its gone.

pregnancy is soposed to be a joyful time full of celebration and i'm now left again with a feeling of utter dispare. i'm now destined to never feel that joy of gindin out i'm pregnant. i was a little scared this time and who knows how i will feel if i ever allow myself to start trying again.

i've waited 10 long years to find someone to have children with and have spent the last 2 years trying only for my body to fail at something it is designed to do.

i know in time i will heal and may be hopeful again but i just dont see how it could ever be a joyful experience for me.