How Long before you TTC

[NaeNae]

Hi All,

Gosh you know, I swore this year I would never come into this section and yet here I am - again, for the third time in a row.

I am sure there are so many people who have asked this same question and to be honest I really can't seem to muster the strength to read through all the posts in the loss section as I find everything terribly heartbreaking.

So again I am here posing this question - how long after an early m/c did you all wait until you started to TTC again.

I have decided to not go back to the Dr to discuss this as I feel everytime I follow their "instructions/recommendations" I lose a pregnancy - could just be coincidience but I am tired of losing, tired of following advice to wait and sick to death of being told "these things happen".

Logically I knew this last pregnancy was not going to stick, and I can rationalise it til the cows come home but fact of the matter is this is my third failed attempt and you know that just peeves me off.

Drs won't do any research into reasons until I have had 3 m/c in a row so basically I have to have 2 more m/c in a row before they will consider doing anything ( I had Nikita my DD in between m/c she was preterm by 16 weeks and was 8 days old when she passed)

ANyways I have found I am rambling so back to the question at hand - how long did you wait to TTC.

Many thanks all

Nae x

[Me+him+bub]

nae nae - me and my DF started trying the cycle after i had my MC, it was ended with a d&C but my OB said next cycle is fine as long as you are emotionally ready, also have you thought of getting a referral to a fertility specialist? you have the right to ask, me and DF got one after trying 3 different GP's just stated my case of TTC for 2 years and a loss and he gave me a referral! the FS will do lots of tests on you and you may get an answer which is what you want im sure! also have you been checked for rhesus factor? it could be many things, clotting factors, lack of folate, listeria in the system the list goes on and i truly recommend getting into to see a specialist it could take a few months to get in and could be a but pricey but its up to you how far you are willing to go. I wish u the best of luck.

[~Trish~]

I'm so sorry for your loss NaeNae . I just wanted to let you know that I had a m/c at around 6 weeks in January of 2007, we waited for AF to arrive before TTC again (AF arrived 2 weeks later) and I fell pg with DS#2 that cycle. I had no complications whatsoever from falling pg so quickly afterwards.

All the best .

[Rommy'sMummy]

Hi Nae,

After losses my DH and I didnt wait. I guess the reason for waiting is part emotional (dont see how it would have helped me) and partly to make sure you body is back on track with your cycles.

I really hope and pray that you only have joy ahead!

I miss you in our BB group and havent really gone back there since your loss.

Rachel

[~Kim~]

oh babe, I'm so so sorry.
We theoreticslly decided we weren't going to actively 'try' but we weren't going to not either. So basically straight away.
If you feel ready, then you feel ready.

[Heaven]

We didn't wait either. I had a natural m/c at 8-9wks and fell pregnant again before I got AF back.

Nae

[helle]

NaeNae, after losing Jayvan my Dr told us to wait at least one AF, I gave birth and had a D&C. But he also said you're body won't fall pg until it's ready to, so we pretty much started trying (although we denied we were at the time!) as soon as it was safe after my D&C. He said he finds with most people it's important they start TTC again ASAP as a healthy pregnancy helps to bring back confidence, which I can see his logic but sometimes it takes alot of effort to get to that healthy pregnancy and your confidence gets a bit of a knock around on the way!

I don't understand why your Dr won't refer you to a specialist? Especially when Nikita was also born early. Personally I think one m/c should be enough to warrent a bit of medical pampering but I guess these Dr's work in mysterious ways. Are you able to get another opinion from another Dr?

[JellyBean]

Hi Nae Nae,

I'm sorry about your loss. Misscarriage is so hard. Personally, I tried again in the cycle which followed m/c- although this was an early loss for me- not quite the same situation as yours. Hormonal Imbalance is often present after m/c carriage (the earlier the loss the smaller the imbalance- generally) so that may also be something you wish to address before TTC again.

After years of following doctors and 'specialists' advice and feeling like I was banging my head against a wall- I finally turned to Naturopathy which helped me to conceive my healthy happy boy.

If/when you are ready to- I highly recommend you read the book The Natural Way to Better Babies- Preconceptual Healthcare for Prospective Parents, by Australia's most esteemed Natural Fertility Expert, Francesca Naish. The book explains in detail how to eradicate common barriers to conception such as heavy metal and pesticide toxicity, too much lead in sperm etc and how to significantly decrease your chances of suffering m/c, premature birth etc via diet, supplementation, herbs and eliminating chemicals from your home and personal care products, as well as rigorous detoxification for both parents.
I wish I had read this book before ever consulting a GP or specialist- it would have saved me a lot of time and needless suffering.

All the best and stay strong.

XX

[helle]

Hormonal Imbalance is often present after m/c carriage (the earlier the loss the smaller the imbalance- generally)

Hcg levels start to drop around 12-14 weeks of pregnancy as well. After I had Jayvan I had a normal period 5 weeks after delivery.

[briggsy's girl]

Naenae - TTC when you're ready babe - it's something everybody advises differently - some say to wait a cycle or two, others say wait for AF, then do your thing. we had a break of less than 6 weeks from losing our Angel last year to forced ovulation early September, and it was this cycle that resulted in our Gremlin.

many say you're at your most fertile immediately after a loss, some say you need to wait. do what is right for you.

for me, that was obviously getting back into it right away (i dont have a cycle, so this was first ovulation post mc) - but for others this is completely not the way to go

if you're not comfy with your local doctor and any lack of treatment you're getting, can you get in to see your Ob at w'gul for a referral for testing at all

hugs babe

BG

[Possums]

Hi Nae Nae- I feel what you are feeling. we tried straight away last time, and conceived second cycle. After this loss, we'll probably wait a cycle (I am going to have tests done for recurrent miscarriage). I guess it's a personal choice in many ways. I hope you are doing OK.

[kath26]

Hi Nae Nae,
I wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss.Miscarriage is such a traumatic experience to go through.
Like alot of the other girls have said, I believe you should TTC again when you feel ready. I have had 2 miscarriages. After the first one, my doc said I could start trying straight after my first AF. It took two cycles for me to become pregnant again. He too believes that once you feel ready emotionally and physically you can start trying. Unfortunatley, I miscarried at just under 10 weeks last Wednesday. I felt so frustrated and still do.I wish someone could tell me that I will never have to go through a M/C again and that everything will be OK next time. I desperately want to be pregnant again. My lovely doc has prescribed low dose aspirin and progesterone pessaries for my next pregnancy. I also take a multi vitamin which helps prepare your body for conception.We will see how that goes. I know I am going to be so scared, but I can only hope and keep positive. Now I am wishing for my AF to come so we can try again.
Sorry for rambling...just wanted to share.
Please take care, and look after yourself. I wish you every success, and hope we can share our journey.
xx
DS- 16/07/2006 (2 1/2)
28/09/08 @ 7 weeks
04/02/2009 @ 9 weeks 6 days

[NaeNae]

HI All,

thanks for your responses.

21and TTC#1 - My Rhesus factor is negative so I know there are risks associated with that in terms of my body and the baby. I have had Vit D injections with my pregancy with Niki and I am always tested for antibodies when they run the bloods. DH and I have talked about seeing a FS and is something we are considering, we're going to try again a couple more times but that is something we are definately considering should the next few times not work in our favour.

Kath - Its very frustrating isn't it - I try to look at going in with a "game plan" definately helps, sounds like you have a great Dr, the pessaries and asprin sounds like a good combination for you. I truely wish you the best of luck yeah waiting for AF takes soooo long, I finally stopped bleeding on the 7th and I know I am already looking forward to AF visiting. We may not even wait we might just start enjoying ourselves straight away - that certainly what my MIL has suggested - she had 4 losses in a row then decided to just get back on the horse so to speak. Worked for her!!


Possums - I hope you get some answers but I hope more so that you just go with the flow as well as getting the tests done. Something wonderful is bound to be on the horizon for you as well.


BG - I saw this particular Dr because he knows my Ob and I know they have been in communication about me, DR rang Ob when he hadn't heard back from me which is nice DH actually teaches Dr's youngest son too - the joys of country community . DH and I have decided that we will try one more time I have a letter of referral still for my Ob that covers me until April so I could get in to see him if I felt it necessary.


JB - thats really interesting I'll see if I can find the book in my local book store. A friend of my mum who is a natropath has suggested I try a couple of differnt things which I will start trying one of the supplements she suggested this week.


Teagz - I was wondering why also but I guess aside from the prematurity of Nikita's arrival everything up until that point with the pregnancy was perfectly normal. The stress levels I was experiencing around that time though were quite significant ( to long and winded to explain) so that could have triggered something as well. Who knows - I agree with you though 1 m/c is enough to warrant some extra care.


Kim & Heaven - DH has the same approach with this - actually compared with my first m/c this has been a breeze - though the clots have been larger - much larger, the pain and length of the bleeding has been much less intense - which is a good thing.


Rach - I miss being in our BB group it just was not meant to be this time though. Good thing is we got a chance to share something special even if it was just for a little bit, I met more BB members I may not have and formed a few more close bonds - there is a blessing in that.

Thanks all for your support too,

Emotionally I have been fine - apart from the initial shock and disappointment on that thursday. Without putting down the intensity and grief felt by women who do M/C after going through the loss of Nikita, this has been easy to deal with - I know that sounds harsh but I think maybe my body needed a good clean out to get everything ready. I said that after 3 I would stop but there is no way I am stopping and that has been what has come of this.

Sounds strange but I have learnt so much about myself and my DH through all my losses and each one has impacted in such a positive way here is why-:

1st m/c - Before the Loss - I didn't really want to be pregnant, I resented the fact I had fallen in so quickly because I wasn't going to be able to ride my new horse After the Loss- I really wanted to be a mum and my horses were not going anywhere so I can always ride them in the future.

Nikita - Before the Loss- DH and I were in serious relationship crisis due to interferrence by his family. After the Loss - We found we really loved each other and were much better together then we would be apart AND we got the house ready for our baby when it comes.

2nd m/c - Before the Loss - 3 strikes and were out mentality - After this Loss - damn it I am going to keep trying until our dreams become a reality no matter what.

Nae x x

[helle]

naenae, true. It really worries me out when people mention stress can do things to your bub when you're pg. I had quite a few things happen in my life while I was carrying Jayvan and I'd hate to think that they're the reason's he died. Especially as they were quite pathetic situations and could have been avoided rather easily.

[littleangels*]

Hi Teagz & naenae and of course all the other girls,

I have to suffered a loss in fact my twins in Aug 08, I went into preterm labour at 20 weeks, it has been a very long road for me in regard to recovering emotionally from it, but it seems to be getting better day by day.

My DH & I have decided that we are going to try to make a another baby, mind you he was dead aganist it and when it was Xmas and onwards to my EDD 6/1/09 I was a mess and he knew how much I wanted to try again.

I am wondering what people will say once we do concieve and tell family, of course we will wait until I am safe and showing.

I would love to here what your thoughts are or stories any of you can express to me.

Thanks

[NaeNae]

Littleangels - I am so sorry for your losses. Its is very hard when you go into labour spontaneously and I am sure you have blamed yourself and your body over and over. I know I have.

I was 20w+5d when I started having contractions (though I didn't know they were contractions) I was dialated 2cm with bulging membranes when I actually was admitted in hospital at 21w+1d .

Nikita's due date 12 Sept was difficult, but I found Christmas almost unbearable as it felt like people forgot that we were meant to be celebrating our first christmas as a family. My mother even popped her outdoor table furniture in front of the memorial plaque and garden she had for Nikita for my family christmas lunch - she had no clue just what a kick in the guts that was

The pregnancy road is difficult and can seem daunting and too scary to travel after losing babies but try to look at it in this respect - you have first hand experience in all the things that can go wrong therefore you will know that any little twitch you will get checked out straight away. The Drs will pay you a little more attention and you may even be put into specialised care and get weekly scans - just think how wonderful that will be to see your baby every single week as it developes.

I am not sure of all your circumstances - but I think if your DH is not quite ready - even if you are then it may be better to wait until he is truely 100% ready. You are going to need to support each other and it will be difficult especially as you near the same stage.

My DH was so concerned about how I would feel going into our last pregnancy and whether or not it would have been too soon. Even after this recent loss (8 months after losing Nikita) he primary concern is whether I am ready - this recent loss has confirmed for him that I am given how I have reacted etc. But if there was doubt in HIS mind about whether he felt ready or if he felt I was not ready then we would rather wait because we know it will be a hard road to travel.

If your DH is doing this just for you and not because he is ready to I worry that it may add extra stress for him - but thats just me and I am certainly no expert.

Best of luck for your journey, hopefully we will be in the same due date group

Nae x x x

[helle]

Littleangels, I wonder the same thing as well about what people will say once we are pg again. I'm prepared for alot of people to assume that I'll be "all better", when the next pg is going to be tough emotion wise.

I'm in two mind frames about when to tell people though, on one side I would like to wait to pass 18 weeks as this is when I lost Jayvan, and to pass that time would make me feel "safe".
But then I feel we waited until I was 12 weeks before telling everyone assuming it was safe to, and it wasn't. This makes me feel like I should just shout my next pregnancy from the roof tops at 4 weeks and enjoy each moment with everyone I love because it doesn't make a damn difference!

I have to laugh sometimes as my mum is superstious like this, and would refuse to by me anything until after 12 weeks, and she had a still born bub at 40 weeks and went on to lose another at 16 weeks. I just don't think there is a safe period in pregnancy anymore, and unfortunately people like us have had to learn the hard way.

[Deejoy17]

Sorry to hear of your loss Nae

I conceived in August 08 but lost the baby at 4 weeks, 5 days, I just had a feeling something was wrong, I went to my GP who said I had to wait 3 months before TTC again, if I conceive within that 3 months I`d be at higher risk of having a NT baby, I`d never heard of this before, I was in tears because I needed to TTC sooner then the 3 months as it had already taken us longer to fall pregnant then my previous 2 pregnancies after googling about this risk and posting here on BB I decided to go with my instinct and TTC (DH was also all for it) so that`s what we did, but we were seriously TC that month plus I came down with a severe stomach bug at O time so didn`t think I was in with a chance but I conceived that month and I`m now 21.5 weeks pregnant with a little boy

Good luck hun, do what you feel is the right thing to do